Fish

The whole fish thing, is an analogy. I'll let you work it out, feel free to rip it to shreds I know my spelling is shocking

If you were a fish, I would forgive you for forgetting
If you were a fish, I would let you swim away
If you were a fish, I would feed you everyday
If you were a fish, I would let you pick your colour
If you were a fish, I would let you pick your sex
If you were a fish, I would forget your responsibilities
If you were a fish, I would undestand your inabilities
If you were a fish, I would let you do whatever in your power
If you were a fish, however your not, I wouldn't let you leave

wowzer this is really great for a fifteen year old
i wonder why you don't replace fish with maybe a hermit crab? i think that would probably be more fitting.

and go look at your wall.

It commited suicide, honestly. It was just a depressed hermit crab, haha and I dont know how to change that... Im 16 linley. Im not talking to you

Oh really well your little box tells me your born in December and hermit crabs don't just die they get murdered by cruel A holes who neglect to feed them.

Also you totally just ruined everything. I was supposed to be anonymous, now I’ve lost all my mysteriousness people will no longer wonder what kind of name i have.

JMM wrote:If you were a fish, I would let you swim away
If you were a fish, however your not, I wouldn't let you leave

I feel like you contradicted yourself in these two lines. First you say, you would let the person swim away, then you say you would not let them go. Which is it?

I agree with Noelle that you should fix the contradiction. I also think that you should remove, "however you are not" since I think the reader can pretty much figure out that the person isn't really a fish since you say, "if". I would also take out an unnecessary distraction before an otherwise dramatic ending.

Okay people

if you where a fish, i would let you swim away
if you where a fish, however your not, i wouldn't let you leave

how does this not make sense? JMM says if you where a fish i would let you swim away however your not a fish so i won't let you go. thats not really a contadiction it's an alternative option which would occure if the said person was a fish which we can all argee is not the case as there was a well spotted 'if' you where a fish. by taking out 'however your not, would indeed make it a contadiction.

people,

Well you've had a lot of comments on the poem as a whole so I'll take it upon myself to nitpick! Aren't you just thrilled xD

JMM wrote:If you were a fish, I would forgive you for forgetting (for forgetting what? Another line is needed in between this one and the next in order to provide some form of explanation)
If you were a fish, I would let you swim away
If you were a fish, I would feed you everyday (contradiction with previous line)
If you were a fish, I would let you pick your colour
If you were a fish, I would let you pick your sex (this line and the previous one aren't really needed. They don't really add anything to the poem - if anything they take away.
If you were a fish, I would forget your responsibilities
If you were a fish, I would undestand your inabilities
If you were a fish, I would let you do whatever in your power
If you were a fish, however your'e not, I wouldn't let you leave

I think the last line would sound better simply as 'But you're not'. In my opinion it seems to make a lot more sense. Keep on typing though!