"EDITED" It kills me to know

Hi, I'm new here. This is the first poem I saw. I related to this so much, you really spoke to the reader and your audience and you should be proud of that! The only problem was is that you spelt lie wrong (you spelt it as lye). Thanks for the great poem and I'll keep my eye out for more of yours.

It kills me to know that there is nothing I can do
to this feeling I shall not subdue

My heart is in pain and sorrow
but the reason I don't know

Boredom is domintaing my life
but I am trying to take it in my stride

Although from outside you see me smile
Deep inside me I want to cry

Don't ask me why
Because to you I will just lyeIt should be lie

It's not hate I have for you
and this is not about you

Left alone I want to be
and understand my fragility

Hey there. I like your poem. It's a good one. You misspelled lie. Anyway, it's a good poem and keep writing to improve it.

Good luck and keep writing,

Alicia.

quite a nice poem, you used a good range of descriptive words
I do however think the flow of the poem could be improved,
overall a really nice piece to read!
Looking forward to reading more of your poems
Happy Writing!

People can really relate to this. Good Job. One of the first works I saw and here and happy that it was:)

I had some issues with the rhyme scheme. You have couplets, half of them rhymed, the other half didn't.

Iamnotperfect wrote:
Boredom is domintaing my life
but I am trying to take it in my stride

Doesn't rhyme, but it seems like there was an attempt to rhyme.

Iamnotperfect wrote:Although from outside you see me smile
Deep inside me I want to cry

Nice opposites, but no rhyme.

Iamnotperfect wrote:It's not hate I have for you
and this is not about you

I doubt that counts as one though. That's just repeating what you said.

Now if you weren't trying to rhyme, you have permission to hunt me down and tell me I'm wrong. I just thought that it was a bit wacky.

However, this does not mean that the poem wasn't good, because it was. I liked it, just the rhyme scheme got to me.

i really liked this poem. i can totally relate to it. i think the flow of the poem can be improved. putting more rhyming words may help but its your wish. you have described the emotions very nicely. keep up the good work.

Hi thanks everyone for the reviews, I tried to make some little improvements on the rhyming hopefully the emotion is still there =)