On top of The World

On top of the world
The grass grows green
I look at clouds pearled
Things I have never seen

You turn crazy
Into a whirl
Blowing a daisy
On top of the world

See the sun
In our sky
On the run
Up,
Up,
High

On top of the world
The grass grows green
I dance and am twirled
Happy I am, you have seen

Crazy you are
My beautiful sky
Moon and star
Kiss my guy

Night at last
All at home
We look far past
Our worldly dome

Spinning fast
We’re gone going
Facing past
Finally we’re slowing

On top of the world
I have been
I have seen
I have twirled
I have whirled
I have loved
I have hated
I have lain

On the ground
And seen the world
Upside down


~*OJ*~

Is this a narrative poem? No. You didn't put much effort into this poem, and you didn't put much effort into putting it in the right place. Uh oh. I'm sure you have better work than this.

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I think you probably should have put this into lyrical, because, although you WROTE it from mulitple points of view, the poem is from one point of view. Yu still could have approached that a little nicer, Timjim.

I sort of like this poem, but I don't know what you are trying to convey with it, it doesn't really have a story with it. Some of it seems almost random babbling.

I like how you keep coming back to this grassy place... It's almost like a metaphor.

You turn crazy
Into a whirl

This line seems awkward and make no sense. The rest of it sounds... fitting though... These are the only 2 lines i'd change.

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I would have liked the 'Up Up' in one line and then in the forth line 'high'.I guess its long and simple,though its good.

THANKS

I liked the peom but I'm not sure what it's about . I'll probably understand it better if you explain it to me. I'm not very good with poetry.

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