The things parents say...

We all have them. Share them here!

In the past fifteen minutes:

Dad: You want hot chocolate?

Me: I'm having a glass of milk. *gestures to glass of milk* Can I have both?

Dad: I'm sure it's possible, you're not in school, you know.

Me: Actually they let you drink as much as you want it's just the food- what are you doing?

Dad: Pouring a glass of milk.

Me: Why?

Dad: *walking out with milk and hot chocolate* To prove it's possible!

And...

Mum: You want to go to the theatre tomorrow night?

Me: What's on?

Mum: Something called "Wet Senor..."

Me: No...

Mum: It's a musical!

Me: No!

Mum: About a member of the Spanish Armada who gets washed up in County Sligo and walks across Ireland!

Me: NO.

Mum: They say it'll be a big hit!

Me: Mum?

Mum: Yes?

Me: No.

So what have your rentals/folks/guardians done to embarrass, horrify or bemuse you, or even warm your heart. Tell us!

-Stella x

Me: (as my sister is running up to the car) LOCKIT! LOCK IT NOW!

Mom: I'm locking it! *locks it*

Sister: (muffled) OPEN THE DOOR!

Another includes:

Mom: Lower...

Me: OMEHGOD! Your shoes are mismatched! How long...?

Mom: ALL DAY!

And from my father:

Dad: *opens gift* Oh my god! LOVECRAFT! LOVECRAFT, LOVECRAFT, LOVECRAFT!

(pause)

Dad: Girls, I love you.

Stella, I love your parents.

Me: *comes home from doing a big exam that has required weeks of studying*
Mum: I'm so glad it's over. I bet I'll feel like this when you're giving birth.

Me and Mum: *laugh at a terrible pun or a knee slap joke*
Mum: Ah, I love us. We're so smart.

Also, I have to include some things my brothers have said, because they're funny:

Big brother (visiting us after some weeks): People look at the unmowed lawn and the askew mailbox and think, 'A madman lives there.'

Little brother (7 years): *sees a wine bottle that says 'Montana' on it* If you put 'Hannah' in front of that, then it would be like Hannah Montana. But I don't know what Hannah Montana is, I've just heard of it.

Little brother: Russia is at least a thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand times bigger than Malta.

*Me reading a book on the floor*

Grandad: Chloe make sure you don't ruin your eyes

Me: Grandad, im reading a book

Other:

*Interval at doctor who live, me and my mum sees too guys dressed up, exactkly like doctor who (they had the fez and everything, we burst out laughting*

Me: Are they part of the show? or are they just saddos?

Mum: There just saddos, Plus i thought the doctors are supposed to be hot?

Me: Yep, And have awsome hair.

And

Becky: Chloe, were going out for tea.

Me: Were?

Becky: Not telling you.

*2 min later*

Becky: Chloe, how much is taybarns?


:/

Another:

Keeps having dental mould shoved in mouth, and can't breath*

Becky: THINK OF JUSTIN BIEBER CHLOE!

And one last one:

Me: Never knew there was Lidl here

Becky: Me neither.

Minuites later

Dad: Never knew there was a lidl here.

My mum says some really strange stuff when she's planning church services, especially All Age Worship.

Mum: I need you to dress up as the back end of a pantomime camel that gets stuck in a gate.

Me:......... What?

(luckily someone else volunteered to so I didn't have to be in the camel. Although it wasn't really a camel in the end, more two people beneath a brown sheet)

and another conversation my parents had recently:

Mum: (to Dad) I need to bounce some ideas off you

Dad: Boing.

Mum: Boing. So, I need to think of ways to landscape a paddling pool so it doesn't present any liturgical or biblical innaccuracies.

Me: ...... what?

xDDDD Kiwi, that sounds so like my house. Like this week.

Mum: Will you come out to [a particular country church] with me this weekend?

Me: Why?

Mum: It's a family service, and we need someone to do puppets.

Me: ... No. Those puppets scare me.

Mum: But it's Zacchaeus giving the lord his tea!

And on that continuing thread:

Me: Zacchaeus' story was hardly politically correct.

Dad: So? He was a crook!

Mum: No he wasn't! He was just short!

Dad: No, he stole people's money!

And they proceeded into a full-blown argument over Zacchaeus.

Where to begin.... Hmm... this one was last night. I know it's not my parents, but my brother's close enough...

*My brother, Rhodri, walks into the room at 2am dressed as a cowboy.*

Me: It's all right, don't bother knocking.

Rhodri: Do you have any safety pins?

Me: Do I look like I collect safety pins?

*Rhodri groans and walks back out. I can hear him in his room next door.*

Rhodri: My chaps are too big.



*Me and my mum are in my kitchen. I've got my laptop on, and I'm listening to music.*

Mum: That girl's got a nice voice.

Me: Mum, that's Justin Bieber.

Mum: Oh... *Pause* Poor thing.


I'll be back with more soon.

This happened about a week back when I was returning from college and since the bus would go only till a certain place, my dad said he would pick me up once I get off near his office. Thing is, there's a flyover on that road and so, he's waiting below and our bus goes on top.

*My phone rings. 'Tis dad.*
Me : Haan, pa, I can see you. We're on the fly over.
Dad : (Maela Poittiya?)He asks in Tamil "Have you gone up?"
*A second goes before both of start laughing*

That's because when you say it in Tamil, it means, someone's dead. As in they've gone to heaven.

Oh, wow, where to begin...eh, don't have direct quotes...I'll make do. This may include me being insane, and siblings, and relatives, etc.

My Mum: Oh, look! Mickey Mouse suckers for Carson (our neighbor)!
*few minutes later, at the check out*
Me: *at cashier* So...do the suckers taste like Mickey Mouse, or does Mickey Mouse taste like watermelons?
Cashier: o.o
My Mum: *laughs nervously and gets me out of the place quickly*

My Sister: SNAKE!!!
Me: I know, isn't it adorable?
Mum and Sister: o.o
Me: What?

Father: So, what, you don't want to date?
Me: Not really?
Father: You have to date.
Me: Um, aren't you like supposed to be against...?
Father: *grumbles about me acting like a homosexual--in less than nice terms*
Me: ...Um, no. Just no. *scurries away quickly*

I'll have you know we were surrounded by Southern Baptists, who almost fainted at the sight of a black person.

But who really wants to date at my age? ...Don't answer that. Yeah, there's that prego girl on ABC but we're not all like that! *huffs* And since I don't like anybody...

Father *somewhere else*: What? There's a snake? *jumps on table*

Me: Do we have any coffee creamer?
Mum: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PYROMANIC!
Me: ...

My family is odd. Very odd. One fourth of it never talk to each other, one fourth don't like Harry Potter, one fourth... You get the idea. And, yet, I'm the weird one.

(Please note I have had four or so pieces of candy, mostly chocolate, in the last 20 minutes.)

So, I was sick and trying to sleep it off one weekend when my dad comes in just as I'm about to fall asleep after waking up from some nasty chills.

Dad: Are you sick?
Me: *thought* No. I just go off and sleep for 40+ straight hours because I feel like it. *came out* Mrphavohadsn. *roll over and bury face in pillow*
Dad: *feels my forehead* You have a fever.
Me: *grunts*
Dad: *leaves*
Me: *is now wide awake and cannot sleep* *cue string of thoughts that cannot be decently transcribed*

And then my mom came in and asked me if I was sick. >.>

Last night, I couldn't sleep, *wow big shocker, not* Anyway, mom comes in at 2 am while I'm drawing.

Me: Shouldn't you be asleep?
Mom: Shouldn't you be?
Me: I'm me, you're you. You sleep, I stay up until 3Am and draw butterflies.
Mom: You're drawing butterflies! Oh can I stay up with you! Pretty please!?
Me: ...

Ya, I was like, say what now? Anyway.

I was listening to Runaway-Zebrahead, and this is what my mom had to say.

Mom: What is that emo crap you're listening to?
Me: Mom, it's Zebrahead, not Emo.
Mom: Who gave you this song again?
Me: A guy off Y.W.S., Vern, mum. I've told you this before.
Mom: Well, it's his fault you're turning rebellious, and sorry if I forgot his name, Brain work no right now.
Me: Who says that anymore?
Mom: I do...
Me: Old lady.
Mom: *sadface* I know...

Don't you just LOVE my mom?

*trying to help my mom pick out an outfit*
Me: That one's cute.
Mom: Nah...
Me: No I seriously really like it.
Mom: What about this one?
*Dad walks in*
Dad: Honey its a little...low?
Mom: Are you saying I look fat?

*Dad getting ready to run for an election*
Dad: Do you want to help me go put signs up?
Me: No.
Dad: Okay get in the car.
Me: I don't want to.
Dad: I'll buy you a milkshake.
Me: SURE!!!

*Trying to think of something good for dinner*
Dad: Let's go get burgers.
Mom: We could do something really simple....
Dad: Or we should go get Panda Express.
Me: How about cereal?
Mom: Good idea!
Dad: ......Cereal's for breakfast.

*Trying to pick a movie*
Me: I haven't seen this one! Everyone says its so good!!!
Dad: Nah, how about this one?
Me: Nah...it looks...boring.
Dad: Do not mock history.
Me: I wasn't! I was just saying that that particular one doesn't look exciting.
Dad: Well we're getting it.
*Get home and show mom the movie*
Mom: It looks...boring.

*On YWS Chat*
Dad: Its getting late
Me: I know...but I really need to talk to these people.
Dad: Five more minutes.
Me: Okay.
*Ten mins later, dad is looking over my shoulder*
Dad: Time to tell Jabberhut goodbye.
Me: But dad...
Dad: Who is Isha?
Me: A really awesome person.
Dad: How old is she?
Me: Around my age. Okay I'm getting off.
*Log off and close page*
Dad: But didn't you want to keep talking to them?

*Mom and Dad are gonna go to the mall, and I just woke up*
Dad: Do you want to go to the mall.
Me: Do I look like I want to go to the mall?
Dad: Yeah, everyone looks like a scarecrow when they go to the mall.
Me: Well I don't want to go to the mall.
Dad: But you always want to go to the mall.
Me: But not with my parents.
Dad: Are you descriminating?
Me: Uh...no. I just don't wanna go.
Dad: Why?
Me: I always see people I know there and if I go looking like this and with my parents they'll take pity on me and I will be mocked.
Dad: Mocked?
Me: Yes, mocked.

*Flipping through the channels, lands on Entertainment Tonight with Justin Bieber*
Mom: So...he's made all this money, what the heck is an eleven year old going to do with all that money?
Me: Mom...he's sixteen.

"*Flipping through the channels, lands on Entertainment Tonight with Justin Bieber*
Mom: So...he's made all this money, what the heck is an eleven year old going to do with all that money?
Me: Mom...he's sixteen."

You know how old he actually is?!?! For shame, for shame.

Well, unless you had an obsessed little sister like I did. She's more or less back to normal, though, now--thank goodness. I mean, she could at least crush on somebody decent, like Johnny Pacar. Of course, the dude's thirty now...but...heck, at least he sounds vaguely like the greats, ya know, Michael Stipe and all...

Otherwise, when I'm thirty, I want to look sixteen. No shiz. Of course, that may involve wearing make-up...blech...

My dad, after giggling like mad in his sleep: Mumble bomb.

Well, for my 18th birthday my mom "got me" George Clooney. She handed me a picture of him she cut out from a magazine and said, "Here. You're old enough for this now."