Last Regret

There’s something behind that innocent eye,
A forlorn memory,
That she’s seen, and she keeps asking why?
It causes her grief, and infinite pain,
And when those diamond tears would fall,
I should‘ve been there,
To catch them before they took the toll,
I should’ve stood beside her,
To protect her heart from fray,
But only if I could’ve been there for her,
On that very same day...

I should’ve read between the lines,
Of fear and pain,
Put your life before mine,
But now it’s too late,
I’m the one to blame,
As I failed to interpret that fake smile,
And let you burn that scarlet flame.

Who says there’s no room for regrets?
As well of the pure regret,
Already fills up my heart,
As I feel as though I’m the one,
Who brought us so worldly apart.

As I failed to avert you,
From doing that horrid crimson painting,
That stole your life away
And in the end,
It was our love that you were tainting.

It's good, but going from the first four lines to the next seemed (to me at least) that it didn't really flow very well. Also, in your 3rd stanza(each, I guess paragraph), in the first two lines you use the word "regret" twice which makes it sound a little repetitive. In the last stanza, the word "avert" in the first line, doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. I like your poem, but I think you need to work on how it flows a little bit. To me it starts to flow, then stops and then regains the flow. Sorry, I don't think I made much sense with the flow part, so just look at the rhythm again and try to smoothen it out. Keep doing more of these!

Bluntness beyond. Beware.

And when those diamond tears would fall,

Involuntary visceral reaction = eurgh.

I was following well enough up until this point. "Diamond tears" and all its variants is so overused and cliche, just as the dramatic single tear is, and seeing it anywhere just instantly pulls me out of whatever it is I'm reading as I go "Oh not again."

Cut it and replace with something not as trite and overused.

As I failed to avert you,

You cannot avert someone. You can divert someone, but you cannot avert. It's like saying you can prevent someone. It makes no sense and only leaves your reader wondering, "Prevent someone from doing what?"

Right then. There are two main issues with this poem. One deals with the wording, and the other is the rhyme.

Firstly, what is the rhyme pattern? Pick one and stick with it throughout the stanza, at the very least. Right now, you change the rhyme scheme at random, and often within a stanza. Doing so destroys the flow of the poem and the effectiveness of the rhyme as rhymes rely upon patterns to work.

Secondly, your wording is quite bland to the point of being vague, and the imagery you have is so common as to be trite, verging upon cliche. When coupled with the mangled rhyme, this poem does not make for good reading. Rather than rely upon common nouns such as "pain" and "grief" or adjectives like "infinite" or "pure", describe to your readers the exact type and extent of pain and grief "she" experienced as perceived by the narrator. Show us her actions, give us a glimpse at her motivations, and generally allow the readers to see and understand why the narrator would be emotionally affected by her suicide. Right now, this poem has none of that, and so remains unmemorable and generic.

More than anything, expanding upon the situation of this poem and showing your readers the reason why the narrator is so affected is necessary to take this poem from mediocre to decent. As-is, this poem elicited an "Urgh. Not another one of these" reaction from me.