Two Different Worlds *CHAPTER 3*

I saw the amazing world once again, and Emelia was laying on the grass, a big smile flashed on her face. I ran over to her and hugged her, she hugged me back and we both laughed in enjoyment. We danced around again, I was happy to see this world again forgeting all the confusing things in the real world. We both fell over and laughed happily, she asked me how my day was. Instantly my mind was turned to Willow and Brad, I told her about Brad.
"Well I saw Brad again today, Brad's my boyfriend".
"Oh really, what's he like?", she asked interested.
"Well he has gorgeous chocolate brown curls, and deep blue eyes.", I started to feel really guilty about what I did, I really did love him.
"Nawww that's cute, I hope one day I'll find someone like that", she said in a dreamy distant voice.
I knew that she would never find someone like that, because she's only a dream. I started to feel sorry for her, a girl that pretty shouldn't have to be alone.

We lay on the grass for a very long time, staring at the purple clouds. Yes I know, purple clouds? Hey it's my dream!
Suddenly the world went black again, my mum was shaking me.
"Soph there's someone on the phone for you", she sounded annoyed.
I grabbed the phone,
"Hello?", I said in a tired voice.
"Sophie, something's happened to Willow", it was Willow's mum and she was crying.
I suddenly was scared.
"What!?, what happened!?" I said nearly tearing.
"She was home alone, and she started cooking dinner, and she slipped and cut her self, she lost alot of blood and now shes unconscious in the hospital", she tryed to sound clear.
"What!?, I'm sorry I can't leave" I was instantly I wish I could though.
"It's okay, the doctor said she should be awake tomorrow", she sounded of releived.
"Okay good" I was relieved as well.

I couldn't sleep, as soon as it hit 8:00am I jumped out of bed and told mum I was going to the hospital.
I rushed through the hospital and found her room, thank-god she was awake.
"Willow!, what were you thinking?!", I hugged her thankful she's okay.
"I was in a terrible mood after what happened with you and I" she said like she was admiting a murder.
"So you were dizzy and slipped?" I was starting to become scared.
"No,... I did it on purpose"
"WHAT!?" I screamed at her, "WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID, I thought you cared about me?" I started to cry.
"You have Brad, why would you ever want me?" she started to tear up as well.
"I cant be around you if you do this!", I ran out the room.
"No wait!", I heard her cry out.
I ran straight of the hospital and went to the park. I wanted to fall asleep right now, maybe I could.

Alright, so I've read the first two chapters.
and I really was to tell you that you ned to put emotion i your writing. Your last part had some emotion, but then you lost it here!
I really want to know what your MC is feeling, especially with something like this.

Also, maybe you could put the dream part in italics, make it more obvious to the reader.

Write On
~WickedWonder

I was feeling a bit sick while writing this so I kind of gave up after a while, I hope to add more tomorrow or just when im feeling better, sorry that you didn't enjoy it all that much :\

Oh, it's not that I didn't enjoy it, It's just that you could have put in so much more, but, hey, I know that feeling. Feel better.

Okay, in this, add more thought, feeling, make it feel like the reader is actually your MC. Let them live in the world that your MC is in. Adding thoughts give your reader more connection to the MC, gives an explaination about why they may have reacted to something. For example, you could change:

Suddenly the world went black again, my mum was shaking me.
"Soph there's someone on the phone for you", she sounded annoyed.
I grabbed the phone,

to:
Suddenly, the world went black. A gentle shaking woke me. Annoyed, I respond, "What?"
"Soph, there's someone on the phone for you." It was my mum.
Who would possibly be calling me now? I reach out for the phone, my arm aching from sudden movement.
It may not be the best example, but it's all that I could manage at the moment.(:

Also, I caught many some run-on sentences, or you forgot commas. Just re-read carefully and check through. Other than that, good start. If I hurt your feelings, it was not my intention at all.(:
Keep writing!