Too Little, Too Late

I'm not a good poet so bear with me. And this is not a true story it just kind of came to me, although i did have friend that cut her self. She did not die though. This is kind of free verse, although it rhymes at parts the length of the lines aren't supposed to fit a rhyme scheme or anything. Well anyway this is it:




You use blade to take away your pain,
You use soap and water to wash away your stains.
You wear wristbands to cover up the scars until they fade,
you drink alcohol to try and wipe your memory away.

You use a blade to take away your pain,
as your friend washes away the stains.
Swore to secrecy not to tell of the scars that fade,
with no way to wipe his memory away.

You use a blade to take away your pain,
as your mom washed away the stains.
Too scared you'll finish the job, to tell of the stains that fade,
with no way to wipe her memory away.

You used a blade to take away your pain,
a one time deal, now gone too far, now too late.
The tears of loved ones aren't enough to wash away the stains.
Now everyone knows of the scars that won't fade.
With no way to wipe their memory away,
in their hearts you'll remain

you realize too little, too late.

I really liked this. Granted the vocoularly is simplistic and It could use working on for a bit but I loved the structure of the stanzas and how it ended.

One line for me stuck out as something I would change;

"The tears of loved ones aren't enough to wash away the stains."

I liked this because it means throughout the poem, not only where the MCs character's friends and parnets washing away the stains, but crying whilst doing it. That for me had some powerful imagery. The only thing I find annoying is the "Loved ones", it's too formal and overused for the poem. Maybe it would work slightly rephrased or just find a different word.

Overall I loved this, it is just generally a good solid poem. The ending was the best bit, as every poems end should be and you used italics well to emphaise on the changes the character made each stanza. Bravo! With a litte more work, some improved vocabulary and maybe the line "You realise too little, too late" being two lines down, this could be an amazing poem.

Izzy

Aoow, Touchy Poem!
Allhough there were quite many spelling mistakes and it ruined the whole thing a little and sometimes the rythm got a bit unregular and so on. But the theme and story through out the Poem were really exciting and emotional!
4/5 toasts!

Hugs and Hearts from Sagaa

I'm not a good poet so bear with me. And this is not a true story it just kind of came to me, although i did have friend that cut her self. She did not die though. This is kind of free verse, although it rhymes at parts the length of the lines aren't supposed to fit a rhyme scheme or anything. Well anyway this is it:

So I can already connect with you, because I also had a really good friend who cut herself and she did not die, either. She's really important to me, and this is making me all sad and sappy remembering, but ahem, excuse the randomness. Now on to teh poem!!!

I like the progression of the poem from stanza to stanza, and how it moves from person to person, yet still keeps that semi-repetitive form. I love the concept of each person washing away the stains, yet none of them can take the memory away. They can wash away a stain, but they cannot wash away a memory, or what they've seen, and what they know of the scars on the person's wrists. Because that is not something you can easily cast from your mind, nor cover up, nor drink away. It in itself is a scar that doesn't really ever fade.

It also really casts the effect and the emotion that is shown on both the person and the loved ones. How both are affected, and how both react and feel. How both are scarred, even if only one person cuts them self and goes too far with it.

It was kind of sad. Simple, yet sad.
I liked it, though.
Don't have much other to say on it, though, sorry. I mean, I could critique, but I really don't know what to critique, lol.

Thank you guys so much! Like I said I'm not a great poet but i really think this is one of my better ones. I know the grammar is bad, I really need to brush up on that. The words are simple, yes, but I like this poem to be simple in a way. I think the simple words actually show the complexity of the situation In my opinion., I guess I am a little bisad though LOL.

To Hibiscus, Yes having a friend that cuts themselves is really hard. The first thing i did when my friend told me, is tell my parents. She promised me not to but i was so scared for her i had to tell someone. She got mad at me for this but i explained to her how worried i was about her and she calmed down. Well i prayed for her, and she finally stopped cutting and now she lives a happy life so i'm glad she wasn't too little, too late. Thank you for commenting on my poem, and I'm glad you understand the emotin i put in. I wish the best for your friend

Well thanks again guys1

Also To Zaddie, what would you suggest to a replacement word or words for 'loved ones'? I want it to be broad enough to include friends and family but not to broad. Thanks again fro your comment, and help

OK so I too have had a friend that did this kind of stuff to themselves and I wish they could have read this poem before doing all of those bad things to them..anyways good poem..like stated before sad but good..switch it up next time and write something happy because in this world we need all the happy we can get..another reason why I write comedies