As seasons go by...

Hey, everyone! This is my very first haiku poem so do what you wish with it! I'm not sure if I like it but that is why and I need!

As seasons go by...











Now I have checked it and they are all 5, 7, 5 syllables. I assure you all that they are all 5,7, 5 syllables; I have used various syllable calculators and all have calculated them correctly. If you are reading this and you don't know what a haiku poem is, read this:

Beautiful images, though some of the phrasing doesn't make sense- you start the poem using it as one long sentence, as I've seen in haiku often times before. But then, especially in the last two stanzas, the last lines don't really make sense, and kind of stand alone as separate images to help keep the tone.

Great wording, but I'd go through and make sure everything makes sense. Nice job!

-Coral-

RepublicOfCoter wrote:Whispering winds speak
With sweet tones of sorrow
Through Autumn leaves



Through all the long night
Winter moon blows with bright love
Sleet her silver tears



Weeping clouds up high
Bathe Spring flowers down below
Beauty their sadden tears



At dawn she rises up
Summer sun burns with passion
Warmth her golden smile

This haiku poem is really good - it is written with the natural flow of a haiku as if it were written in Japanese

I really love the images that the poem portrays about the seasons, the words and phrases used are very vivid so they create the image like a painting, which is remarkably brilliant, as I struggle creating haiku's of my own. They are written well, especially as they comments, not a flowing poem that normal people would expect.

To find something which I didn't like would have to be the order...This is only my own opinion, but wouldn't it be be better to start off with Spring, rather than with Autumn? That's creating the sense of life as well in your haiku - Life begins anew in Spring, ages and slowly dies in Summer, Autumn and Winter, only to be reborn again in Spring. That's my idea, but that's me being really pressed for ideas of something whichI don't like.

Overall, I love your haiku. Keep up the good work!

Fantasy

Now I have checked it and they are all 5, 7, 5 syllables.

Ok, so first I will say this, the syllables aren't all right...

Whispering winds speak
With sweet tones of sorrow 6
Through Autumn leaves 4



Through all the long night
Winter moon glows with bright love << The moon can't "blow" but it can "Glow"
Sleet her silver tears



Weeping clouds up high
Bathe Spring flowers down below
Beauty their sadden tears 6



At dawn she rises up 6
Summer sun burns with passion
Warmth her golden smile

Other then that this is a pritty good haiku...

~Rain~

Hi ROC,

For a first haiku, its amazingly wonderful! It is relevant to the title, and you have explained each season so beautifully. It's such a smooth and gentle poem, but with feeling. You've captured the seasons perfectly.

But, you may want to edit it. A haiku (as you said) is 5, 7, 5 syllables. The second line has 6 syllables, third line 4 syllables, ninth line has 6 syllables and the tenth has 6 syllables. Seems like the syllable counters didn't work too well...just count it the old-fashioned way with your fingers - it's probably more accurate!

Otherwise, it was a stunning piece! Well done for your first haiku! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

Hey ROC. First of, I have to say, I really don't like reviewing haiku's. Please don't ask me why, I just don't. But here is my attempt at it...

Seeing that the syllable thing has been pointed out, I will let that die in piece. (Or pieces. Your choice. I'm fine with either.) Other than that, I thought it was a good poem. I thought it was descriptive, it had good imagery, and I can see what you are trying to say. I thought that it would be good if you just made it flow on a bit better. I thought that between lines, (yes I know it is a haiku, but you can still do it) you could change it so that it is a bit easier to read on and let it flow. But other than that, I thought it was quite good.

Hey everyone! Thank you for your wonderful reviews! I do apologize but I did think that all my lines followed the 5,7,5 syllable rules. Unfortunately, as many of you have pointed out, some are not. Word of advice: NEVER USE ONLINE SYLLABLE COUNTERS! I have made the changes so now everything is fine! Hope you enjoy!

MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.