A Sly Snake

**SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT**
So this is a school prompt, and it's somewhat urgent, as I'm turning it in tomorrow. It has to be a story with animals, has to include aphorisms, and must end with a moral. I'm honestly not thrilled with this (AT ALL), and would really like to get some feedback. It's really different from I normally write, and I feel like I'm 8 again, and just starting. Thanks so much for reading. (And I'm sorry about the awful title)




The snake was the sliest of all the creatures living in the forest. He was notorious for stealing all the other animals’ food for pleasure, scattering the squirrels’ acorns and birds’ seeds before slithering away with all he could carry, snickering. The other animals had complained to him several times, and avoided him when possible. Whenever they did approach him about it and pleaded for him to stop, he acted offended and hurt, asking how they could believe he would behave like that. Once they turned their back though, he was at it again. It was making hibernation and preparing for the winter impossible. And so, the animals decided to meet up to deal with the issue presented before them, for it is said,

You may not complain,
unless effort is maintained.

The animals being made victims were adamant that the snake be banished. Because of his tricks, they would not have enough food for their families throughout the winter. The rabbits joined in with their paw raising, scared for their young, who had to be kept away from the snake so he wouldn’t eat them. But other animals were more sympathetic to the snake. The hawk was one bird who felt that the snake had just as much of a right to stay in the forest.
He’d spread his wings to quiet the forest critter chatter, and raised his beak. “The life of a predator is often misunderstood. We all must eat to survive, yes?” He looked down at the critters from his perch. “I think that the group of you could work these problems out amongst yourselves, without reducing yourself to solutions such as this. Surely you would not place yourself above the snake? As the saying goes

‘We are one and the same,
equal and whole,
and no animal may claim
superiority of soul.’”

But the other animals did not agree with the hawk; the snake did not take food for himself. He took it out of mischief, trouble-making and fun.
And so the debate continued on- some animals took the side of the small critters who were being victimized, others, such as the wise badger, said that perhaps exile was an extreme measure for the snake’s petty thefts. And yet others sided with the hawk, rebuking the critters for being oversensitive and weak. The critters, frustrated with their inability to bring sense to the other creatures, left and decided to do as the hawk had advised, and sort it out among themselves.
The critters of the forest decided to enlist the help of a nearby gopher, who was known for being quite reasonable. He agreed to help them, and their plan to rid themselves of the snake was set into motion. The gopher searched for the next day, the last day before winter, and around noon when the snake was out, found his home. He found a great deal of the food he’d taken from the critters among the many snakeskins. He gathered it all up and took it out before destroying the tunnels of his house. He came back to the critters with their stolen food, and retreated into the ground for the first snow. That night, they went into their homes with their foods and families, wondering what became of the snake. It wasn’t until the next morning when they all went to outside to find him that they saw his makeshift hole, already collapsing under the weight of the snow. He looked small and pathetic as he shivered. The critters looked on him sadly, and felt wrong in their actions. It was the rabbit who finally stepped forward towards the trembling creature, and placed a warm paw on his cold scales. She turned to the other creatures and claimed, “The snake will share my den, as it goes

Pity the fool,
alone in the woods,
and teach him to live,
to truly be good.”

Sounds really good so far. I can't tell at all that you a beginner at this type of writing. Just a few quick things:

"The snake was the sliest of all the creatures living in the forest." Is that how you spell sliest? Is it 'slyest'? I don't know.

That's it, really. I think that it was a really good story, and I like all the little sayings. Just something about them makes the story even better than it already is. Hope you get a good grade!

Hey Pers!

I swear I'm not stalking you. Just your writing, and only in the past 24 hours. Haha, just kidding. I saw your plea for reviews, and I am here to answer!
Ahem, I liked this. I know. Anticlimatic much? It's just that I really do like this. It reminded me of Aesop's Fables, The Tales of Beedle the Bard (to use my Harry Potter reference of the day), and The Book of Virtues (my personal favorite as a child). Although, it's probably exactly how you wanted it to be. The witty sayings of the animals made me giggle. I've always enjoyed anthropomorhic animals with their own code of ethics. It's just comical how they can enlighten us to our own set of bad behaviors that we otherwise might not notice in ourselves.
To make a short review longer, 'sliest' is right, despite looking so wrong. I thought it was wrong when I read it, but some research (Google!) showed me otherwise. I do think the title needs some more work. I don't think it does the story justice. I can't really help you on this one. Maybe you should look at the titles of some of the other moral stories (Babbitty Rabbitty and Her Cackling Stump!) just to get some ideas.
To me, the moral was more along the lines of "keep you friends close, your enemies closer/kill them with kindness/honey attracts more flies, etc" in combination with "cheaters never prosper". So really, you covered a whole gamut of morals in just those few paragraphs. Impressive!
Weeeell, that's all I could come up with, so I hope you get a good grade and good luck!

Happy Writing!
Bailey