Young Writers Society

I guess all I can really say about this is that sometimes I feel like this, and it really is overpowering. I don't know if any of you have felt like this, but this poem is especially close to my heart. Please don't critique this poem too harshly, because then I'd have to kill you. XD I'm being serious though. (You're welcome to mean critique any of my other pieces, haha.) I might also write a blog about this too. -Jane

Do you know what it's like to be a nobody?
Can you tell me how it feels to be kicked,
Dumped,
and pushed down by someone who wants to assert their dominance over you?
Know what it's like to be broken?
To cry into your sweet stained pillow during a thunderstorm?

I've been played too many a time.
My saddened soul is bruised;
My arms laden with welts.
You cannot begin to tell me what disapointment feels like.
What pain's like.

I wonder who my best friend is
But come up with no one.
People like playing mind games;
Those smooth criminals.
They're eveywhere.
I've learned not to trust them.

Hide my heart in a safe and throw the key into the ocean.
Pain takes me hostage day-by-day.
I mean no harm but others harm me.
Now I walk in silence.
That's what it's like to be a nobody.

That was nice, I can connect with you there. Actually I think everyone who has been bullied or felt alone in their life can relate with this work.
I used to write poems like these when I was in highschool a few years back and trust me, they do help. Writing got me by.
so keep up the good work <3
And good faith

I really like this poem, I feel the same way sometimes and I've written many a song about it but nothing quite like this.
Only one thing I noticed, disappointment only has one s. other than that, really well done.

JaneThermopolis wrote:I guess all I can really say about this is that sometimes I feel like this, and it really is overpowering. I don't know if any of you have felt like this, but this poem is especially close to my heart. Please don't critique this poem too harshly, because then I'd have to kill you. XD I'm being serious though. (You're welcome to mean critique any of my other pieces, haha.) I might also write a blog about this too. -Jane

Do you know what it's like to be a nobody?
Can you tell me how it feels to be kicked,
Dumped,
and pushed down by someone who wants to assert their dominance over you?
Know what it's like to be broken?
To cry into your sweet stained pillow during a thunderstorm?

I've been played too many a time.
My saddened soul is bruised;
My arms laden with welts.
You cannot begin to tell me what disapointment feels like.
What pain's like.

I wonder who my best friend is
But come up with no one.
People like playing mind games;
Those smooth criminals.
They're eveywhere.
I've learned not to trust them.

Hide my heart in a safe and throw the key into the ocean.
Pain takes me hostage day-by-day.
I mean no harm but others harm me.
Now I walk in silence.
That's what it's like to be a nobody.

This is an amazing poem. You seemed so lonely and so sad, as if world's sorrow has taken over only you. Write more, and whenever you feel sad or angry just run to your pages becuase you can write! I'd love to read more from you, and I will!

I totally know what your talking about. I know how if feels to be bullied, harassed, and beat down. That poem what everything I had ever felt put into words. It was really good.

I think this was more an emotional-release poem then a artistic poem.
try rewriting this when you don't feel so emotional.

You didn't put an 'r' in everybody like there should be.

Oh, and there should be a comma after 'sweet' in stanza one, line six.

That's my only real critique.

Otherwise, I related to it. I'm pretty sure just about everyone can. -hugs- Hopefully, it'll get better.

Thank you all so much!!!!

200 Views! Not bad!

This is good. Ive felt the same way before and I know what you're trying to say.

I L-O-V-E this poem. I myself can't really relate to it, but i have many friends who have faced this time and time again. These are the kind of people that i vow to stand up for. Wonderful poem.

Hi Jane!

I agree with KatTrain, that this was more of a release than a crafted explanation of how you're feeling. And while raw emotion certainly has its place, the poem as a whole didn't really have a flow to it. I didn't feel pulled to continue reading just based on the way the poem was set up and moved. You jumped all over, but it didn't really work for me.

One more specific suggestion: Change from "a nobody" to just "nobody." Hearing, "aw man, I feel like a nobody," conjures images of Aladdin kicking a pebble down an alleyway in Agrabah or something. While you're trying to convey a feeling of isolation, it's ineffective to say "a nobody," since that implies that you're one of a larger group. Saying you're nobody at all sounds much lonelier.

Just a thought!

I like the idea of this anthology; nice work

Pretty Good. It obviously has a resounding message that can be felt and understood. One of the few poems you can read and get the message of without reading it twice. Just some nit picking and sugestions
-maybe you can start with the two questions in the first stanza
-i would try and format it so they are almost equal and not overpowering another line in the first
-since you used natural things ocean and thunderstorm see if that can be the connection between all of the stanzas because in some way they have to appear common
-instead of saying; You cannot begin to tell me what disapointment feels like, to make it more even with the line befor emaybe say you cannot tell what dissapointment I've dealt
-rewording i would use as not but in I mean no harm but others harm me.....i mean no harm as others harm(ed) me
But otherwise pretty good. Sorry about being a perfectionist just trying to help you out

Do you know what it's like to be a nobody?Can you tell me how it feels to be kicked,Dumped,and pushed down by someone who wants to assert their dominance over you?Know what it's like to be broken?To cry into your sweet stained pillow during a thunderstorm?I've been played too many a time.My saddened soul is bruised;My arms laden with welts.You cannot begin to tell me what disapointment feels like.What pain's like.I wonder who my best friend isBut come up with no one.People like playing mind games;Those smooth criminals.They're eveywhere.I've learned not to trust them.Hide my heart in a safe and throw the key into the ocean.Pain takes me hostage day-by-day.I mean no harm but others harm me.Now I walk in silence.That's what it's like to be a nobody.