That Mountain

Okay milestone moment sorta. This is the first poem I've posted on YWS and my first post in quite awhile. So in other words I'm back. Let me know what you think.



As I climb up that mountain. That stands so tall. I feel so alone. I’m the weakest of all.
I am certainly the kind. That no one looks at. Who people like you pay no mind.
I soon reach a foot path at this height. Thinking hard I make my choice. Two paths, I choose the right.
When I reach the summit the light draws near. Though the journey was hard. The long narrow path has brought me here.
Basking in the glory of being my own guide. Like a person with a trophy. A great sense of pride.
All of the sudden I fall and curse the pain. Beaten and bruised along the broken way. Thinking only of losing everything I’ve gained.
When I land at the bottom I look back at the giant cliff. Left with no hope. I clench me hands hard till they go all stiff.
Almost leaving, I turn and see. Something that will help. Every one of my friends staring right at me.
It’s time like this I wonder. Why I just didn’t ask for help. So it’s this I sit and ponder.
They support me and lift me up really high. With help I will make it… To the mountain in the sky.

Hey there,

As I climb up that mountain. That stands so tall. I feel so alone. I’m the weakest of all.
I am certainly the kind. That no one looks at. Who people like you pay no mind.
I soon reach a foot path at this height. Thinking hard I make my choice. Two paths, I choose the right.
When I reach the summit the light draws near. Though the journey was hard. The long narrow path has brought me here.
Basking in the glory of being my own guide. Like a person with a trophy. A great sense of pride.
All of the sudden I fall and curse the pain. Beaten and bruised along the broken way. Thinking only of losing everything I’ve gained.
When I land at the bottom I look back at the giant cliff. Left with no hope. I clench me hands hard till they go all stiff.
Almost leaving, I turn and see. Something that will help. Every one of my friends staring right at me.
It’s time like this I wonder. Why I just didn’t ask for help. So it’s this I sit and ponder.
They support me and lift me up really high. With help I will make it… To the mountain in the sky.

I think it's much easier if you write it like this. It'll be easier to read it as a poem.

As I climb up that mountain.
That stands so tall.
I feel so alone.
I’m the weakest of all.
I am certainly the kind.
That no one looks at.
Who people like you pay no mind.
I soon reach a foot path at this height.
Thinking hard I make my choice.
Two paths, I choose the right.
When I reach the summit the light draws near.
Though the journey was hard.
The long narrow path has brought me here.
Basking in the glory of being my own guide.
Like a person with a trophy.
A great sense of pride.
All of the sudden I fall and curse the pain.
Beaten and bruised along the broken way.
Thinking only of losing everything I’ve gained.
When I land at the bottom I look back at the giant cliff.
Left with no hope.
I clench me hands hard till they go all stiff.
Almost leaving,
I turn and see.
Something that will help.
Every one of my friends staring right at me.
It’s time like this I wonder.
Why I just didn’t ask for help.
So it’s this I sit and ponder.
They support me and lift me up really high.
With help I will make it…
To the mountain in the sky.

Well ,since kiki just STOLE the biggest part I had to say here's my opinion:
-Kiki is right LISTEN TO HER!!
-Subsitute some of the periods for commas to help along the flow.
- Though the journey was hard,the long narrow path has brought me here. (EXAMPLE )
Make these simple corrections and this will be a really great poem!