One Last Chance

Gender

Points 1109

Reviews 3

Mon Oct 11, 2010 3:51 am

brokestarvingwriter says... · Mon Oct 11, 2010 3:51 am

One last chance to let you know how I feel
One last chance to let it be real
One last chance to shoot a smile your way
One last chance to let you know it's okay
One last chance to tell you I love you
One last chance to not lose sight of you
One last chance before the final goodbye
One last chance to not let you die
One last chance to pull you back up
I had one last chance, but I gave that one last chance up

Last edited by brokestarvingwriter on Mon Oct 18, 2010 3:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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kaiden

Gender

Points 2378

Reviews 39

Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:02 am

kaiden says... · Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:02 am

I had one last chance, but I gave that one last chance up

that's really my only issue with this. Other than that. I completely relate to this poem. I feel like you could expand on it. It seems kind of bland by just saying "one last chance" over and over again.

You could have it be the start of every stanza and in that stanza you could explain it more. Like

One last chance to let it be real
(then say stuff by what you mean on what's "real")
(then say stuff by what you mean on what's "real")
(then say stuff by what you mean on what's "real")

One last chance to shoot a smile your way
(repeat same thing) x4 or however many lines.

Just my thoughts. Good writing though!

Any man can handle adversity, to test a man's character give him power - Abraham Lincoln

To be the greatest is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark. - ?

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