Living This Feeling

4 posts
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Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 4
You're the driver, my mind the track
You're racing forever long races, back to back.
Tell me how you haven't changed your tires On this rugged trail
Making the journey blurry and faded.
My destination. Hard to tell
Can't seem to believe how I'm doing all this to see that smile on your face
But it's raising my hopes. And it's what I live to see. Everyday
Being in your world means everything in mine, they're seeming to merge.
And I can't stay away

Even when you don't even notice I'm there,
I would show you my thoughts. but they're all of you
It be like another mirror for you to stare at yourself
I think you're made of glue
Because I'm unable to keep my eyes off you
Store my heart in this jar, made up my mind
I'm going to give it to you. for you to keep
Keep it safe. Keep it with yours
Our hearts were meant, to be within
Just keep it from shattering the jar, and ruining yours

You make me feel like a pirate
And your the treasure
Sail these seas, but not for the adventure
Enter this cave, a cave of your soul.
Find the center, filled with love
Stash it all, in my head, you won't ever stop supplying me with joy
You got it good, got the looks and feel the thrive to never let you go

Skip the sleep, forget the dinner,
Don't need any of it when you're on my mind
You feed me happiness, and it's all I need
Think to myself, how long will it last.
I just know I'll do anything to make it forever and a day
She's the wings on my back, that makes me fly over obstacles
The steel to my bat, to swing my problems away.
The half to my heart I've been searchin' for
She doesn't even try but I'm crazy for her

I could die right now, and it would be perfectly fine,
I've gotten the best of gods gifts. and I can save them forever
She's controlling cupid. Shooting me down
Barrage of arrows. Headed straight for my ass.
I've taken a leap of this mountain, highest of all
Falling for her. more and more.
Won't stop for her to catch me, mountain to high
Or a canyon so low, she won't dare to look.
This might just never end, I won't ever stop falling.

Maybe this is the problem,
She doesn't notice me falling for her. I'm to high in the sky
For her to see
Kink in her neck, can't look up to see.
A cloud has caught me, the one she made.
The cloud she say on, and played her melodies.
Jump off the cloud. Right into her lap.
She was set right there. Just to catch me
Wake up from it all. I'm still falling for her
But nobodies there to catch me

I've taken a nap, thinking of her,
She won't ever know, I'm falling hard as can be
Ask myself, what I'm I still doing chasing her
Something within, pushing me further and further
In the future, I can only see myself with her.
Tell me if she's ever going to notice
Seize my ability to sense clearly,
Create a world with my eyes shut,
To think of you.




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Gender Female
Points 2278
Reviews 38
This is one amazing poem! I loved how you linked the two lovers within the images you have described ealier. It was deep and honest. The way you would sacrifice anything for your lover really caught my attention, you are a great writer. Good job.
I fear no darkness, for my soul is entrapped behind its ruthless instants. The melody of sorrow has made the universe rotate without me.




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Gender Male
Points 300
Reviews 0
I thought this poem was wonderful when I read it. I think you are a good poet Quackermoo.




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Gender Female
Points 1094
Reviews 4
Yor metaphors are phonomenal, and I really get the poem. Most of the poems I review are either too vauge or too straightforward, but yours is perfect. I hope you have more ideas, because you have talent!
What is writing without criticism?



she slept with wolves without fear, for the wolves knew there was a lion among them.
— r.m. drake