I Guess This is Good Bye

It really is true.
You’re gone from me forever.
You said maybe some other time-
But I know that line.
It’s been said to me time and time again.

So it is true.
Good bye is the end.
You leave me in this world to fend
For myself, on my own.
Leaving me with no one to hold.

So this is it.
No more sweet dreams and good nights.
No more kisses and play fights.
All promises broken including my heart.
Now all I wish to do is go and part
From this world's ways.

All I’ve lived was a lie.
I believed me when you said, “I love you.”
I know why you chose me.
You wanted to see if you could break me.
You did a good job.
You were the one to rob
Me of my heart, spirit, and mind.
Why did I have to be the one to find
That you were the one to leave
Someone in the middle of a crisis.
When someone’s world comes crashing down.
All I look forward to in the day is sleep
Because then I have peace.

I know that I should get up and move on.
I know that I should leave him behind me.
But I gave my heart to him.
Just to let him through it back.

My nights are filled with crying
My days are filled with lying.
Trying to seem like my happy normal self
But there’s no hiding the pain that I feel.
No hiding the heart ache.
There’s a hole where he left
And now I am going to have to show my best
When all I want to do is die
So I no longer feel the injustice done to me.
So I no longer feel the void in my heart where he left me.

This is the end of my sad, sad poem.
And in this, I say good bye
Good bye ____ Good bye.

Hey there, welcome to YWS! Okay, I would like to say something about this part.

All I’ve lived was a lie.
I believed me when you said, “I love you.”
I know why you chose me.
You wanted to see if you could break me.
You did a good job.
You were the one to rob
Me of my heart, spirit, and mind.
Why did I have to be the one to find
That you were the one to leave
Someone in the middle of a crisis.
When someone’s world comes crashing down.
All I look forward to in the day is sleep
Because then I have peace.

I think the me should be you. Anyway, I enjoyed reading it. Try to read your writing out loud to see what are the mistakes.

Good luck and keep writing,

Alicia.

Wow! I really liked this.

There is no real mistakes here or flaws. I really like the deep emotion of this poem.
It really speaks to me and lets me what the writer is trying to tell me.

All I look forward to in the day is sleep
Because then I have peace.

I don't think this fits in with the rest of the fourth stanza, but that is just me.

Keep on writing (: x

Oh I totally know what this feels like, it's not a nice feeling.

You've obviously felt this before because you describe it perfectly.

However, unless you're trying to go for a special metaphor or something (that's it's a "good" bye). I'm pretty sure Good bye is goodbye.

The emotion behind this poem was true, and I felt the hurt that you yourself was feeling. The poem itself was good, the format and flow of rhythm wasn't the best it could be, but because this had such sadness and depression, I guess it was hard to incorporate a nice poetic rhythm and such. But still, it doesn't extinguish the fact that it was a good poem, I enjoyed it, and I hope that you find solace in knowing that you'll get through the hurt, it feels awful now, but I truly hope that you'll feel better soon~

Hope you'll feel happier soon
-Ollie

Hey, Danielle! As requested, I am here. =) This is quite a long poem. I'm not a fan of long poetry, but I'll try my best. My comments will be in bold format (since my font colors aren't working right now, a lot of bugs )

DannielleLovesong wrote:It really is true.
You’re gone from me forever.
You said maybe some other time-
But I know that line.
It’s been said to me time and time again.This line sounded kinda awkward to me.

So it is true.
Good eliminate spacebye is the end.
You leave me in this world to fend Love this line. =)
For myself, on my own.
Leaving me with no one to hold.

So this is it.
No more sweet dreams and good nights.
No more kisses and play fights.
All promises broken including my heart.
Now all I wish to do is go and part
From this world's ways.

All I’ve lived was a lie.
I believed me myself? Nah, it's poetry! xDwhen you said, “I love you.”
I know why you chose me.
You wanted to see if you could break me.
You did a good job.
You were the one to rob The break in this line seems a bit awkward. You really don't have to break it up to emphasize the rhyme.
Me of my heart, spirit, and mind.
Why did I have to be the one to find
That you were the one to leave
Someone in the middle of a crisis.
When someone’s world comes crashing down.
All I look forward to in the day is sleep
Because then I have peace.

I know that I should get up and move on.
I know that I should leave him behind me.
But I gave my heart to him.
Just to let him through it back.

This stanza shifted too much! It kind of distracting really. You shifted from second person to third...were you aware? Is it your style? I'd like to know.

My nights are filled with crying
My days are filled with lying.
Trying to seem like my happy normal self
But there’s no hiding the pain that I feel.
No hiding the heart ache.
There’s a hole where he left
And now I am going to have to show my best
When all I want to do is die
So I no longer feel the injustice done to me.
So I no longer feel the void in my heart where he left me.

This is the end of my sad, sad poem.
And in this, I say good bye
Good bye ____ Good bye.

Ooooooh, the line is interesting. What fills that blank? Uh--Imma shut up about that now. This is a sad, sad, poem. Oh, Danielle, I hope this isn't what you're going through. Please tell me nooooo.

Okay, on with the poem. Quite good, but the shift was really distracting. I hope you just ended it with second person. I really hope you never shifted. Ohwell. It was a nice poem nevertheless. Keep writing! =))

Hi DannielleLovesong,

Have you listened to Taylor Swift or Demi Lovato recently?

I'm asking because this sounds exactly like the sugar-fattened nonsense with which their songs are stuffed, only... they at least have catchy music sometimes to back it up. This poem does not. Take a look at your opening stanza, for example:

DannielleLovesong wrote:It really is true.
You’re gone from me forever.
You said maybe some other time-
But I know that line.
It’s been said to me time and time again.

How many images can you point out here? How many instances of solid anchors that the reader can throw down and steady himself against a sea of words and blabber?

So it is true.
Good bye is the end.
You leave me in this world to fend
For myself, on my own.
Leaving me with no one to hold.

How about here?

All I’ve lived was a lie.
I believed me when you said, “I love you.”
I know why you chose me.
You wanted to see if you could break me.
You did a good job.
You were the one to rob
Me of my heart, spirit, and mind.
Why did I have to be the one to find
That you were the one to leave
Someone in the middle of a crisis.
When someone’s world comes crashing down.
All I look forward to in the day is sleep
Because then I have peace.

How about here?

I know that I should get up and move on.
I know that I should leave him behind me.
But I gave my heart to him.
Just to let him through it back.

My nights are filled with crying
My days are filled with lying.
Trying to seem like my happy normal self
But there’s no hiding the pain that I feel.
No hiding the heart ache.
There’s a hole where he left
And now I am going to have to show my best
When all I want to do is die
So I no longer feel the injustice done to me.
So I no longer feel the void in my heart where he left me.

This is the end of my sad, sad poem.
And in this, I say good bye
Good bye ____ Good bye.

How about here?

Poetry is more than the regurgitation of half-swallowed thoughts and murky emotions making a splash at the surface of the consciousness. It has to encompass more than that one plane of human existence. Somebody or something gave you five senses. I am assuming that you use them when observing and interacting with the world around you - be sure to do so when you try to convey these experiences with others. Imagery is key.

Wipe this poem clean and begin with some kind of image, any image.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

This is sad but really good, there are a few grammar and spelling mistakes but other than that it is golden. Keep on writing!