Fate knows no personality

Although in your heart,
You may have the desire of perfection,
Do not give in,
For perfection's sister is not adventure nor love nor risk,
And life is nothing without an edge,
Fate knows no personality in the end,
So why should it matter,
Why should you care,
When in the end it does not matter,
When now the end is near...

Hey Twiggers,

The first thing I notice about this is that your punctuation is off. Ending each like with a comma does not make a poem grammatically correct. In fact, grammar in a poem is just as important as content. Our wonderful mod Kyllorac has written a very good article on why punctuation in poetry is important, which can be found here. I really suggest brushing up on your basic sentence structures and try rewriting this with proper punctuation.

As for the content, and this is a very common new poet issue, there is a lack of imagery that makes reading it feel a bit dull. Instead of telling us all about striving for perfection in a world where one cannot gain it, describe to me what that feels like. What are some of the things that your narrator has done in their struggles to reach an unattainable goal? Right now you've got the basic concept of what you want your poem to be about, but now I want you to try to bring the words to life.

I think with some editing and some really concrete imagery this poem could easily become something marvelous, and I hope that you take some time to really edit it.

If you are looking for any other articles on poetry that might be of use, I really suggest checking out the Poetry Tutorial section in the Knowledge Base, as it has some really fantastic articles.

I look forward to seeing you around the forums,

OverEasy

Thank you. This is the first poem I've written (accept those chessey kind you writ in grade school, but they don't count, do they?) And I must admit, this is DEFFINATLY not the best... at all. I don't know why exactly I wrote it... I just got bored. Please take the time to check out some of my other peices, like 'Rain' or 'Life's Course' I think you might like them, but I've still got the comma thing going on. Thanks again...