Kafan

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This story was actually inspired by a dream I had a few months ago. I freaked me out for a few days and made it hard for me to sleep, so I decided to use it as a storyline. It's not quite finished yet as I have HSC going on, but I thought I might aswell put it up to see what people think of it so far.
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I’m on a bed, in the middle dimly lit room with only a lamp on, making shapes on the ceiling. I looked around the room; there was a wooden desk leaning against the wall across from me with an open book and a pen, holding the page open. The page was filled with the same word over and over again. Kafan. Just as I let my trembling hand reach for it, a wind flew past me so fast; it made me lose my balance. I looked behind me and noticed a door, feeling the cool floorboards under my feet, I reached out for it. I opened the door a tiny crack and poked my head out, a corridor to my left and a mirror at the end of the corridor. As I faced the mirror I noticed the reflection of a bathroom. I couldn’t see it clearly but I could tell that there was something in there, a figure in the bathroom. I couldn’t tell what it was but I knew I was staring straight at it.

I heard my brother, Kane walk down the stairs. “Mace?” he walked towards the kitchen, where I was. “Morning” I muttered. “Couldn’t sleep again?”. I nodded. After I drank my usual cup of coffee I walked to school. As I got to the front gate my phone beeped, a text. “Yeah, yeah. I’m here” I mumbled under my breath. “Mace!” I saw my friend Jess running towards me, her crazy blonde hair in a messy plait. “Where were you all weekend?” she asked as we walked inside the building. “oh, sorry, I’ve just been really tired lately” I said as I put we put our stuff in our locker and headed for homeroom. “I can tell, have you tried sleeping pills?” Jess asked, thoughtfully. “It’s not just the trouble sleeping, It’s the trouble staying asleep…and these creepy dreams” I explained as we sat down next to each other.
The bell rang for first period and Jess and I went our separate classes, in my case that was English. We were studying Shakespeare and that was the reason why we were watching Macbeth. The rest of the day went by as it usually did, slow and uneventful, before I knew it, it was the end of school. I walked out of my art class and instantly saw Jess and her boyfriend Clyde waiting for me. “Hey guys” I walked up to them. “Hey, you guys wanna chill at the usual place?” Clyde asked us both. Predictable, Jess agreed almost instantly. “Alright, but I can’t stay long, ok” I said as I let them lead the way to the front gate.
We arrived at our favorite coffee shop, on the far end of town. The place was a moderate size and hardly noticed by people, but that was the very reason we enjoyed spending time there. It wasn’t too crowded, no one we know from school hangs out there and there was coffee. We stayed there until five and then we walked towards our separate homes, for me that meant cutting through the town’s only cemetery as a shortcut. I entered the house and was instantly greeted by the smell of pepperoni pizza.
That night I had the dream again; I walked towards the mirror, and our eyes met, at that moment every part of my body told me to run back to the room and close the door. I ran back down the hall, my heart was racing, the blood pumping through my body. I looked back, it wasn’t chasing me but deep in my mind I knew that it was still standing there.
I jumped up, bead of sweat running down my face. My heart was still racing, my palms sweaty and my breathing uneven. I kicked off the covers and got out of bed. As I walked downstairs I noticed the kitchen light was on, to my left. I peeked around the wall, the thought of the figure in my dream still swirling around my head. My brother was there, standing in front of the fridge. He turned around as I walked in “Couldn’t sleep?”, I nodded and sat on the dining table as Kane took a seat next to me “Did you have the dream again?”he asked, his voice calm and soothing. “I actually saw it this time” My voice came out shaky and I could feel my hands doing the same.
“What did it look like?”
“It was wrapped up in a sort of cloth thing. It’s face was dark though, and blurred” Kane sat there patiently, waiting. “I don’t know why I’m running away from it. It’s not chasing me…it’s just…there”.
“Here” he passed me a drink.
“And, sometimes…” I paused. My voice came out a whisper now. “…I actually see it…when I’m awake” I flinched as the words came out. I could feel my whole body shaking, now.
I stayed up that night, in the living room, on the couch, watching, ‘A series of unfortunate events’. Kane came in with a bowl of popcorn. He put the bowl down and sat next to me. “Want me to stay up with you?” he asked. “I’m fine” I said as I looked at him and saw the redness of his eyes. “Ok, well, I’ll be just upstairs”.
I nodded.
About an hour later my eyes felt out of focus. I rubbed my eyes with both hands and when I opened them again, I noticed something on the corner of my eyes. Suddenly trembling, I turned towards the window on my left and there it was the figure that haunted my dreams. It has its back to me but I had the strongest feeling that it would turn around any second and reveal its dark, blurred out face. My heart begins to pound so hard I was sure Kane could hear it my mind screamed for me to run and get out of there but my body refused to move. It turned around on the spot, slowly to face it and the most terrifying sound escaped my throat. A second after that I heard Kane rush down the stairs, but the figure didn’t move. I stood there, staring at me with its eerie smile. Although its facial features were blurry I could tell it knew I was staring back at it. I rapidly closed my eyes and covered my ears with both hands. “Mace, what happened?!” Kane rushed in. “It…was right there!” I point a shaking finger towards the window. “What was?” he was confused. “Th—the thing” I stuttered. I wanted him to see, to understand, but deep down I knew I just sounded crazy.

“Where did you run off to this morning?” Kane asked. “oh, uh…just to the library” I answered before putting a spoon full of fried rice into my mouth. “to do what?” Kane asked, still curious. “I wanted to find out the meanings of these dreams” I answered. “did you?” he pressed on. “Well, I found out what the figure was” I told him and showed him a picture of a funeral ceremony. “It’s a traditional funeral ceremony for Muslims’”. Kane still looked confused, “it’s what they do to the dead, they wrap them up in white, unstitched cloth” I went on. “…and this is what you see?” he asked putting the picture down. “Yes, except I can never see the face…and I’m kind of glad” I took the picture and felt a violent shiver run down my spine.
“What do you think it means?”
“I think…it’s your lack of sleep” Kane said, getting to his feet. At that moment I could see that no one would believe me and that I was alone. In an attempt to get my mind off things I walked up the stairs to start my homework, as I set foot on the landing, there it was, at the end of the corridor. My palms begin to sweat and my mind screamed for me to run but my legs refused. It turned around, slowly. I felt my chest getting heavier with every breath I took as I ran to the nearest room on my left, the bathroom. I slam the door shut and leaned against it. I stood there waiting, trembling all over.
A few minutes passed and as I moved towards the mirror in front of me, I got a glimpse of something white near the bathroom window. Without even thinking I ran out of the bathroom and headed down the stairs. Heart pumping I ran out the door and into the cool evening air. Constantly looking back as I ran across the road. Blood pumping in my ears I was surprised by a moving truck. I collapsed to the ground, feeling fresh warm blood oozing down my face; I tried to move my body but was unsuccessful. The more I tried to breathe the harder it got. I looked to my left and the figure was standing there, smiling towards me.
Last edited by strangeshellie on Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:54 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Points 1040
Reviews 14
I am actually going to extend this but have no time because i have HSC going on at the moment haha




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Sweet, Your story is kind of like the ceremony's that you where telling me about.
I love the second half of the story, the whole idea is creepy but interesting at the same time.
I love how the character is sort of a blank canvas so when you read the story you feel like your them. It will be interesting to see the ending.
The first part of the story is a bit rough cause i think your trying to rush to get to the interesting bits of the story. Maybe if you just add some more emotions and descriptions of the scenery and people's actions it could bring the first part to life as well.
I love you you described the person she see's in the cloth, and how the main character never see's he's face it leaves a lot of mystery and makes you want to continue reading the story.

love it so far looking forward to reading the rest.
ItJustEmilie!




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Gender None specified
Points 1700
Reviews 11
Sweet, Your story is kind of like the ceremony's that you where telling me about.
I love the second half of the story, the whole idea is creepy but interesting at the same time.
I love how the character is sort of a blank canvas so when you read the story you feel like your them. It will be interesting to see the ending.
The first part of the story is a bit rough cause i think your trying to rush to get to the interesting bits of the story. Maybe if you just add some more emotions and descriptions of the scenery and people's actions it could bring the first part to life as well.
I love you you described the person she see's in the cloth, and how the main character never see's he's face it leaves a lot of mystery and makes you want to continue reading the story.

love it so far looking forward to reading the rest.
ItJustEmilie!




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Points 1057
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This is well written and very suspenseful. However, I'm wondering where you're trying to get at with the "funeral ceremony for Muslims?"




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 14
thanks :)
well it is actually what the muslims do to the dead. and there is a myth behind it that i havent quite linked in which is why i was planning on extending it :)



You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling