CHAPTER FIVE
Janika turned the lock slowly, listening for any sign of movement outside. The hall had been quiet for a while, but she wouldn’t put it past Cat to pretend to leave so that she would come out. Deciding to take a chance, she turned the knob slowly, freezing at the sound of a key in the lock. Flattening herself behind the door, Janika held her breath.
Andrew shut the door rather hard and sunk down into his chair, staring at a sheet of paper he’d picked up off his desk. With the door shut, Janika was left without a shield, but could only hope that the shadows would be enough to hide her until she manage to sneak out. As reluctant as she had been to talk to Cat, talking to Andrew was even worse. He always seemed to be able to figure out what she was thinking and find a way to get her to talk about it. She scanned the room carefully, trying not to make a sound. Andrew hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights, but the room wasn’t dark enough for her liking. There was no way she could get out the door without being caught. She knew that Andrew was always careful about keeping his door locked so that no one had access to his files. Should she wait for him to leave, or try to sneak out the window?
Silently, Janika studied the still form in the chair across the room. When he hadn’t moved after what felt like an hour, Janika slid slowly to the floor and crept towards the half-open window. Reaching the shelter of the chair, she paused to listen again. There was a bird singing somewhere outside the window, and the wind whistled sharply through the trees. But there was no sound from within the room, and no sign that Cat was waiting outside the door again.
Listening carefully, Janika could barely make out the faint sound of upset voices from across campus. What if Marshall really was hurt and it was somehow her fault? For a moment, she reconsidered leaving, but decided she didn’t have a choice. Without Beth, there was no reason for her to stay here. She knew that any mention of Beth would set her off again, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone else. It would be better for everyone if she left and started over where no one knew her or knew about Beth.
Tiptoeing to the window, she pushed cautiously on the glass but nothing happened. Fumbling for the lock she tried again. Still nothing. Sighing, she studied the opening. There way no way she could squeeze through that tiny space, but she knew the lock on the door was loud enough that it might wake Andrew. The window was her only option.
After checking one more time that Andrew hadn’t noticed her, Janika threw her coat and sweater through the window ahead of her, and debated the best way to escape. Finally she turned towards the room and hooked her arms around the outside of the window frame. Wiggling carefully, she managed to get far enough that she was sitting on the window sill with only her legs still inside the room. Shifting her weight to one side, she tried to tuck her legs up beside her but couldn’t.
Andrew could wake up or Cat come back at any moment. Janika knew that it wasn’t safe for her to stay exposed half out the window for long. Not if she wanted a chance to get away. Knowing that she was only a few feet from the ground, Janika managed to turn over onto her stomach. Pushing off from the wall, she dove the rest of the way out the window. Or at least tried to. She found herself hanging in midair, her fingertips inches from the ground but unable to move any further. Reaching up behind her, Janika realised that her shirt had caught on the clasp at the bottom of the window. She tried to untangle herself but couldn’t quite reach. Fighting for that last inch, desperate to get away, she wriggled slightly back into the room, hoping to gain the leverage that she needed to free herself. In her struggle to unsnag her shirt, she accidentally kicked over the small table that sat beside the window.
The crash echoed through the silent room and Andrew jumped to his feet. Scanning the room, he quickly spotted the figure in the window. “What are you doing in my office?” he asked, very confused. Rather than answer a silly question, Janika continued to work at freeing her shirt. Not knowing what to make of this strange individual, Andrew sat back down in his chair, keeping an eye on the stranger in his window in case they decided to do actually do something.
Finally admitting that she wasn’t going to get untangled on her own, Janika stopped struggling and waited. Eventually Andrew realised that the intruder was stuck, and decided it was safe to investigate. Moving cautiously towards the window, he studied the situation. Realising that the person in his window was significantly smaller than him and didn’t appear to pose a threat, he unhooked the snagged cloth. Keeping a firm grip on the back of the T-shirt as the person struggled, he slowly pulled them back through the window. Dropping the intruder on the floor he quickly shut and locked the window.
“What were you doing in my office?” Andrew asked. “What did you steal?”
“I didn’t take anything, I promise,” Janika told him. “I just needed somewhere to be alone for a while. I didn’t want to make a lot of noise unlocking the door. I thought I could sneak out the window without waking you up. I know you’ve had a long day, and I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“That’s all you were doing?”
“That’s all.”
“In that case, I guess it was alright. Since I’m awake now, you may as well use the door. Have a good night.” Sitting back down, Andrew closed his eyes again. Looking at her leader for a moment to make sure he wasn’t joking, Janika finally took his advice and walked out the door, wincing as the click of the lock sounded loudly through the empty building. Andrew didn’t move, so she kept walking. Andrew definitely wasn’t himself, but he wasn’t her concern anymore. She knew she had to distance herself from the people here if she was going to make a successful escape.
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“How's Marshall doing?” Christina asked.
“He’s awake but the nurse wants to keep him in the infirmary overnight to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion. She’ll let us know how he’s doing,” Cat told the girls, who were still crowded around the spot where he had been laying.
“Why can’t we see him?” Melanie asked.
“Marshall needs to rest right now. You can probably visit in the morning.”
“What’s going to happen to Jared?” Kaida asked. Cat glanced across the room to where Jared still sat, silently reading. As if he could feel them watching, Jared glared at them over the edge of the book. Cat sighed, not quite sure what to do with him. They were all under a lot of stress already, which was bound to make them behave in ways that they never would under normal circumstances. She knew that was no excuse. Jared would still have to be punished, but he never took it easily and she didn’t have the energy to fight with him right now.
“He’ll be having a talk with Meredith as soon as we’re done here. I’m sure she’s already got something in mind for him,” Cat replied. She’d been planning on concluding group before letting anyone else leave, but suddenly she couldn’t handle any more. “That’s enough for tonight,” she told the girls. “I’ll see you all at breakfast. Don’t be late.”
As they made their way out of the room, Cat radioed for Meredith to come get Jared. She knew she should take him to Meredith’s office herself, but she knew he wouldn’t go willing, and didn’t think she’d be able to handle another confrontation. Deciding she couldn’t risk getting too upset with Jared, Cat followed the girls out of the lounge, leaning up against the outside door as she waited for Meredith.
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After watching Meredith march Jared towards the office, Cat made her way wearily back to her cabin. Climbing the steps carefully, she paused a moment on the porch, looking out into the forest. Alone for the first time since they’d received the call about Beth, Cat collapsed against the railing, sinking down onto the rough boards of the porch. She’d been involved in all kinds of situations during her eight years at Arrow Ridge, but couldn’t remember a day when she had felt so completely inadequate. Usually she was able to keep the group together, and help everyone process what had happened. Yet in this one day she had cried in front of her students, and failed to stop several physical altercations. She hadn’t been able to get anywhere with Jared, and hadn’t kept Janika from running.
Janika! Oh, God, Cat realized. How could I have forgotten about Janika? I don’t think I can do anymore tonight. She’s probably long gone, and I just don’t have the strength to go after her. It’s dark and I have no idea which way she went, and if she managed to get a boat... there’s no telling how far she could have gotten by now. I’ve got to let Meredith know but we can’t go looking for her until morning anyway.
What if she’s still locked in the office?
Then she’ll probably be there in the morning.
You should check, just in case.
I will, in the morning. All I want to do right now is go to bed.
I know you’ve been through a lot the last few days, and I don’t blame you for wanting some time for yourself. You need that, but right now you need to go back and check the office.
I can’t.
Yes you can. Remember your verse?
Cat had no idea what that meant and was too tired to really think about it.
Remember when you first read your students files and were convinced you wouldn’t be able to do anything for them? When Patrick fell off the cliff and you didn’t know for a week if he was going to wake up? What kept you going? Why did you refuse to give up?
Because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, Cat whispered to herself.
As Cat stared up at the stars, she knew that, as much as she just wanted to fall asleep, she wouldn’t be able to until she had gone back to the office building. Making her way back towards the main campus she was suddenly sure that eventually things would get better, even though it didn’t feel possible at the moment.
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“Go away,” Andrew yelled grumpily, but the pounding on his door continued.
“Andrew?” Cat called from the hallway.
“Just leave me alone,” he muttered.
“Is Janika with you?”
“I asked you to leave me alone. Why would I let a student in and not you?”
“I need to find her, and I’ve done enough yelling through doors for one night. Please, just let me in. We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“You left me alone with the students for hours and now things are a mess. You owe me an explanation.” Andrew sat silently, hoping she would give up and leave him alone. “I can get the master key if I need to,” Cat threatened, “but I’d rather you just let me in.”
Staring at the thin strip of light peeking under the door, Andrew considered the consequences of unlocking the door. Recognizing that Cat’s stubborn streak wouldn’t allow her to leave without answers, he finally got up and undid the deadbolt, swinging the door open silently. As he peered into the hallway, he saw Cat hurrying off in the direction of Meredith’s office. Not sure what to say to her, he pushed the door open further, letting it bang slightly against the wall, before sinking back down into his chair.
Turning towards the unexpected noise, Cat immediately noticed the open door and retraced her steps, pulling the door shut behind her as she stepped inside. “Where have you been all evening?” she asked wearily. Even though she had been so upset with him at the time for leaving her to deal with everything on her own, remaining angry with him required more energy than she had left.
“You’re the one who told me I had to talk to Meredith.”
“I didn’t think you’d be gone all evening. I figured I could handle the kids for an hour or two. I didn’t think there would be quite so much going on.”
“I needed some time to think,” Andrew told her.
“So do I,” Cat snapped, “but you left me to do group by myself, knowing full well that everyone was on edge and likely to cause trouble. I needed you in there.”
“You’ve always been good with the kids,” he protested.
“Maybe on a normal day, or as close as we get to normal around here, but tonight was way beyond challenging. You were supposed to be there. We needed you. I needed you.”
“I had things I needed to do,” Andrew replied. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Not that bad?” Cat repeated, “O, wait. You didn’t show up! I guess you wouldn’t know.”
“Since you obviously want to tell me, make it fast. I’m starting to wish I hadn’t let you in.”
Pacing the short stretch of carpet in front of the desk, Cat filled him in on the evening’s events. As she remembered running back to the lounge after Christina, she suddenly stopped and leaned in uncomfortably close to his face. “All I could think of when I saw Marshall lying unconscious on the floor was that you would know what to do. But you weren’t there. I thought we were a team.”
Unable to meet her gaze, Andrew stared at the floor. “We are,” he protested weakly, but she had already moved away. Why does everything have to happen at once? he wondered. If we could just take things one at a time, they would be so much easier to handle. Maybe I shouldn’t have left her to deal with all of the students on her own, but she doesn’t have to take it so hard. I didn’t mean anything by it. We’re still a team. I just don’t know how to prove it to her. We’re in this together, for the long run, she should know that. I just needed a little time to myself tonight. Is it that hard to understand?
As Cat drew her account to a close, she stopped before the window, pressing her forehead against the cool glass, waiting for a reasonable explanation. Or any answer at all. Anything ... but there was only silence. Eventually she slid down to sit on the floor, cradling her head in her hands, trying to make some kind of sense out of everything. Looking for some reason Andrew could have felt justified in abandoning her.
“I planned on joining you for group as soon as I finished with Meredith,” Andrew began slowly. “I just came by my office for a moment to look something up.” Picking up the paper that had fallen to the floor, he took one final look at the photo, before setting it gently face down on his desk. “Talking to Meredith made me realise that I couldn’t remember what Jordan looked like anymore. I couldn’t let myself forget completely. Everyone deserves to have someone remember them,” he whispered with a slight catch in his voice.
Falling silent, Andrew recalled how, upon his arrival Jordan had immediately made plans to take off at first light. After several unsuccessful escape attempts, he had eventually adjusted to the routine. While he still had a ways to go before graduation, Jordan had come so far from the angry, sullen boy he had been when he had first arrived. Their mutual passion for football had quickly drawn the two together, as they spent long hours debating the outcome of various pro games, discussing plays and coaching strategies. He’d been making plans to take Jordan to his first pro football game as a graduation present. But, for him, there would be no graduation.
Cat observed him silently, her frustration dissipating as she saw how deeply Andrew had cared for Jordan. He hadn’t seemed unusually upset when Jordan died. If he’d been ignoring his feelings ever since, it was no wonder that he was so upset now that he was being forced to recall Jordan’s death in light of Beth’s. Not quite sure what to say, Cat simply waited.
Finally, Andrew raised his head, barely meeting her eyes, before looking away sheepishly. She was across the room in three steps, dropping to her knees in front of his chair and taking his hand. “Don’t you ever be ashamed of how you feel,” she told him firmly. “No one can really help you...”
“...until you admit that you need help,” he finished softly. “How many kids have I force-fed that line to over the years?”
“It’s still true. And not just for the kids. Everyone needs help at some point.”
“Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It takes more strength than almost anything you’ll ever have to do,” he quoted.
“Think about it awhile. I’ve got all night,” Cat told him as she settled back against the edge of his chair, never letting go of his hand.
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Pulling her windbreaker tighter around her, Janika huddled into the scant shelter of an overturned canoe. She’d run blindly, making it as far as the beach before the impact of the last few days finally hit, and exhaustion forced her to stop for the night. As tired as she was, the unseasonably cool temperatures, compounded by the breeze off the lake and the hard sand beneath her, kept sleep just beyond her reach.
She’d been in such a hurry to drop her pack when they’d reached campus, a decision she now regretted. She would have given anything for many of the items that she had so grudgingly carried for the past eight days. Even if she had dared risk walking back through campus to retrieve her pack, she doubted she’d have the strength to lift it, much less carry it all the way back to the beach.
Janika briefly considered giving up and going back to her nice warm dorm, but refused to entertain the idea for long. She’d come this far. She could make it the rest of the way. Resigning herself to a long, cold night, she tried to find a slightly more comfortable position in hope of catching a few minutes sleep. In a few short hours she would have to be on the move again, or risk being spotted when the campus awoke.
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“I...I need help,” Andrew whispered. Cat stirred at his feet, his desperate plea somehow reaching her half-asleep, completely exhausted mind. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone with the kids tonight,” he continued. “Will you help me?”
“All you had to do was ask,” she whispered back. “Why don’t we start by trying to get some sleep. We’ll be able to think more clearly in the morning.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Andrew replied, slowly untangling himself from the chair, and helping Cat to her feet.
“You’re both coming home with me,” Meredith called softly from the doorway. “I don’t think any of us need to be alone right now.”
“How long have you been listening?” Andrew asked.
“Long enough. Come on,” Meredith beckoned as she turned back down the hallway.
Turning to latch the door behind him, Andrew hurried after the women. Even though he’d been alone all evening and been insisting he didn’t want anyone around, he truly didn’t want to be alone right now. Not that he ever would have admitted it.
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