Light and Shadow - Chapter 4

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Whew! It's been so long since I last posted a chapter of this story. I hope you like this one. :D
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Chapter 4 – Clearer in the Light

There is always light somewhere in the darkness.

- Avicrus, the Lord of Light


There, Lord Avicrus still sat, high up in the heavens, in a room filled with undying white light. The light was too bright for the faces of the Lord and the Lady of Light to be seen, at least, in that place. The Oracle forever stood in front of them, holding the crystal ball up. It was luminescent like a star in the night sky.

“I knew sending Solluz will be worth it,” Lord Avicrus said to his wife.

“Of course,” she replied. Her voice was gentle like calm water.

After a moment, the red-haired boy came in from nowhere in the brightness. He calmly walked towards the front of the thrones, his footsteps echoing. He knelt before the Lord and the Lady of Light, and stood up after he was signalled to by Lord Avicrus. The Oracle seemed to have faded in the light.

“Solluz,” Lord Avicrus began. His voice repeated itself through the entire seemingly limitless room. “I’d like to congratulate you for a job well done.”

“Thank you, my lord,” replied Solluz politely.

“I like your bravery, little prince,” Lord Avicrus said.

He looked at the young boy’s fierce-looking face. The redness of both his hair and eyes was still visible through the radiance of the place. Solluz felt really honoured being praised by the Lord of Light himself.

I must be really awesome! he proudly thought to himself as he left the room.

There was never-ending light and the place seemed limitless. But, Solluz was able to find his way out without having any problems. Outside, there were multitudes of clouds and the little prince stood tall atop one of them. A gigantic white, glowing structure stood at where he came from. It was a castle. It was called the Palace of Light, and it was the highest place in the world of Neitheris. Majestic snow-filled mountains surrounded the place. There, winter was endless, and the falling snow made it difficult to see.

Still, Solluz made his way out of the desolate permafrost in only a matter of minutes. The mountains appeared like greyish white blurs behind him as he welcomed the shades of green and cerulean with a happy face. Like always, he rode on his lightning bolt, and with it, he drew white, fast-fading lines on the tranquil sky.

After a moment of idling, he saw Eluna in the distance, playing tag with her brother. Again, he was captivated by her loveliness and froze like a dragonfly up in the air. Her blonde shiny hair, her brown eyes, her rosy cheeks – Eluna looked like a young yellow chrysanthemum, like the ripest corn in the field. Solluz could not have gotten enough of just admiring her from the distance. He thought of coming closer…closer and closer until he was finally talking with her. But then, a flock of birds flew in his direction. Distracted, he lost the thought.

“Dang it,” he uttered as he quickly evaded them and returned to staring at Eluna.

Silence crept back, and the wind blew friendly across the open spaces. The yellow sun shone brightly as it bathed in blue. But, sunlight couldn’t have possibly gotten in the way as another observer laid his eyes upon the lovely girl, our little chrysanthemum. It was no other than her brother, Xombreil, the quiet sibling, the observant. His own pair of brown eyes, his blonde hair, and his oval-shaped face that he shared the same with his sister wasn’t as conspicuous as hers, but it was this difference that him look special when scrutinized.

Xombreil and Solluz seemed to have no dissimilarity in terms of watching the unaware Eluna but there actually was. Xombreil’s stare was with affection and care, and Solluz’ was merely infatuation. So far, it was…

But, time had always been passing and things had, of course, changed. Three years had already passed and, during those years, plans, decision, and actions had already been made. It was the 28th of Dexembrium in the year 1371 and it was the twin’s tenth birthday. It was also the day when one of those plans had come to fruition.

“Happy birthday to you two!” Mella greeted cheerfully with a big grin on her face, carrying a rounded cookies-n’-cream cake in front of her bosom as she walked towards the twins.

Eluna and Xombreil happily ran towards her.

“Thank you, Aunt Mella!” they said, smiling.

“Now, let me place the cake on the table,” Mella said after a short chuckle.

Cookies-n’-cream had always been the twins’ favourite and deep in their aunt’s mind, she seemed to know the reason why. They always had a cake of this flavour in every one of their birthdays.

The cake had always been small though. It had always been just enough for the three of them. They never had any visitors anyway. But then, an unexpected sound fell upon their ears.

Knock, knock, knock…

“Who could possibly be knocking today?” Mella whispered to herself. “I’m coming.”

Then, she stood up from her seat, patted her hands on her apron, and went to the main door. The used plates were left on the dining table.

“Who do you think it is, ‘Breil?” asked Eluna. “Do you think we have visitors?”

“I don’t know, sis…” Xombreil replied innocently as he narrowed his lips.

Mella had finally opened the door and was greeted by a red-haired stranger. The twins stood up from their seats and peered through the doorway of the dining room.

“Hello!” the woman greeted, confidently grinning.

Mella made a step backwards as she felt intimidated by the visitor.

“Oh, welcome,” she said timidly, her still young face forcing a smile. “I…I don’t actually recognize you from anyone in the village…”

“Me and my daughter just moved in,” the visitor said as she willingly moved to show her daughter who was hidden behind her.

The girl was also red-haired but looked friendly in contrast of her mother. They both wore odd-looking, baggy clothes of dark violet colour.

“I’m Treideria and this is Amistheia,” she continued. “We came from the North.”

“Um, come in,” the astonished Mella finally said as she stepped aside, gesturing in with her left hand.

The two visitors slowly came in and looked around. Treideria moved with such an intimidating poise.

“Oh! Before I forget…” she said at the sight of the twins, grabbing something from her left breast pocket. “I have a present for the twins.”

“A present!?” both Eluna and Xombreil excitedly shouted from the dining room’s doorway as they ran towards the Treideria. It was their first present that came from a person outside the family and it was obviously the reason why they got that excited.

The woman revealed her hand to the kids which held the present. There were two rings. She took them with her free hand and attached the two rings together. It formed the infamous Yin and Yang symbol.

“Look,” she eagerly said to the twins as she showed them the combined rings.

The twins’ eyes widened as they looked in both awe and appreciation.

“That’s too symbolic to be a gift for ten-year-olds,” Mella said, becoming suspicious.

“But, they like it,” Treideria mockingly protested as she separated the two rings and finally gave them to the twins.

“Thank you, madam,” they said happily in unison.

They quickly decided among themselves who would have the Yang ring and the Yin ring, and, as expected, Eluna chose the Yang ring while Xombreil chose the other. They tried to put them on but they were too huge for their small fingers.

“Aww,” the twins exclaimed out of disappointment.

“Don’t worry,” Treideria said, smiling. “They’ll fit you when you grow up. Keep them for now.”

“Okay,” the twins replied as they put their rings inside their trouser’s pockets.

Mella’s pale green eyes were very mistrustful as they laid their sight upon Treideria.

I will keep my eyes on you, she thought intensely.

But, behind them, Amistheia kept an innocent, friendly face amidst the conversations.

“Do you want to play?” Eluna asked Amistheia with enthusiasm.

At last, somebody talked to her.

“Sure,” answered Amistheia as her smile turned into a grin.

“Want to play at the Moon Pond?” continued Eluna. “You came from the North, right? You couldn’t have missed it.”

“Yes, the place is gorgeous!” said Amistheia in excitement.

“Me and my brother love the place,” Eluna finally said. “Let’s go!”

Then off they went to the Moon Pond – one of the most marvellous places in Neitheris. It was a very likely place to visit and admire, especially in the night. Eluna and Xombreil could not possibly forget the Starflowers, the wisps, the reflected moonlight, and all of the fun experiences they had at the Moon Pond.

That time, the wisps were of the beige colour, and the starflowers were lightless for it was still early in the afternoon. The grasses were gently swaying. Amistheia and the twins ran vigorously around the circular pond, along with the lively wind that pleasantly blew at the place, laughing like there would be no tomorrow. On the other hand, Mella and Treideria steadily stood a few meters away from the pond, watching the children, ignoring the breeze that blew their hair from behind their necks.

“How did you know about us?” Mella asked with her arms crossed, still looking at the children.

Her motherly face became firm, hinting the seriousness of her question.

“Why do you have to know the answer?” mocked Treideria as she moved her slim face up, lifting her chin.

“Because I care about the twins,” answered Mella in a sombre manner. “I won’t let anything bad happen to them!”

“But, you just did,” the red-haired stranger said.

Mella gave a quick, nervous breath as she looked at Treideria.

“Anytime soon…” the latter continued.

- - -


“Eunina,” called the Lord of Shadow.

His voice was as deep as ever, as deep as the darkness that enveloped the entire place.

“Yes, milord?” the young princess complied as she bowed down in front of the big black throne.

“I know you have always been impatient,” the dark lord continued. “The time has come once more…”

“Yes, master,” Eunina spoke.

Anticipation was hidden in her voice.
Last edited by Caerulean on Wed Dec 08, 2010 1:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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Hey, Whisper! I'm here!

So, generally, I don't have many nitpicks for this one. I'm sure you're delighted to hear that.
I'm finding this story somewhat a bit difficult to process, maybe it's just me and my foggy memory. I can't seem to recall what happened in the last chapter. I remember the lighting bold person, however. XD
Alright, on to the bigger picture. This chapter wasn't much. In order to catch attention I suggest you add more flashy scenes. I know there are those moments where you need to explain things but it seems like there could be much more action in this. Maybe you're setting something up, so I'll be patient. Right now you pace is on the slower side of things but don't do anything you're too uncomfortable with.
Your writing is still improving with every chapter. Your characters are being built and I'm waiting to see what the 'Lord' has in store for these two children. I wonder what he wants really, power? I can't help but feel that there is something deeper.
Anyway, sorry for the lame review. I'll make it up with the next chapter :)
Let me know when you post the next chapter!
Cheers,

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




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Hey there, Whisperer :)

I apologise for getting to this late... Being away from civilisation with no internet connection is hard... I'm here now though, so I'll hopefully be able to help you out with this!

Xombreil’s stare was with affection and care, and Solluz’ was merely infatuation.


Then, off they went to the Moon Pond – one of the most marvellous places in Neitheris.

You don't need the comma here :)

“Because I care about the twins,” answered Mella in a sombre manner. “I won’t let anything bad to happen to them!”


Mella gave a quick, nervous breathe as she looked at Treideria.



Overall

As a whole, this isn't my favourite chapter so far, but it was still a good read. I'm also glad to see you posting this again. I very much like your writing style, by the way. I've never mentioned that before, so I thought I would now. I personally think that a person's writing style is important because a good writing style often means a good flow and means that the story itself is comfortable to follow. As for this chapter itself, it was well written and you balanced descriptions and actions out well. Your grammar was actually very good, and I can certainly see it improving lots as every chapter gets written. The small errors I did find, I pointed out for you. The same goes for your spelling and vocabulary; it was very good.

My main issue with this, I think, is the fact that I find this chapter kind of disconnected to the previous one. It doesn't really feel that this chapter is the follow up form the last one, if that makes sense. I didn't see many connections in this with the third chapter. Now, it was a while ago since I read the third chapter, so it's natural for the details in my memory to be a weeny bit sketchy. From what I can remember though, there's nothing awfully similar between this chapter and the last one. I think Pink might have actually said this, come to think of it. Do you understand what I mean though? It's kind of hard to connect this chapter with the last one easily. Your characters connect, obviously, but except for that, there's nothing that seems to really make this chapter seem like a follow up with the last one. Sorry if I'm not making any sense...

I don't have anything else negative to say, really. There are little things I've noticed, but nothing worth worrying about. As well as this chapter, I noticed in previous chapters that you seem to use quite a lot of dialogue. There's nothing wrong with dialogue, especially if used well, but you need to make sure you don't go a bit overboard with it. Be careful that you're balancing the dialogue out with things like descriptions and actions. The only other minor thing I have to say is that the last part of this chapter seemed a little random, mainly because it was so short. I think that if you maybe expand it, or make something more of it, it would be fine. :)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Overall I think this chapter was OK. It's a little, confusing at times. The character names are so hard to remember and sound so a like sometimes i have to look back and see who is who. And I think you have to finish your character development soon, I feel like I don't really know the two twins yet, I know certian things like their young, Eluna is from the light and Breil is from the darkness, but I don't really know what they like, what their personalities are. You can totaly disagree with me, I'd understand that. I just keep waiting for the plot to thicken. Anyways it is good! You have a great idea and a great story thus far I just think it needs to become more clearer!
Write with your heart first
then with your head



Everything has a consequence and every consequence leads to death.
— kattee