pygmalion's lament

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pygmalion's lament

if it is true that all we are recycles and exhales
then you have shared the air of Adam

still heavy with scent from the Paradise Garden
in the soil of your skin a legacy of earth bears traces

of violent cities unremembered
the blessings of saints long since forgotten.

you were carved from the stones of Mount Ararat
by the echoes of feet in holy places

that here march onward, their life still trembling in you
while in my palms I bore you and gave shape to you –

and I whisper the truth to you like a breath
onto your tongue, into your thirsty bones:

o love, you were created by the hands of magicians
in the shadow of an echo of the tinpot god

who stands between us, an alphabet away from death.
my darling, return now to your dust.
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I really like this. I like the wording you use, it adds an archaic feel to it. Some of my favourite lines:

if it is true that all we are recycles and exhales
then you have shared the air of Adam


you were carved from the stones of Mount Ararat
by the echoes of feet in holy places


o love, you were created by the hands of magicians
in the shadow of an echo of the tinpot god


I know it might be a tad unhelpful but I can't really find anything bad to say about this. Good job! :)

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I really agree with the last review, those were my favorite lines in the poem. It has a great flow to it, and there wasn't many mistakes with the grammar and spelling. I really love your posts, so keep on writing.
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Although I read this multiple times, I don't think I fully understand it. It intrigues me, this story but I think I'm interpreting it differently. After some research (Wikipedia) I think this is a story based on Pygmalion the sculptor who fell in love with his work, and if this IS what this is about.

if it is true that all we are recycles and exhales
then you have shared the air of Adam
I like the way this starts, what normally irks me about poems are beginnings. I think you handled this well. This also shows that whatever the speaker is commenting on is not in fact fully human, yet he tries to justify it.

I don't exactly like the style of writing, it comes off as disjointed and it's quite hard to follow sometimes. The entirety of the poem was just Pygmalion speaking of how wondrous, and remarkable his creation is and it came off as a bit boring.At times he seems quite cocky -because I can't think of another word- as though he had created something even the gods had failed to do, this was fairly interesting. The best line to me was the last line because I felt it was beautiful, and summed up the entire poem.

Normally I don't critique poems that I don't really understand but this one struck me. I think it's beautiful, well written, the flow hitched something and it got a little bit repetitive. Your wording was brilliant, and I think it was written the way Pygmalion might have thought...and that's about it. I hope this did not offend you in anyway.

Hope this helped, Anger.
Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

Anton Chekov




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Very Nice.
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