Your Photograph

... Hope you guys like it... Please help me improve

Your Photograph
by: Kite

Looking into the camera's sight,
Aiming upon the target's smile,
A click, followed by that warming light,
An eternal memory within that single shot.

But upon all these memories,
None could compare to this,
This photograph, with your smile,
This photograph that i kept at heart.

I remember that day, that moment,
Surrounded by all, but I aimed only at you,
you posed, you smiled, I clicked,
This beauty concealed ceaselessly within my shot.

That moment lasted a lifetime,
My heart was beating to see you,
But alas, I never had the chance,
Your picture, my feelings, we're so ever true.

People, they all began to leave,
You too, left with that smile,
from my camera, I fell for you,
When one day, that our roads shall meet once more,
I hope to take yours again, eternally...

kite1992 wrote:This photographm that i kept at heart.

It's photograph. I'm guess that's just a typo though. It's really, really good other than that. Love the emotion.

kite1992 wrote:But upon all these memories,
Nonen could compare to this,
This photograph, with your smile,
This photographm that i kept at heart....

You have a couple typos but other than that I liked the poem so keep it up

This photographm that I kept at heart.

But alas, I never<-put space here->had the chance,

from my camera,<-put space here->I fell for you,

Something I need to mention is your vocabulary. You use a lot of words over again. Example: You use "smile" or "smiled" four times. You use "eternal" or "eternally" three times. There are other words you repeat a lot too. Look over this. Change it up a bit. Your poem will thank me.

loveness, ultraviolet <3

sorry for those minor errors, such as spacings and typos... I was knda typing it too fast without even checking. Haha

Thanks for the reviews...

2 thumbs up! i like it and happy birthday ron !!!

There's not much for me to review because most of the reviews part is pretty much covered. All of all, I want to say this is a good work. Try practice more to improve your writing. Keep on writing.


Good luck,

kikialicia31.