Lighthouse Hopes *Edited*

First thing I've written for a couple of days- really short and snappy. Minute and a half kind of write. Thanks for reading!

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She’s a lighthouse,
waiting for him to come back to port,
searching the coast
with an elegant desperation,
a cliche kind of yearning,
knowing in her heart
that he’ll be back as soon as he can,
and knowing in her head
that she’s terribly wrong.

Should I expand on this? Anything I should change/keep for good? Thanks again. c:

Hey Persephoneia!

Perhaps you should take out the "of way" from the fifth line. I think it would sound better without it. I also think that maybe you can delve deeper into how/what she knows in her heart and in her head. Why is she wrong? etc. Although those things aside, I think it's a nice poem for something you wrote in a minute and a half.

Happy Writing!
Bailey

Heya, Seph.

I think this poem is just the perfect length. If anything, a bit of trimming is in order, in these lines in particular:

with an elegant desperation
a cliche kind of way of yearning

The latter line could be do with the nixing of either "kind of" or "way of", but I like the internal rhyme of "way of" personally, though "kind of" feels a bit more concrete.

I think that you need to be a bit more consistent in your punctuation as well. Right now, the two commas you have feel out of place as there are no other commas present. I suggest taking them out entirely. It flows much better visually and idea-wise.

Hello! This was wonderul. It so sweet and simple. It has a nice amount of emotion that shows through with the word choice. It is the perfect lenght. I would not change a thing there. I love the metaphor at the beginning, of her being a lighthouse. It makes the reader want to well...read! Excellent job! Keep writing.
~Ballerina