As I sit here

CaptianRandom wrote:As I sit here I think, I think of what’s going on, I think about what’s going to happen, I think about what’s already happened.

I sit here and I feel the breeze in my face, I smell the flowers around me, I see green all around me, I hear birds chirp and I taste passion

I think about what has happened, I felt pain, I smelt hatred, I’ve touched greed, I’ve seen evil, I’ve tasted revenge
Okay you shoud change I to I've

I think about what’s going to happen, I feel safe, I smell love, I’ve seen good, I taste forgiveness and I taste generosity.
Reword it, i don't make sense

As I sit here I think of all my rights and wrongs, I sit here and think of my wants and needs, I sit here and think.

CaptianRandom wrote:As I sit here I think, I think of what’s going on, I think about what’s going to happen, I think about what’s already happened. Okaaaayyy... I'm pretty sure that pems are supposed to be 4 lines per stanza, but thats an easy fix, dude.

I sit here and I feel the breeze in my face, I smell the flowers around me, I see green all around me, I hear birds chirp and I taste passion. I personally love that line, and wouldn't change anything about it.

I think about what has happened, I felt pain, I smelt hatred, I’ve touched greed, I’ve seen evil, I’ve tasted revenge. I'VE/ IHAVE this makes it sound more professional and less confusing.

I think about what’s going to happen, I feel safe, I smell love, I’ve seen good, I taste forgiveness and I taste generosity. NO i've on this one try, I WILL smell love... keep with the tense.

As I sit here I think of all my rights and wrongs, I sit here and think of my wants and needs, I sit here and think. This one flows perfectly with the poem, definetly a keeper!