Chasing Normal Ch. 3

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3689
Reviews 19
CHAPTER THREE

Somehow, even though Kaida had just met her classmates a few days before, she felt safe here. She had even been able to fall into a deep sleep without a thought towards guarding her possessions. Keeping a close eye on her things had become almost second nature to her.

Waking suddenly, Kaida instinctively grabbed for her bag as she shrank back into the corner and froze, alert to every sound and movement. As she waited, Kaida remembered where she was. Relaxing the grip she had on her backpack, Kaida told herself to go back to sleep. That she had nothing to worry about. But whatever had woken her was still out there; she could hear someone breathing just outside her tent.

‘I’m safe here,’ Kaida reminded herself. ‘I’m supposed to be here. No one is going to send me home.’ No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t forget that there was someone waiting, even hiding, just outside her tent. There was no obvious reason for someone to be up this early. Kaida had learned early on the streets that behaviours which go against the established pattern are usually dangerous.

Kaida finally slipped on her shoes and crept out of the tent, knowing that she wouldn’t be going back to sleep until she had satisfied herself about the intruder. Looking around the campsite, she couldn’t see anyone else. But she could still hear another person somewhere nearby. Walking silently around the edge of her tent, Kaida came across one of the counsellors sitting on a fallen log. Kaida was about to ask Cat what she was doing up, until she realised what she hadn’t been able to distinguish from further away. Cat was crying. Trying to slip back into her tent unnoticed, Kaida stepped on a dry twig and the loud snap echoed through the silent pre-dawn woods. Kaida swore and moved faster trying to reach the shelter of her tent before the source of the noise was discovered. If Cat knew she had seen...

“No swearing,” Cat told her, trying to sound stern and not quite making it. “We don’t tolerate any kind of language here.” Kaida was about to make a smart reply, but thought better of it.

“I was just coming back from the bathroom,” she explained. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“This is your only warning,” Cat told her. “Next time you’ll have extra chores. Get back to bed before someone else catches you.” Kaida turned to head back to her tent, but found herself walking over to Cat instead.

“Mind if I sit with you for a bit?” Kaida asked.

“You’ll wish you’d gotten more sleep,” Cat told her. “But you can stay if you really want to.”

Settling down on the log beside Cat, Kaida asked curiously, “What exactly are we doing today?”

“We’re having a sunrise memorial for Elizabeth overlooking the cliffs. That’s her favourite place on the island.”

“Like a funeral?” Kaida asked.

“It’s NOT a funeral! She’s still alive. They just haven’t been able to find her yet. We’re going to be remembering all of her favourite times with this group and praying for the rescue teams to find her. She’ll probably be back on campus before we are.”

“What if she’s not?”

“Beth is still alive,” Cat repeated. “I’d appreciate if you’d keep the negative comments to yourself. You may not care that she’s missing, but the rest of us are really worried. We have enough to deal with without someone spreading negative thoughts.”

“But what if they don’t find her?” Kaida asked again. “Shouldn’t you be preparing everyone for the possibility?”

“We’ll deal with that news if it comes. Right now the kids need all the hope we can give them. Some of them have been to far too many funerals already.”

“What about you?” Kaida questioned. “Do you still have hope?”

“I know they’ll find her.” Cat glanced across the clearing, noticing that the deepest of the darkness was starting to disperse. “You should get ready,” she told Kaida. “We’ll be heading out soon.”

“No one else is up,”

“They know how to get ready quickly. Until you’ve been here a while, you’ll probably need a little more time.”

Cat stood and watched as Kaida walked away and slipped back into her tent. As soon as her student was out of sight, Cat collapsed back onto the log. Staring off into the distance, reflecting on their conversation, Cat knew that Kaida had a point. It had been thirty-eight hours. If Beth was still in the water, there was no chance of finding her alive. Even if she’d managed to drag herself out of the water, the chances of hearing good news from the rescue team were getting slimmer with every passing minute. The chimes signalling a message could come across the radio any time now, and they wouldn’t be able to pretend anymore.

What if Beth didn’t come back? What would happen to the group? How would they go on without her? How would Cat go on without her? There had been accidents at the school before, but never involving one of Cat’s kids. Beth wasn’t her favourite student or anything, but Cat still wasn’t ready to lose a kid. Beth had to be alright. She just had to.
********************************************
“Everyone ready?” Andrew asked as the students gathered around him, blinking away the haze of sleep that hang over all of them at such an early hour. “Lead or sweep?” he asked Cat as they prepared to head out.

“Take the lead,” Cat told him. Andrew hesitated for a moment, worried that she wouldn’t meet his gaze. When she continued to look away, he shrugged and headed off to the front of the line.

“Move out,” he called as he led the teens off down the trail. From her position in the middle of the line, Kaida had a good view of most of the group. Only the last few hikers were out of her sight. Pausing to let several people pass her, Kaida made her way back to Cat.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Cat asked when she spotted Kaida walking towards her.

“I just wanted to see how you’re doing. It didn’t look like you’d slept much.”

“I’m used to these hikes,” Cat told her. “Get back to your spot and don’t worry about me.” Kaida shrugged and made her way back up the line. It was obvious that Cat was hiding something, but Kaida wasn’t going to push her. She’d learned to hide her feelings on those long dark nights when weakness could be deadly. She would never open up to someone that she’d only known for a few days, and had to allow Cat the same option.

“Where are we going?” Janika asked Andrew.

“Why, do you want to take the lead?”

“Not if you want to get there today,” she told him.

“It would be good practise.”

“I don’t want to practise. The sooner we get back to campus and have Beth back with the group the better.”

“It’s been over thirty-six hours,” Andrew reminded Janika. “Beth may not be coming back.”

“She’s probably back at campus waiting for us. We need to hurry up and get back before she thinks something bad has happened to us.”

“We don’t know what’s going to happen. All we can do is pray that God will help her and help us.”

“She’ll be there. I know she will.”

“We can’t count on that,” Andrew said quietly. “You’ve got to face the possibility that you may not be seeing her again.”

“Don’t say that,” Janika yelled. “She has come back.”

“Nika,” Andrew whispered, putting his arm around her shoulders and turning her around to face him, “what if she doesn’t?”

“She has to,” Janika whispered, hurrying on ahead of Andrew. He tried to catch up to her, but she refused to be caught. They were following a well marked trail now, so he finally let her go, walking just fast enough to keep her in sight. She’d have to face the truth sometime. If she wasn’t ready to listen yet, he’d give her a break. They’d all realise the truth eventually, in their own time. Pushing them too far could make it even harder for them to cope with whatever the outcome ended up being.
*********************************************
“Andrew are you there? Andrew come in. Can you hear me?”

“Hey Mer, I hear you.” Andrew said grabbing the radio off his belt. “Is there news?”

“No news yet. The search teams will be heading out again in about an hour. If they don’t find anything today...they’ll have to call off the search. They just don’t have the manpower at such a small detachment to support a sustained search.”

“You can’t let them stop,” Andrew told her urgently, trying to keep the rising panic from becoming evident in his voice. The kids were within hearing distance. He had to be strong for them.

“The volunteers have agreed to continue searching tomorrow, but the officers will be done once it’s too dark to search safely tonight.”

“If we turn around now, we’ll be back before sundown. We should be helping with the search.”

“I don’t think that’s the best thing for your group right now Andrew.”

”What if they have to give up a few feet before they find her? A few more people could make all the difference. You got to let us help.”

“The search teams are doing the best they can. Nearly the whole town has volunteered to join in the search. The best place for your group at the moment is right where you are, together. It’s been a really rough week for all of us. You guys need to be there for each other. Let us worry about the logistics on this end.”

“I feel like I’m not doing anything useful up here,” Andrew confided in a whisper. “I promise all of my kids that I’ll always be there for them. What good am I doing Beth up here?”

“You’re supporting her friends. That means a lot to her. Your whole group needs you right now. There are a lot of people out looking for Beth. The rest of the group needs support too, whatever the outcome may be.” They were both silent a moment. Andrew focussing all of his attention on the trail ahead of him to keep from thinking, as Meredith stared out her office window into the darkness. “We can’t turn back the clock,” Meredith said quietly. “The best thing we can do for Beth now is to be there for each other. That’s what she would want. That what she would have done.”

“Don’t you dare say that again,” Janika screamed.

“I better check on them,” Andrew sighed. “Call me the minute you hear anything.”

“You know I will,” Meredith told him as he ran back down the trail. The confrontation had escalated by the time he rounded the corner and came into view. Janika lay stunned on the ground, her hands curled protectively over her head. Jared stood a few feet away with a satisfied grin on his face.

“What’s going on here?” Andrew asked Jared sternly.

“She kept saying Beth was going to meet us back at campus. She wouldn’t shut up about seeing Beth again. It’s stupid to hope for something that you know isn’t going to happened,” Jared yelled. “I tried to tell her that Beth isn’t coming back but she wouldn’t listen so I shut her up. We don’t need to be holding on to false hope. We should be accepting the inevitable and moving on.”

Andrew knelt down beside Janika and gently laid a hand on her shoulder. “Are you hurt?” he asked.

“Not physically. This jerk was too busy lying to me to really do any damage.” she paused. “Beth is coming back. She has to.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Andrew said quietly. “But I’m praying that she will. Are you alright to keep hiking? Sitting here isn’t going to do anyone any good.”

“I guess so.”

“Just take it slow and let me know if you need to stop.” He turned to Jared, “Two weeks on kitchens, and you’re hiking up front with me.” Jared just glared at him. “Now! Unless you want to make it a month?" Grumbling, Jared followed Andrew back to the front of the line and they started off again.
*********************************************
“Hurry up,” Andrew called as they reached the clearing above the waterfall. “The sun’s almost up.”

“Beth’s the only person I know who chooses to get up to watch the sun rise,” Melanie commented. “I’ve seen a few sunrises myself but I never understood her fascination.”

“It can be very inspiring to see the dawn of another day and knowing that you have a brand new day to live to the fullest,” Christina told them.

“She speaks. It’s a miracle!” Jared said sarcastically. “This calls for a party.”

“Shut up,” Marshall told him. “We’re not in the mood for you right now.

“There’s something special about the experiencing the start of a new day. It’s like witnessing a fresh new beginning,” Christina continued.

“That sounds like something Beth would say,” Janika whispered.

“It probably was,” Christina said quietly. “We’ve watched quite a few sunrises together.” They stood silently watching as the sun rose above the cliffs. As the dullness of pre-dawn gave way suddenly to a bright inviting morning, everybody’s thoughts were occupied with memories of the special times they’d shared with Beth.

Andrew and Cat stood silently off to one side, trying to give the kids a little time to themselves before they gathered the group together. Suddenly Andrew reached for his radio. “Hello.”

“Andrew?”

“Meredith. Have they found her?”

“They did. She...” Meredith couldn’t go on, but Andrew already knew what she was trying to tell him.

“Just say it, Mer. They’re only words. Not saying it won’t change the truth.”

“They found her a few minutes ago. She didn’t make it, Andrew. I’m so sorry.” Andrew grabbed for a tree to steady himself. Even though he’d had been expecting the call, it still came as a shock. He’d lost two other students during his time at Arrow Ridge and this one hurt as much as the first. Almost more, since this was an accident that could have been prevented.

“I can’t believe she’s gone.”

“No!” Cat gasped as she sank to the ground. “Tell me you didn’t just say that,” she begged Andrew.

“I wish I hadn’t,” he replied as he pulled her into a hug, the radio forgotten as they clung to each other in their grief. After a few minutes, Cat sat back and regarded Andrew carefully.

“One of us has to tell the kids,” she reminded him, reluctant to even bring up the subject but knowing that the kids would realize something was wrong very quickly. They deserved to hear the news straight out.

“I’ll tell them,” Andrew said slowly, “just give me a minute.” He turned away from her and stared off into the forest.
Cat slipped her arm around his shoulders, silently supporting him in his anguish. He brushed her away and moved off into the trees.

With a quick prayer for his protection, Cat moved slowly towards the group, dreading what she was about to say but knowing that it was necessary. The kids looked up as Cat approached. Looking at each of her kids, she fought for some of the hardest words that she would ever have to say in her life. One glance at Cat, and Janika knew. Her face turned pale and she collapsed, sobbing. Marshall sank to the ground slowly, his face blank. He’d known for a while. Melanie reluctantly looked over at Cat, bowing her head for a second as she realised what Cat couldn’t say, then staring off into the sunrise. Christina stared at Cat, the fear evident on her face, yet unable to ask for the answer that none of them were ready to hear.

Kaida stood awkwardly at the edge of the group. She recognized the look on Cathleen’s face. Her teacher had had the same haunted look when he’d announced that one of their classmates had been killed in a car accident. She hadn’t really known the boy but she’d still felt horrible. She remembered standing in the back of the church during the funeral wishing that she could offer some comfort to his family but not knowing what to say. She felt the same way now. Even though she’d never met Beth, Kaida knew that she’d had been very close with the rest of the group. She couldn’t imagine how they must be feeling right now.

“Why’s everyone so shocked?” Jared asked in a falsely cheerful voice. “We all knew she wasn’t coming back.”

“Go jump off a cliff!” Kaida hissed. “They’ve got enough to deal with right now without you trying to be smart.”

“Whatever you say, O mighty newbie. Did you have a certain cliff in mind?”

“Just leave them alone,” Kaida urged. Jared shoved his way out of the group, kicking aside branches and rocks as he stormed away. Cat watched him go, wishing she had the strength to chase him down but knowing that she couldn’t. Instead she moved in front of Cristina and forced the girl to look at her. Cristina met her gaze reluctantly.

“I know this is the last thing you want to hear,” Cat said gently, “but you need to know that Beth is not coming back.”

“She’s in the dorm right now waiting for us,” Cristina insisted.

“No, she’s not. None of us are going to see her again this side of Heaven. I’m sorry, honey. I know you don’t want to believe me but it’s the truth.” Cat reached out to hug Cristina, who still didn’t seem to grasp the meaning of what had happened.

Cat looked around the circle of sombre faces. Christina on the ground beside Marshall with her arm around him. Kaida silently observing. Janika still huddled on the ground rocking. Melanie staring off into the sky. Jared crashing through the trees in the distance. Cat fought back tears as she tried to figure out how she could reach out to them.
‘What else am I supposed to do, God?’ Cat asked desperately. ‘How can I help them right now when I can’t even help myself.’

‘You’re not in this alone,’ He reminded her. ‘I am always with you.’

‘Lot of help that is right now,’ Cat thought bitterly, heading off towards the spot where she’d last seen Andrew. Hopefully between the two of them, they would be able to take care of the immediate concerns and at least gather the group back within sight of each other. They had a long road ahead of them, but if they could face it together, maybe they’d could make it through.

She found Andrew sitting on a log, tearing blades of grass into tiny pieces. Calling his name softly as he approached, Cat sat down beside him. He turned away from her. “How are you doing?” she asked.

“Just wonderful,” he said sarcastically. “What do you think.”

“We’re all hurting right now,” Cat told him. “If you shut us out where does that leave you? We all need to work together
if we’re going to get through this in one piece.”

“What’s the use of trying to work together? We’ve lost a vital piece of our group. How are we supposed to go on and pretend that she never existed.”

“I don’t think we’ll ever forget her, and I don’t think we should. I know it’s hard to think of the group without her, but right now all we have is each other. None of us can get through this alone.” She paused to let him process her words. “We’ve got a rough time ahead of us, but we can make it. Don’t think you have to be the strong one all the time. It’s OK if you need to cry. I won’t tell anyone.”
**************************************
Last edited by emmily on Sun Oct 31, 2010 4:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 117
Well, I just read the four chapters. Oh no, the dreaded inspirational fiction, argh, choke, zoink, hahaha. Themewise, this is probably the only thing which is further from my tastes than romance fiction, giggle, but I breathed rhythmically, drunk long gulps of coffee and prevailed:) Pretty good stuff actually.

So, about the writing itself. I can offer nothing about grammar, because I seem to suffer from an acute atrophy of the grammar glands, perhaps I'm missing them altogether. So here's some general stuff. By the way, my reviews are usually dry recounting of certain bits without much encouragement, let's just assume the encouragement is always there. It is, really.

***

Internal consistency: how did the cops know that they should take Kaida to Miss Mitchell? I thought she makes sure she has no ID. Did she confess to her true identity on her own free will?

Miss Mitchell and Kaida dialogue at the courthouse:
1. Break up with descriptions of place where they are, movements and facial expressions of those talking, etc.
2. Part of the info you are giving us through the dialogues better be presented as Kaida's thoughts, or by the narrator, while the verbal dialogue itself could in places be a simplified version which will be ok if the main info is carried by thoughts or narrator

At times the object of an act is missing: "As soon as their launch reached the dock, Miss Mitchell jumped out and tied it securely before beckoning for Kaida to follow her" The 'it' in question.

Thoughts don't have to be marked in any way, but if you insist you can just italize them

When you introduce new people, or make already introduced people perform new actions, like Miss Mitchell jumping out and tying stuff, throw at us either a quick description of an element of the person or the act, or how the protagonist sees it/thinks about it.

When one is introduced to new place to live, one is shown one's place to sleep, bathe, etc.When shown one's place to sleep, bathe, etc. - quick description

The protagonist sounds like she's already quite a veteran in the system of problem child care. At least one comparison with previous situations?

When hiking through woods - quick description of trees or ground underfoot or the air or something

By the way, do they give her new clothes, or does she go hiking in her old ones? Are suited for that? Do they smell? Was she given time to take a shower?

Bits like this need some clarification: "She’d never been much of an athlete and except for their stop for burgers on the drive to Arrow Ridge, she hadn’t had much to eat for several weeks" Insert sentence or two describing what and how she did eat. Otherwise the reader imagines a skeleton in need of glucose drips in a hospital, not someone to be taken hiking.

"The tents had gone up quickly and neatly, a testament to the group’s preparation. Clearly they had all done this many times before. Melanie hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d said everything was a reason to hike." The word at the end of the first sentence is, I think, "preparedness". And the third sentence doesn't make much sense. I understand what you mean - that the way they handled the tents shows that they really do hike a lot, but that's not how it sounds worded that way.

This bit here is a sudden change of point of view: "Leave him be,” Cathleen called after Andrew. “He needs to work this out on his own. He won’t go far in the dark. He’ll find his way back to the fire when he’s ready.” Her apparent confidence hid her unease over the way that some of her kids were handling the situation. Melanie still hadn’t acknowledged that there was even a possibility of anything but a happy ending, and Christina hadn’t said a word since the accident. Jared had never gotten along with Beth and yet he was the most visibly upset about her disappearance."
Abruptly the narrator stops speaking for Kaida and begins hovering inside everyone's heads like Tolstoy. I suggest that instead you present this as Kaida thinking and evaluating the situation and her attempts to read people's reactions.

Likewise here: "As Marshall headed out tentatively, Cathleen caught up to Andrew. “What on earth are you doing?” she asked. "He needed a distraction,” Andrew told her."
If Kaida is still the main protagonist - have her be a witness of such bits, otherwise its suddenly again a scene-jumping ghostly narrator. If other people are growing into other protagonists, than better to introduce them first with a few of their thoughts and stuff, maybe in a separate part of a chapter. Likewise with the other kids interacting without Kaida being around them. You have to decide for yourself what the situation with points of views is (through whose eyes; how many eyes; divided into different chapters or mixed together...)and stick to that. Not that I'm any good at that, but I know that that's one of the goals:)

Most characters seem to be cloned from one source, but Jared the jerk is excellent. I was already fantasizing of smacking him and making him apologize to Janika - and this means I have been sucked into the narrative.

"He’d lost two other students during his time at Arrow Ridge and this one hurt as much as the first. " I think the first part of the sentence sounds like 'two students apart from Beth', so perhaps reword it into something like 'this was the second...'

There's something missing between these sentences: "Cat reached out to hug Cristina, who still didn’t seem to grasp the meaning of what had happened. Cat looked around the circle of sombre faces. Christina on the ground beside Marshall with her arm around him". I mean of course the changes in Cat's and Christina's positions in the physical world.


***

Now, I keep pointing out the need for at least some descriptions and for breaking up long conversations by inserting other stuff. Some authors, like Terry Pratchett for example, describe almost nothing, ever, but they get away with it by inserting lots of the aforementioned 'other stuff', which is mainly humor. Since your story is not a comic one, I suggest you do work on inserting the bare minimum of descriptions.
Best thing to do is open on your pc some book (tons of free stuff on the web like here: http://www.feedbooks.com/ and here http://manybooks.net/categories/THR) and dissect a few chapters by copy/pasting descriptions into a separate file. This will quickly make it clear how this stuff works in a professional's hands, and if you are like me, plunge you into despair, haha, kidding.
she got a dazed impression of a whirling chaos in which steel flashed and hacked, arms tossed, snarling faces appeared and vanished, and straining bodies collided, rebounded, locked and mingled in a devil's dance of madness.
Robert Howard




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3689
Reviews 19
I'm glad you notice things like shifts in point of view. I do purposely switch points of view when I move into a new section of a chapter but within a specific section it's supposed to stay with one narrator. I just don't alway notice when I switch. I've always had a hard time being able to smoothly fit in bits of description. Usually if I try, it either sounds very off topic or goes on for far too long. Thanks for pointing out specific places where I could add a bit of description. These are really helpful comments. I do realize that most of my characters haven't developed very far at this point but there are plenty more chapters to go. Hopefully each of the main characters will end up showing themselves to be distinct. I'm really glad you're upset with Jared. I don't usually write this type of personality so I wasn't sure how he was going to come across. I guess I must be doing something right.

If you're interested in reading any more of the story, either to review it or just to find out what happens I just posted the full novel in the Advanced Critique section at topic71137. There are 35 chapters in total and I'm really hoping to find a few more people who would like to read the full thing so that I can get comments on character development and continuity type issues that someone wouldn't notice just from reading a few chapters. As for not liking inspirational fiction, this isn't the stereotypical story. I tried to make this book more like real life where not all problems get fixed within the timeframe of the story. This won't have a simple happy ending. Anyway...thanks again for reading.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 12208
Reviews 463
Hey,
I think this was my favorite chapter as of yet. I'm getting to know the characters as they are. Other than Kiada and Jared the others seem to be made of the same fabric if you know what I mean.


Kaida told herself to go back to sleep. That she had nothing to worry about.
I would put a comma where this period is.

Kaida stepped on a dry twig and the loud snap echoed through the silent pre-dawn woods.
You missed this a few times, but you get it others. A comma needs to go before the and because there are two independant clauses on both sides of the conjunction.

Kaida swore and moved faster trying to reach the shelter of her tent before the source of the noise was discovered.
You normally put a comma here too, but you didn't sometimes. There needs to be a comma before trying.

“It’s NOT a funeral! She’s still alive. They just haven’t been able to find her yet. We’re going to be remembering all of her favourite times with this group and praying for the rescue teams to find her. She’ll probably be back on campus before we are.”
“What if she’s not?”
“Beth is still alive,” Cat repeated. “I’d appreciate if you’d keep the negative comments to yourself. You may not care that she’s missing, but the rest of us are really worried. We have enough to deal with without someone spreading negative thoughts.”
“But what if they don’t find her?” Kaida asked again. “Shouldn’t you be preparing everyone for the possibility?”
“We’ll deal with that news if it comes. Right now the kids need all the hope we can give them. Some of them have been to far too many funerals already.”
“What about you?” Kaida questioned. “Do you still have hope?”
“I know they’ll find her.” Cat glanced across the clearing, noticing that the deepest of the darkness was starting to disperse.
Everything Cat is saying here sounds like one of the kids. If she's a counselor, shouldn't she be kind to the new kid?

“Take the lead,” Cat told him. Andrew hesitated for a moment, worried that she wouldn’t meet his gaze.
That doesn't sound right since he's worried because she won't meet his eye. I replace that with when.

“Not if you want to get there today,” she told him.
Marshal said something around the same lines, and someone else. I think. You're making them the same and it's confusing me.

“We don’t know what’s going to happen. All we can do is pray that God will help her and help us.”
If you got rid of the second help, I think the dialouge here would sound more natural. I want to say, you have done a great job with dialouge since the second chapter.

The kids were within hearing distance. He had to be strong for them.
You've done a good job with the counselors in this chapter. You can see what's going on in their head to some point.

“I don’t think that’s the best thing for your group right now Andrew.”
You need a comma before Andrew.

Andrew focussing all of his attention on the trail ahead of him to keep from thinking
Get rid of one of the s's in focusing.

“Don’t you dare say that again,” Janika screamed.
I think she said something like this to Andrew just a while ago. It's a bit repetative, even if it's not close together.

He’d lost two other students during his time at Arrow Ridge and this one hurt as much as the first.
I would put first two instead, since you're talking about two students at first.

With a quick prayer for his protection
If his means God's, it needs to be capitalized.

Instead she moved in front of Cristina and forced the girl to look at her. Cristina met her gaze reluctantly.
You change the spelling of Christina here. Stick to one for consistancy.

Cat reached out to hug Cristina, who still didn’t seem to grasp the meaning of what had happened.

Cat looked around the circle of sombre faces. Christina on the ground beside Marshall with her arm around him.
You skipped something here. Christina moved without you saying anything about it.

Don’t think you have to be the strong one all the time. It’s OK if you need to cry. I won’t tell anyone.”
Very good final line for this chapter.


Personally, I think the hike took way too long. A span of two chapters is a bit tiring, but seeing all the growth that taken place and the personalities that have been revealed, I have no suggestions of how to change that.
Your dialouge is good, but there's a massive amount, and it's not broken up by description or actions.
I'm sure there's more of an individual feeling later on for each of the children but right now most of them are fitting into a mold, and I'm not so sure about that.
Other than that, great job. I'll be reading the next chapter soon.
Megsug
Test



Stop being mean to your self-insert character, you're just being mean to yourself.
— WeepingWisteria