Nari Loves Yeon Sook CHAPTER I

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12:57PM, TUESDAY.

I'm deeply ensconced in my office chair with my feet spread-eagled under the mahogany table. I feel sleepy---no, stressed out---at the moment. I slightly drum my fingers on the computer keyboard as I gently swivel my chair. I try to close my eyes, suddenly wishing that I am not in this place. That I am with somebody; somebody I love the most---I am with Chi.

Shit! The realization hits me with a bang. I miss Chi. God, how I miss that woman! I flip my wrist to check my watch. January 21. Exactly 46 days since I last saw her face and held them with my hands. Suddenly, I'm awake. I edge my seat forward and try to reach the mouse with my right hand. I fondle it for awhile as I scan the desktop icons on the monitor. With a soft click, the Mozilla browser opens.

The words seem to dance on the address bar as I type www. friendster.com on the keyboard.

Connecting…


Transferring data from www. friendster.com...

I tap the mouse playfully and begin to whistle a few bars of ‘I'm Yours’. Chi likes this song, I suddenly remember. I almost laugh aloud as I recall the times she would request---I mean, order---me to sing the song for her, knowing fully well how my singing resembles a frog's croaking.

A few more clicks and I'm in. It's been awhile since I visited her profile. I drag the mouse-wheel down as I give a cursory glance on the whole webpage. No changes. Except the name. It's now in Korean script. Does it read Chi? I begin to wonder. Wait. There's a new album too. My hands are trembling now. A sudden feeling of dreadfulness envelops my whole being as I hesitantly open the album.

****

EVERYTHING BECOMES black.

Who am I? Where am I? Why is it dark? Am I dead? Is this hell? A barrage of questions crosses my mind. Then I realize my eyes are just tightly closed. Slowly and fearfully, I force them open. Physical awareness comes back to me full force. I am in my office, I am not dead, (at least, not yet) and certainly I'm not in hell. But to my languishing mind, the reality facing me on the monitor is far more dreadful than the deepest pit of hell itself.

My eyes are glued to the monitor now. No title description on the picture. The word above it simply says, DSC10056.jpg. So she's still using the Sony Cybershot camera I gave her last year. Sweet.

The image is a close-up view of fine beach sand. A pair of petite footprints---Chi's footprints?---on the bottom left of the picture is still distinguishable. Clumps of dead seaweeds are sparsely scattered on the topmost part while two vertical shadows in parallel positions loom above them. They must be arms; quite slender. Just like Chi’s.

Beautiful. Everything is beautiful in the photograph except from the fact that we’ve never been to a beach together. That, and the Korean script written on the sand.

****

MY EYES are hurting now. I must have been staring at the picture for a half hour or so. I forcefully pull my gaze away from the monitor, feeling the cold bitter tears starting to well around my eye’s rims. I slowly lean backward, letting the soft leathery blackness of the executive chair engulf my lean body. As I close my eyes for the second time, two fat drops of clear liquid begin their descent. They travel slowly along my cheeks, dangle on my chin for a second or two, then softly---and ever so gently---fall on my lap.

God! Why do I think like this? I shouted in my mind. I trust Chi and I know that she wouldn’t betray that trust because she loves me! Then my mind begins to wander. I am sitting in a dark movie house, watching myself and Chi in the big screen. A familiar scene is being played:

    It’s a humid afternoon in Baguio and I'm visiting Chi for a few days. I can see myself sitting on a wooden stool. Using my lap as a table, I am busy scribbling something on a sheet of paper torn from a notebook. As I write, I hear soft footfalls drawing near, bringing with it the enticing aroma of cappuccino coffee. The tinkling sound of a cup and saucer being laid down on the side table follows.

    “Magkape ho muna kayo, Señor,” a sweet voice says, followed by a giggle. (Have a cup of coffee, sir)

    I wince. Señor. Don. That’s her way of teasing me. I look up, feeling slightly irritated. But gazing at the smiling figure in front of me instantly melts my irritation to oblivion. The sight of the stubborn but clearly feminine chin, the white pearly teeth set on thin red lips, the high thin nose, the innocent but playful eyes with its naturally curling eyelashes and the ebony hair reaching her navel is enough to make me forget all my worries, fears and frustrations. Even enough to make me forget everything.

    She pushes my hands away, letting them drop to my side. She then sits on my lap, encircles her arms around my neck and rests her head on my shoulder.

    “Palagi ka na lang nagsusulat,” she accuses, while playfully twisting my hair on her fingers. (You're always writing.)

    I give out a grunt. “Hobby ko lang naman yan.” (It's just a hobby.)

    “Alam ko.” (I know.) She smiles, then pinches my left ear. “Naglalambing lang po ako, Señor.” (I was just being sweet, Señor---a loose translation)

    Silence.

    “Jid?”

    “Hmm?”

    “Nasulat mo na siguro ‘tong sasabihin ko.” (You may have already written what I'm about to say.) She starts to nuzzle my neck now.

    I smile.

    “Pero sasabihin ko pa rin kasi makulit ako.” (But I'll still say it because I'm persistent.---a loose translation)

    I chuckle aloud.

    Silence again.

    “I love you so much, Jid. No matter what happens, hindi magbabago yan. Ikaw lang nagmamay-ari sa ‘kin.” (. . . it will not change. I am yours alone.)

    I am touched, deeply touched. “Parang nasulat ko na nga.” (Yeah, I think I may I have written it already.) I smile weakly, trying to hide the exploding happiness deep inside me.

    “Sira!” She says, laughing. (Oh, you!---a loose translation) She stops nuzzling my neck then looks me directly in the eye. “Totoo ‘yon, Jid.” (It's the truth, Jid) A pair of twinkling innocent eyes gazes back at me.

    “Alam ko, Chi.” (I know, Chi.) I encircle her waist with my arm and draw her body nearer for a tight embrace. "Alam ko.” (I know.)

Then the scene slowly fades out. The room vanishes first, leaving behind a silhouette of the two figures on the chair. A few moments more and the figures disappear, seemingly swallowed by a gaping void of blackness.

I suddenly feel a deep sense of relief. Chi loves me very much; she will never betray my trust. All I need to do is trust her, I begin to reason out. I only feel like this because I am lonely and I miss her so much.

The gentle knocking on my office door forces me back to reality. And the first image that meets my eye is the picture on the monitor. Reminding me... Taunting me... The heavy feeling in my heart comes back and loneliness and desperation enclose my whole being again.

The figure at the door clears his throat. I recognize the voice. Lee Sang Hyup. Korean. English name: Max. Seventeen years old. Athletic. Tall. Muscular. A beginner student of English in the language school where I work. He has been coming to my office for the past few hours, begging me to replace his teacher with another.

I utter a sigh. “Come in, Max!”

He closes the door gently. He looks bewildered and ashamed. Noticing his hesitation, I motion him to a chair.

“Cha-change... teacher... Now?” he says, in his halting English.

“Unfortunately, you still can’t. We don’t have vacant teachers for today, Max.” I say, shaking my head.

“O-ok.” he says, disappointment showing on his face. “Tha-thank you, sir.” He stands up, gives me the oriental bow and walks to the door dejectedly.

Suddenly I remember.

“Max.”

He’s about to turn the door knob open but suddenly stops when he hears me calling him.

“Ye-yes?”

“Uhm... How do you read this?” I say, pointing a pen at the monitor.

He strides hurriedly towards my table. I rotate the monitor to my right a little so he can see the picture clearly. He squints a few times before focusing his tiny eyes on the monitor.

“Na-nari...Heart...Ye-yeon Sook...” Then he smiles. “Nari loves Yeon Seok!” he declares, now grinning proudly.

“Are you sure?” My heart starts to beat fast, like a piston wheel churning faster.

“Yes!” Max is positively gleaming. “Nari… Girl name… Heart picture is love… Yeon Sook… Sometimes girl… Sometimes boy name...”

“Nari loves Yeon Sook...” I weakly say.

“Nari loves Yeon Sook,” Max happily repeats.

~tobecontinued
Love your enemies, just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.




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Hey,
I thought this was nice. There were just a few things...

PadrePio wrote:12:57PM, TUESDAY.

I'm deeply ensconced in my office chair with my feet spread-eagled There shouldn't be a d at the end of eagle. under the mahogany table. This sentence, especially the first part sounds a bit odd. It might be ensconce which is a good word but I don't think I like it here. I feel sleepy---no, stressed out How do you get sleepy and stressed mixed up? Normally, if I'm stressed I have problems sleeping. I'm not so sure about it. Why is he stressed?---at the moment. I don't think at the moment is needed. I slightly drum my fingers on the computer keyboard as I gently swivel my chair. Is he trying to do something at the computer? I try to close my eyes, suddenly wishing that I am not in this place. That I am with somebody; Comma instead of a semi-colon somebody I love the most---I am with Chi.

Shit! The realization hits me with a bang. I miss Chi. God, how I miss that woman! Okay, this is small and I'm not sure about it... You make it sound like you didn't think you missed her until day 46 and then you make it sound like you've missed her since she left so it's a little confusing... maybe. I flip my wrist to check my watch. January 21. Exactly 46 days since I last saw her face and held them with my hands. Suddenly, I'm awake. I edge my seat forward and try to reach the mouse with my right hand. I fondle it for awhile as I scan the desktop icons on the monitor. With a soft click, the Mozilla browser opens.

The words seem to dance on the address bar as I type www. friendster.com on the keyboard.

Connecting…


Transferring data from www. friendster.com...

I tap the mouse playfully and begin to whistle a few bars of ‘I'm Yours’. So first you're stressed and sleepy... and now you're happy? I think there's a little too much mood change here.Chi likes this song, I suddenly remember. I almost laugh aloud as I recall the times she would request---I mean, order---me to sing the song for her, knowing fully well how my singing resembles a frog's croaking.

A few more clicks and I'm in. It's been awhile since I visited her profile. I drag the mouse-wheel down as I give a cursory glance on To instead of on. the whole webpage. No changes. Except the name. It's now in Korean script. Does it read Chi? I begin to wonder. Wait. There's a new album too. My hands are trembling now. A sudden feeling of dreadfulness envelops my whole being as I hesitantly open the album.

****

EVERYTHING BECOMES black.

Who am I? Where am I? Why is it dark? Am I dead? Is this hell? A barrage of questions crosses my mind. Then I realize my eyes are just tightly closed. This is a bit of a let down. You're building us up for something and then you let it down as nothing... He closed his eyes... and thought he was in hell? What?Slowly and fearfully, I force them open. Physical awareness comes back to me full force. I'm pretty sure closing your eyes doesn't block physical awareness.I am in my office, I am not dead, (at least, not yet) and certainly I'm not in hell. But to my languishing mind, the reality facing me on the monitor is far more dreadful than the deepest pit of hell itself.
...Okay, all of that is a bit hard to believe. You closed your eyes and forgot you were alive? I think you might need to just get rid of this part or at least drastically change it.

My eyes are glued to the monitor now. No title description on the picture. The word above it simply says, DSC10056.jpg. So she's still using the Sony Cybershot camera I gave her last year. Sweet.

The image is a close-up view of fine beach sand. A pair of petite footprints---Chi's footprints?---on the bottom left of the picture is still distinguishable. Clumps of dead seaweeds are sparsely scattered on the topmost part while two vertical shadows in parallel positions loom above them. They must be arms; quite slender. The way that sentence is formed is weird. I wouldn't have a semi-colon because that's not how a semi-colon is used. I'd try something like They must be her arms. They're still slender like I remember. That happens to be a really bad example but you get the idea. Just like Chi’s.

Beautiful. Everything is beautiful in the photograph except from the fact that we’ve never been to a beach together. Why does this make the picture less beautiful? That, and the Korean script written on Maybe in? the sand.

****

MY EYES are hurting now. I must have been staring at the picture for a half hour or so. I forcefully pull my gaze away from the monitor, feeling the cold bitter tears starting to well around my eye’s Since you're talking about both eyes it would be plural so the apostrophe goes after the s with no s following it. rims. I slowly lean backward, letting the soft leathery blackness of the executive chair engulf my lean body. As I close my eyes for the second time, two fat drops of clear liquid begin their descent. They travel slowly along my cheeks, dangle on my chin for a second or two, then softly---and ever so gently---fall on my lap. I liked the travelling of the tears and all. I thought it was very sweet.

God! Why do I think like this? I shouted in my mind. I trust Chi and I know that she wouldn’t betray that trust because she loves me! Why is Chi gone? Then my mind begins to wander. I am sitting in a dark movie house, watching myself and Chi in the big screen. A familiar scene is being played:

    It’s a humid afternoon in Baguio and I'm visiting Chi for a few days. I can see myself sitting on a wooden stool. Using my lap as a table, I am busy scribbling something on a sheet of paper torn from a notebook. As I write, I hear soft footfalls drawing near, bringing with it the enticing aroma of cappuccino coffee. The tinkling sound of a cup and saucer being laid down on the side table follows.

    “Magkape ho muna kayo, Señor,” a sweet voice says, followed by a giggle. (Have a cup of coffee, sir) Don't get me wrong, you need the translation but I don't think you need the parentheses.

    I wince. Señor. Don. That’s her way of teasing me. For those of us who aren't even exactly sure what language your speaking... like... me you might want to tell us why her calling you senor is so offensive. I look up, feeling slightly irritated. But gazing at the smiling figure in front of me instantly melts my irritation to oblivion. The sight of the stubborn but clearly feminine chin, the white pearly teeth set on thin red lips, the high thin nose, the innocent but playful eyes with its Their instead of its. naturally curling eyelashes and the ebony hair reaching her navel is enough to make me forget all my worries, fears and frustrations. Even enough to make me forget everything.

    She pushes my hands away, letting them drop to my side. She then sits on my lap, encircles her arms around my neck and rests her head on my shoulder.

    “Palagi ka na lang nagsusulat,” she accuses, while playfully twisting my hair on her fingers. (You're always writing.)

    I give out a grunt. “Hobby ko lang naman yan.” (It's just a hobby.)

    “Alam ko.” (I know.) She smiles, then pinches my left ear. “Naglalambing lang po ako, Señor.” (I was just being sweet, Señor---a loose translation) We don't need to know it's a loose translation. I'm guessing most of us don't know whatever language their speaking.

    Silence. Try I say nothing. Since you're supposed to be talking it's a little weird.

    “Jid?”

    “Hmm?”

    “Nasulat mo na siguro ‘tong sasabihin ko.” (You may have already written what I'm about to say.) She starts to nuzzle my neck now.

    I smile.

    “Pero sasabihin ko pa rin kasi makulit ako.” (But I'll still say it because I'm persistent.---a loose translation)

    I chuckle aloud.

    Silence again. Same thing here.

    “I love you so much, Jid. No matter what happens, hindi magbabago yan. Ikaw lang nagmamay-ari sa ‘kin.” (. . . it will not change. I am yours alone.)

    I am touched, deeply touched. “Parang nasulat ko na nga.” (Yeah, I think I may I have written it already.) Why would he have already written it? Do you mean heard it? I smile weakly, trying to hide the exploding happiness deep inside me.

    “Sira!” She says, laughing. (Oh, you!---a loose translation) She stops nuzzling my neck then looks me directly in the eye. “Totoo ‘yon, Jid.” (It's the truth, Jid) A pair of twinkling innocent eyes gazes back at me.

    “Alam ko, Chi.” (I know, Chi.) I encircle her waist with my arm and draw her body nearer for a tight embrace. "Alam ko.” (I know.)

Then the scene slowly fades out. The room vanishes first, leaving behind a silhouette of the two figures on the chair. A few moments more and the figures disappear, seemingly swallowed by a gaping void of blackness.

I suddenly feel a deep sense of relief. Chi loves me very much; she will never betray my trust. All I need to do is trust her, I begin to reason out. I only feel like this because I am lonely and I miss her so much.

The gentle knocking on my office door forces me back to reality. And the first image that meets my eye is the picture on the monitor. Reminding me... Taunting me... The heavy feeling in my heart comes back and loneliness and desperation enclose my whole being again.

The figure at the door clears his throat. I recognize the voice. I don't think you could recognize the clearing of a throat. Lee Sang Hyup. Korean. English name: Max. Seventeen years old. Athletic. Tall. Muscular. As a description this was kind of sad. It was like reading his file. A beginner student of English in the language school where I work. As what? He has been coming to my office for the past few hours, begging me to replace his teacher with another. Why?

I utter a sigh. “Come in, Max!”

He closes the door gently. He looks bewildered and ashamed. Why? Noticing his hesitation, I motion him to a chair.

“Cha-change... teacher... Now?” he says, in his halting English.

“Unfortunately, you still can’t. We don’t have vacant teachers for today, Max.” I say, shaking my head.

“O-ok.” he says, disappointment showing on his face. “Tha-thank you, sir.” He stands up, gives me the oriental bow and walks to the door dejectedly.

Suddenly I remember.

“Max.”

He’s about to turn the door knob open but suddenly stops when he hears me calling him.

“Ye-yes?”

“Uhm... How do you read this?” I say, pointing a pen at the monitor.

He strides hurriedly towards my table. I rotate the monitor to my right a little so he can see the picture clearly. He squints a few times before focusing his tiny eyes on the monitor.

“Na-nari...Heart...Ye-yeon Sook...” Then he smiles. “Nari loves Yeon Seok!” he declares, now grinning proudly. Is Max a little slow? I can't be sure. If not you need to try to fix it because with all of his stuttering it gives me that idea. Especially when he's reading his own language. You really need to clear it up either way.

“Are you sure?” My heart starts to beat fast, like a piston wheel churning faster.

“Yes!” Max is positively gleaming. “Nari… Girl name… Heart picture is love… Yeon Sook… Sometimes girl… Sometimes boy name...”

“Nari loves Yeon Sook...” I weakly say. Does Nari mean Chi? I'm confused. Why is that a bad thing?

“Nari loves Yeon Sook,” Max happily repeats.

~tobecontinued


To sum everything up. It was okay. I think some of the sentence structure was off... and somethings aren't very clear. I did enjoy the story line though. If you need someone to review chapter two please PM me.
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Everything was excellent, I must say. There was a perfect flashback , in the middle of the story.
Though the reader cannot possibly know who Nari and Yeon Sook are.
Along with that; in the other chapter maybe you can explain who they are.
Bye. CardDragon.
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