Spoiler
This is my entry for Elinor Brynn's superhero contest. It's pretty ridiculous and proves that I have an incredibly juvenile sense of humour, but at least I managed to finally finish it. (yay! 
) I'm gonna post the second part in a minute, sorry it's so long and any comments are massively appreciated. 
) I'm gonna post the second part in a minute, sorry it's so long and any comments are massively appreciated. Zerimona, Superhero and part time guardian of the town of Sullingham, glanced at her watch. Half two. Only thirty minutes till she begun her shift. She pulled the next file from the foot high stack on her desk and sighed inwardly. She was glad of the schedule, she really was. It wasn't so long since the Super Guild took power that she'd forgotten the chaos of before, when Supers were running into each other left right and centre. Rooftop collisions all over the place - nightmare. Still, one thing she didn't appreciate was the paperwork. The Guild leaders seemed to be of the opinion that since Supers had so much spare time inbetween their hour long shifts they could fill it up with pointless bureaucracy. Risk assessments! They were superheroes, for God's sake! They dealt in risk!
Perhaps there was a need for case reports what with every bored, unfulfilled youth coming up with increasingly ridiculous schemes for world domination, but did they really need to be so detailed? How was she meant to go with her gut when she knew that any move not detailed in the "Official Superheroes Handbook Version 2.0: Commemorative Edition" would require the dreaded justification for unauthorised action form?
Lilian checked her watch again. Two thirty four. "Screw it," she muttered and stood up, her chair scraping against the wooden floorboards of her office. She could get Leporine to fill out the rest of the paperwork. It wasn't like he was much use for anything else. "Lep!" she called, slinging her rucksack over her back and heading out of the door.
"Yeah?" A young, slightly pudgy man with floppy brown hair peered around the door.
"Grab your kit, we're getting changed."
"Already? Awesome!" Leporine picked up his bag and hurried to catch up with Lilian's long strides.
"Did you fix the radiator?" she asked, without much hope.
"Well..."
"I'll take that as a no."
"I tried! Honest!"
"I'm sure you did." They reached the dingy elevator and she pressed the down arrow. "By the way, I'm gonna need you to fill out some forms when we get back. Case reports, that sort of thing. Shouldn't be too difficult."
"Awww, do I have to?" Leporine's face fell. Zerimona tried to ignore the twinge of guilt in her stomach and put on her I Am Your Boss And You Would Do Well To Remember It Young Man face.
"Yes you have to. Case reports are an excellent way for a trainee Super to learn the basic guidelines of our job." The elevator doors opened and they both stepped inside.
"But, Zer..." Toby began and then fell silent.
"But what, Lep?" Zerimona asked. She knew what was coming; she had been the same when she first started.
"But when do we get to do the real superhero stuff? I thought when we finished Super Academy and went out into the real world we'd be stopping supervillains and stuff. But all it is is forms, forms, forms, the occasional petty theft and more forms." He looked at her with wide, youthful eyes.
"Be thankful paperwork is the worst think you've come up against, Leporine," Zerimona replied, placing a hand on her assistant's shoulder. The doors slid open.
"I guess," he said moodily. Zerimona suppressed a frown. Teenagers these days.
"See you in two minutes. Try not to get your foot caught in your suit leg. Remember, in a catastrophe you could have seconds to get suited up." Zerimona turned and headed into the ladies bathroom, shaking her head. He was a good lad. It was important to remember that. But while she'd been planning on taking on an assistant for a while she hadn't reckoned on him graduating last in his year at the Acadamy and being unable to even fix a radiator. And she didn't even want to think about his powers. She tugged her shirt over her head, slipped out of her skirt and stretched the skin tight lycra up her legs and over her arms. Twenty seconds - not half bad.
Hurriedly she stuffed her clothes into her rucksack, wedged it beneath a cracked sink and stepped out into the corridor, snapping her mask over her eyes. Three minutes later Toby emerged, his face pink and his mask skewed a little to the left. Zerimona swallowed her critical remark and looked at him apprasisingly. "You'll do."
Leporine grinned. "Let's rock and roll!"
"I beg you, please don't adopt that as your catchphrase if you want to be feared by criminals and taken seriously in Super circles," Zerimona said, her mouth twitching. Leporine laughed."Okay, Leporine, are you ready to fight some crime?"
"Ready and waiting, Zerimona!"
"Come on, let's do a rooftop patrol. It's five to four; Terbinus will be heading home," she said, tugging the door open briskly. Zeporine trailed after her, muttering to himself as they exited the building.
Zerimona scanned the town below her. Streets wound their way out from the town centre, leading to quiet suburbs. Thousands of people eating, sleeping, watching telly, knitting, all of them relaxing, safe in the knowledge that she was there to protect them. It was, without a doubt, the best feeling in the world.
They moved from building to building, Zerimona treading lightly over the tiles and Leporine wobbling behind her. And if a few passers-bye stopped to watch their progress, and a boy in a bicycle peddled furiously to keep up, cycling on the road in parallel to the path they wove, well, surely it was a good thing for the people of Sullingham to see a capable pair of Supers keeping a watchful eye on the streets. Mostly capable, Zerimona mentally corrected as Leporine flailed wildly and grabbed onto her arm for support. A group of teenage girls whooped as they ran past and Zerimona grinned and waved.
They took a left turn and headed down a side street that took them into a quieter neighbourhood. Here the streets were empty, gardens grew wild with tangled grass and plastic bags billowed across the pavement. Zerimona frowned and paused. If she strained her ears, she could hear the steady thudding of footsteps, coming closer and closer -
A sharp thud. She spun round and saw a hulking figure in black, rippling muscles standing out through the thin black material of his suit. The man grinned at her. "Hey darlin'," he drawled. Zerimona groaned inwardly. It would be on her shift that the dumbest sidekick out of a sea of many, many sidekicks with barely a dozen brain cells between them came out to play.
Leporine stiffened. Zerimona stayed relaxed, loose, finding the calm at the back of her mind, feeling the power pooling. She knew this guy. She could take him, easy. "Maximilian," she said. "Does your mother know you're out on your own?"
The man glared at her. "It's Max Muscles. 'Cause these babies, they speak for themselves." He poked his bulging forearm with a thick finger. "And you leave my mother out of this, and I'll leave your little boyfriend here."
Zerimona concentrated harder. The warmth grew, filling her mouth and nose with a metallic tang. "So, Max, what's the big plan? You decided being a sidekick wasn't enough for you? Wanted to run the show yourself?"
"Too right! I have plans, baby, and you are the first thing in my way," Max said. Zerimona raised an eyebrow. She gathered the heat, felt it grow to a burning sensation. "I been lookin' at this toy-boy of yours, and let's be honest here, he's not exactly brimming with talent. Hey, I thinks to myself, wouldn't it be good if Leporine here was running the four o' clock shift. I could do whatever I wanted! I mean, what's he gonna do, set rabbits on me?"
"I could!" Leporine burst out. Zerimona looked at him with surprise, and forced herself to concentrate. This could be the opening she needed. "I could if I wanted, and then what you'd be sorry! They're vicious creatures!"
Max burst out laughing. "Tell you what, kid, once Zerimona here's outta the way, you and me can fight it out one on one and we'll see who's better, me and my muscles or you and your bunny army."
Dun dun dun!.. I know. What was I thinking?? Anyway, thanks for reading and feel free to continue on the the next part, kind reader...
