Me: Not for the Easily Bored

This is extremely personal: I gave myself a challenge to write an autobiographical type of thing. This is what came of it. Raw, and I'm going to do a rewrite, but some initial responses/thoughts would be nice. Thanks.




I’m human, I’m insecure, I’m a girl who knows nothing of the world, but wants to, dearly, sincerely, like nothing else I've ever felt. I’m different, but the same in so many different ways- just like everyone else. I have my likes and my dislikes, and pretend to share them wholly, while holding back so much at the same time. I’m reserved, much too nervous to let other people get to know me, at least when we’re face to face. I’m shy, and quiet, but can be as loud as can be. I love those who will hold on to me, through all my quirks.
I’m the typical teenager who has gone through more than they’d like to admit, but has managed to stay clean throughout the process. I’ve helped friends with homelessness, with suicidal tendencies, with drugs, with addictions of every sort. I’ve taken razor blades from friends’ houses, yelled at them for their good, and hugged them when it hurt the most. I’ve had blood on my hands that wasn’t my own, have had injuries enough of my own, and have persevered to become the person I am today. I do not know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But I am who I am.
I spend too much time on the computer, and skip out on my homework to read, innocently pleading to my teachers that I forgot the next day.

I feel that I must educate myself.

Ignorance disgusts me, and I’m afraid (probably a little too often)that I’m just a hypocrite, and the dumbest of us all. I love to learn,
but the learning is what gets me- I can’t memorize to save my life, and will resent you if you try to make me.
I spend too much time trying to define myself to others, and forget to simply be, and to live, and to share happiness with others. I have my quirks, and I definitely have my faults, but I have some good things too.
I’m kind of a whore when it comes to laughing. I smile too much, laugh too easily, and hate the gap that’s in between my teeth. I love to make other people laugh, but always end up doing it without meaning to. Whenever I try, it really falls flat.
I was the girl in middle school who was always crying in class, who had to rush to the bathroom for toilet paper tissues, because I had so much going on at home, and didn’t dare cry there. Too many questions that couldn’t be answered, or that were too painful to be asked. My friends learned quickly to hug and comfort, and the leave their questions at that heavy metal door. And even if I don’t talk to them anymore, I think that in some ways I owe them my sanity.
I had a head injury, and depression followed swiftly, as did emotional destruction. I gained twenty pounds, and couldn’t leave my house for about eight months due to medical problems. It really fucked me up, in a whole lot of different ways. I've relapsed and I've regretted, but it helped me grow. I can only be grateful.

I’m someone who always thinks they’re done growing up, only to be proven wrong in the next hour. I think we all had that experience in sixth grade, when we felt old and wise, only to head into junior high that next year.
I’ve learned not to take things for granted; I’ve had an absent father, a hurting mother, and a world of pain of my own. I’ve lost the ability to think, to function, to walk in a line without falling and bursting into pain-induced tears. I’ve cried enough for three people, and have learned to keep cucumbers in the house for sore eyes- not my own anymore.
I’ve tried to raise my little brother when I saw him on the weekends, but was unable to keep him from his parents. I only wish I could have done better, cause I know he deserves it. I have two ex-step parents, and hated them both.
I've dealt with manipulations, ultimatums deciding my life, and inward pain. We all have. I think we forget that, but I try to remember as often as I can.
Today, I love what I love, miss what I’m unable to do, and laugh as often as I can. I love to be around people, but don’t mind days off to stay at home and write. Homework is the biggest deal in my life, the biggest one I allow myself to deal with anyways. I’m doing better- I’m away from it all, all the pain that used to plague me. We escaped from our family and our friends, started brand new in a place that’s halfway around the world. And I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

Hello...

Before i would comment, I would say that was indeed a mouthful, especcially the experience you got. That's greatly sad and dissapointing particularly the events that had been witnessed and experience through your life. I hope a good cheers from me.

i apologized if I cannot do grammar because i'm bad at it.

Now let's begin

the first thing that struck me was the poetic essence of the story. the first paragraph seemed like a poem particularly the first person, "I". Furthermore, there is a correlated use of words through out the structure which was creative and gave a wonderful poetic mood to something that was bad. Let me give an example:

I’m the typical teenager who has gone through more than they’d like to admit, but has managed to stay clean throughout the process. I’ve helped friends with homelessness, with suicidal tendencies, with drugs, with addictions of every sort. I’ve taken razor blades from friends’ houses, yelled at them for their good, and hugged them when it hurt the most. I’ve had blood on my hands that wasn’t my own, have had injuries enough of my own, and have persevered to become the person I am today. I do not know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But I am who I am.

Despite the negative imagery brought through the words, the poetic structure seemed to create a positive outlook predicted by the last lines of this autobiography. In some way, there was a transformation of the negativity to something positive.
Secondly, the use of small and big paragrapsh. As i read the piece, something struck me on the way you use paragraphs:
the shortest or one-liners are personal thoughts to yourself

I feel that I must educate myself.

I’m shy, and quiet, but can be as loud as can be. I love those who will hold on to me, through all my quirks.

the medium-packed paragraphs shows the context of that had been experience combined with the use of personal thoughts.

I’ve tried to raise my little brother when I saw him on the weekends, but was unable to keep him from his parents. I only wish I could have done better, cause I know he deserves it. I have two ex-step parents, and hated them both.
I've dealt with manipulations, ultimatums deciding my life, and inward pain. We all have. I think we forget that, but I try to remember as often as I can.

the biggest paragaphs seemed like a drama between the context and the thoughts. Effectively, they appeared at the start and end of the piece indicating that there was a change from the negativity to positivity.

Now what struck me was the the big paragraphs are the first and the last. the medium paragraphs composed the majority while the one-liners stayed at the upper section of the piece. Thus, there was an indication that the the one-liners type is linked with the first paragraphs on the upper section, since a number of these one-liners are often thoughts to improve oneself.
This would suggest that there was a feeling on hopelessness but as the piece continued, these one-liners seemed to decreased in number. This indicated a possible change. Though the medium paragraphs contained more negative imagery, there is no one-liner supporting to improve yourself. Instead the medium paragraphs was a mixed of positive and negative. The dissapearance of the one-liners indicate that there were coping strategies that you used in these deprresive times.
Let me give an example:

I’m kind of a whore when it comes to laughing. I smile too much, laugh too easily, and hate the gap that’s in between my teeth. I love to make other people laugh, but always end up doing it without meaning to. Whenever I try, it really falls flat.

This paragraph along with the preceding paragraph was between two negative events or thoughts. This showed that you were able to cope and that good. This postive effect was a good correlation to the final paragraphs indicating that there was a shift from negative emotion to positive emotions.

Now, the problems. i would suggest that you may give something specific. The structure itself gave a sense that you are leaving a troubled past and you indicated what these troubles are. Now try to give an example. They do not need to be in detail but be creative in example. Not just say that, " one time..." but try to give some creativity by saying, " i think of myself like a girl in a story who had experienced something bad. One time this girl..." and maybe at the end, you can say that you are connected to this character.

Above all, this piece was structured well though a little help with the context would increase its potential.

PS
hope my review was helpful (m reviews often sound like some analysis or an essay) and hope for the best

It's very good, deep and personal too. I didn't see anything wrong with grammar, but hat's just me. My friend writes that way and he's one of the best writers in my school. Try to add the depth and thought you put into this into other, future works and you'll be great!

Are you sure you aren't me? Because this read a lot like my life so far, at least in some places. I guess that just goes to show that we aren't that different as we assume after all. I think you were very brave for writing this all down and then posting it. Do you feel relieved in some way? I think I would. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that and the fact that as I read it I fell into a rythym where it rhymed in my head like the steady thump of a washing machine (I know, weird imagery right?). It was very flowy. I don't know if you meant it that way, but I noticed. Sometimes when I'm writing I do the same thing, and when I go back to proof it I notice what I did and I'm like "Neat, hope nobody else notices cuz I'm not rewriting the whole thing." Haha thanks for the thoughtful read. I wasn't bored at all. It's always interesting to find out that someone else can feel the same way as you do.

Happy Writing!
Bailey

I'll be honest. I don't have any critique to give on this. It was beautiful. I've been through different things than you have, but they all lead to a pain that hurts the same way. My mother died when I was 11 and that wasn't the worst experience I've ever been through. Afterwards was when the emotions all began to drown me was the worst part. I had to watch my father sink lower into a depression for the first 6 months until he met my stepmother. My brother became different too. Me? I went into a depression and had to start therapy and a psychiatrist. I'm now on several different anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. But that's enough about me. I admire you very much for putting this out. Not many people could or would do this. You're an inspiration for me.
On your writing: the flow was good and it kept me reading. No big grammatical errors stood out and I think that you've got amazing potential!
Again, thank you for posting this. Truly, this is beautiful writing and I hope that you are sucessful in the future!
Luxy