I am going to be the bad guy on this one. I think it is rather simple. You being you do not have the ability yet to be simple. Word choice is key for simplicity.Try either changing the scheme of things our just simply try again. I get what you wanted to say, but personally I think you should go back and bring this alive, a little oxymoron to the title if you know what I mean?
The poem is really cool. I like how it's deceptivley discriptive and makes you feel like your the narrator floating about looking at the burning world having this epiphany.
May all your bacon BURN! ~Calcifer "Howl's Moving Castle"
You are completely right! It is too short, it can sum up your emotion, sure. As long as thats what you want to do, I mean to sum something up is to cut it short of its glory. Use imagery and symbolism to create a deeper poem, that can show your emotion yet not be so "shallow." I only had to read the poem once to get it, this may be only my opinion but I enjoy poetry that forces you to think and feel the emotion the poem is trying to enflict. You have a great start, its just not finished in my opinion. I love your style and can't wait to see come out, magnified! Don't be afraid to be intense and reveal your emotion dramatically in your poetry.
"You can't find another me, but I can find a million yous."
"My shadow followed when you walked away and ever since that day my life has never been the same"
I think that was when I began to realize that reputation isn't everything. I should focus less about how others perceive me and more about what makes me happy. Because, in the end, I have to live with myself. — Seraphina
