STanding in my shadow

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There he was. A living dream, a breathing fantasy, a beautiful memory, now standing right in front of me.

At the pier

Here I am. A regular girl, regular height, regular weight, had regular friends, was expected to be ordinary, nothing really to me. I had a mouth, I spoke. I had ears I listened. That’s the only thing anybody ever thought I was capable of, until I proved them wrong.
It was that summer.
The sky glistened like flames.
The clouds crowded the sun.
Everything was hot, humid, sticky.
My lungs felt like they might collapse into my chest with each puff of air.
But this was home.
And despite all the discomfort it felt good to be home.

I didn’t believe in love.
There was no use.
Love was love, hate was hate.
You had one or the other.
I chose hate.
I always had.
And at that point I believed I always would.

My hair felt damp, even though I knew It was only the weather.
It hung from my head like filth.
All tangley and stringy.
And my eyes reflected cool crisp colors of the gray blue sky.
There was a smell of rain that lingered in the air.
I was ready for it.
I had always loved the rain.
The way it pounded tin roofs, gave water to the thirsty plants, the way it spoke.
The way it spoke to me.
Rain always meant a second chance.
It would clean the slate so you could start fresh, new.
It spoke of hope, it spoke of joy, it spoke of a new beginning.
That was all I needed.
All I wanted was a new beginning.
So I waited for the rain.

There’s a boy.
He has sea green eyes.
Rose cheeks, like the sun at dawn.
His smile almost knocks me to my knees.
He just glanced at me.
And that stare.
That one stare.
Made my heart thump uncontrolably.
That one stare.
Made my tongue knot up in the back of my throat.
That one stare.
Made me see stars.

It was hard not to.
I had never done this, not for a boy, not for anyone.
But, I couldn’t stop myself.
I wanted this.
I wanted him to notice me.
I had to be next to him.
I had to bask in his sweet scent.
I had to drown in his soft eyes.
I had to be his.
He had to be mine.
He was standing behind the pier.
His eyes matching the waves.
His hair swaying back and forth with the gentle breeze.
Just feet away.
Then he moved.
Not just moved, but moved towards me.

I was in the line at the Ferris wheel.
It was almost my turn to get on.
If he wanted me, he had to hurry.
Then my heart sunk down to my stomach.
What if it wasn’t me?
What if he was looking at something else.
Someone else.
He was getting closer.
He wasn’t walking, more like

strolling.
But his eyes, if I wasn’t mistaken, constantly stayed on me.
Studying me?
I wonder what he saw.
I wonder if he knew that right then and there, before I even knew his name…
That I loved him.




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This is an interesting format. It seems more like poetry, almost. It certainly does hold the reader's attention because it's so different. I don't know if you mean to write the whole novel like this, though. That could get difficult. Breaking up your words like that is a good way to dramatize your prologue, but it might frustrate the reader after a long while.

I have a lot of questions. Why would she completely melt for a boy she doesn't even know? Why does he start walking over to her? Can he read her mind or something? Also, the setting wasn't entirely clear. All I got otu of it was that there was a pier and a Ferris wheel.

You did a great job capturing this girl's feelings at that one particular moment. The details were very vivid. I also got to know quite a bit about her. She always chooses to hate peple? You could make that pretty interesting.

Good job with this, keep writing.




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THANK YOU FOR READING IT OMG!:D wow, ok well its one of those coincidental moments with her, the boy walks over. this between them is ment to be. I have so much more, i will post more tonight. but, i have decided to write the whole story in poetic format, i find that easier and simpler for me to read so i decided to write a book like that. She chooses to hate people because no one has ever shown her love. (:



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