I didn't comment on the last chappy because I really couldn't see much of a difference. Didn't know what to comment on, although is was a great chapter, as usual.
As for this one; much better than the last which is saying much. The other one was already fantastic.
There's one thing that bothers me; why didn't Luke leave a note? I mean, at some point, aren't they going to wonder whether he's been kidnapped? Will Dianne notice right away that he took his papers and his pictures? It would be nice to see something like, "I need to move on, don't look for me, thanks for everything." Or something.
That being said, it was an awesome chapter. I really can't wait to read the next to find out what Liliah's reaction is going to be.
So, I've just spent two and a half hours straight on reading your novel and if you posted more I'd read more. This story is brilliant, your writing is brilliant, your ideas are brilliant. This is so original, so different but it's intriguing. I have a few points (good points) that you should recognize because honestly, your amazing!
Your characters- I find when people have two main characters and they are written in both their point of views the characters can blend together and become almost one person. Your characters are so distinct, so different and are strong characters. They don't blend at all. So bravo.
Your story line- Your story line is great, like honestly I believe you could get the published with a lot of work. It's like a mixture of V.C Andrews, but modernized. It doesn't have the creepiness that V.C Andrews has but almost the same concept of the brother sister thing going on.
I think if you did want to get this published you'd have to make it a lot longer, the chapters are going to be more detailed, were going to need a bit more about the characters (hobbies, memories, deeper feelings)
Your grammar is fine, I wouldn't fret too much about that, write your story first, get everything down and then go back and edit. I hate when people critise you on your grammer and spelling. (just my opinion)
Your fantastic, keep delievering good work and your bound to get noticed by someone big. I haven't seen writing this good on any forums.
