Her Heart Was His to Break

Cliche much? Yes I'm aware.

She let him be an escape
from all her pain and grief
his solicitous words
and soft whisperings
lulling her gently to sleep

He was always there for her
inspiring her trust
with every word
and gentle touch
he gave her reason to believe

She gave her heart to him
and to him alone indeed
putting all her hope
in his offered consolation
and clinging desperately

But then he left
with out a backward glance
moving on to better things
he told her
as he laughed

And now she is alone
lying broken on the floor
wondering what happened
that left her with the cursed wounds
now doubly as deep

This is very nice. I can definitely relate to the emotion in the poem. It seems very genuine and realistic. Great use of emotion.

Hi, This is Rain, so, I like this, Here are my nik-picks:

She let him be her escape,
from all the pain and grief.
Let his comforting words
and soft whisperings
lull her gently to sleep.

He was always there for her<< Here you need either a . or a ;
inspiring her trust << This word just doesnt fit right... Inspiring something is when someone does something and that makes you want to do something, you know what I mean? Switch that word and your good...
with every word
and gentle tough;
he gave her reason to believe.

She gave her heart to him,
and to him alone indeed,
putting all her hope
in his offered consolation,
and clinging desperately << Here I think you should change this to "desperately clinging to him." I just think it sounds better, but that is only my opinon...

But then he left,
with out a backward glance.
"moving on to better things" << You need quotations because the next line implys that he said this, and putting it in quotations lets us know that...
he told her
as he laughed << These two lines seem too short and mess up the flow of the poem, make them longer and your good.

And Now she is alone, Omitt And, you never start a sentance with and. and it is unneeded here.
lying broken on the floor,
wondering what happened
to leave her with these wounds
now doubly as deep << I don't get this last part, at all...

So, over all, it was a good poem, nice language and with a few little changes here and there the flow will work nice, but the subject that you wrote it on is so commonly wrote about, that to write a poem that will stand out is very hard. You should also add more imagery if you are really considering chaging things in this, I know once I write a poem and post it, I really don't make big changes so. Also, a lot of the things you discriped are kind off common ways to discrible that thoughts, mix it up a little and this poem can be great! I liked it, though, so ,you can just tell me to shove it if you want...

Hope this helps,

~Rain~

To be totally honest with you, I don't actually think that it needs much. It stands alone, and isn't that what we all want with a poem that comes straight from the heart?

it's certainly what I want, but then again, I guess I am a little strange.

It's emotional, and I can certainly relate to it. That is what you want, as a poet: for the reader to be able to relate to it.

I really like this, you've done a brilliant job.

- GhostlyImpressions.

Azula wrote:Cliche much? Yes I'm aware.

She let him be an escape
from all her pain and grief
his solicitous words
and soft whisperings
lulling her gently to sleep

He was always there for her
inspiring her trust
with every word
and gentle touch
he gave her reason to believe

She gave her heart to him
and to him alone indeed
putting all her hope
in his offered consolation
and clinging desperately

But then he left
with out a backward glance
moving on to better things
he told her
as he laughed

And now she is alone
lying broken on the floor
wondering what happened
that left her with the cursed wounds
now doubly as deep

I loved every part of this poem! Cliches are coming back! I think you have an amazing talent and you hould definately keep it up!

Cliche much? Yes I'm aware.

She let him be an escape
from all her pain and grief
his solicitous words
and soft whisperings
lulling her gently to sleep

He was always there for her
inspiring her trust
with every word
and gentle touch
he gave her reason to believe

She gave her heart to him
and to him alone indeed this 'indeed' was useless
putting all her hope
in his offered consolation
and clinging desperately

But then he left
with out a backward glance Besides the poem being so cliche it burns me to my core, you told me what happened, instead of showing me.
moving on to better things
he told her
as he laughed

And now she is alone
lying broken on the floor
wondering what happened
that left her with the cursed wounds
now doubly as deep this is just awkward... doubly is not a good word for poetry in general.


I underlined all the unoriginal lines.

If you are going to review this, please don't address the chlicheness of the story and/or the cliches present. I am well aware of this, and don't need you to remind me, telling me something I already know isn't going to help me improve.

Hello! I enjoyed this very much. The theme was sweet yet heartwrenching. The poem was full of imagery and emotion. The story is relateable for many people which I think, allows us to get intouch with the character. Your MC was drawn out wonderfully. Keep writing!
~Ballerina

This poem is brilliant! i disagree with the comment above about 'doubly' being not a good word to use in poetry, i think the last line is a great conclusion to this poem. It was incredible, keep writing!

That was really great but I couldn't really get "into" the poem. The meaning of it was very relatable but I think that with better vocabulary, it could be deeper and more heart-wrenching.