Rielly Soar~part 1.2

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When my mother woke up from fainting, she smiled at me and said, "The witchdoctor must be burned. Tell the village." So I did. Let me tell you, were the towns people happy. When the guards brought her out, she was not struggling, but smiling. They tossed her into a pit of hot coals and wooden boards, then the hot coals burnt the wood, and the whole contraption caught fire. With Nagijuanna in it. Then, just before the flames licked up the last of her life, she turned to me and spoke, "You are next, my Bluejay..." (I have the wings of a Bluejay.) "Next for this horrible fate." Then she cackeled, and what we knew of Nagijuanna singed to ashes.
"What did she mean by 'Bluejay'?" my best friend Wren asked when the fire had been doused and extingushed. "I... follow me." I replied and we rode our horses up to the cave where Nagijuanna performed her rituals. When we reached the cave, I saw the box where she had gotten my pill, and grabbed it. "So... What's this mean?" Wren askd. She tossed her blond hair out of her eyes. This is going to get epic, really soon. I spread my wings. Wren almost dropped dead. Haha. "I... Need some." she spluttered. I took a random pill from the box. "It hurts. Like, it kills." I explained. (If you're wondering why we talk normally when we're stuck in the 1700's, I'm at a lossfor info there. We just don't wate time saying 'Ye olde' or 'thine' or 'thou'. We've sort of evolved out of that aspect of the 1700's.) She looked longingly at me, those ice-blue eyes can lazer right through a girl. I placed the pill in her hand, an without hesitation, she popped it ino her mouth and swallowed.
Pa-pa-paastaa! Roma-tomay-tahh! Garlic, oo la la! I'm so delicious!
*Courtesy to Annoying Orange*




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Alright, so you should probably reread. You have grammatical errors, such as you don't put space in between words or start a new paragraph with speech.
Also, your main character seems a little flat. Pump her up with personality and flair.

and lastly
(If you're wondering why we talk normally when we're stuck in the 1700's, I'm at a lossfor info there. We just don't wate time saying 'Ye olde' or 'thine' or 'thou'. We've sort of evolved out of that aspect of the 1700's.)


Brackets. you use them a lot, I've noticed. You can explain that without the brackets

Write On
~WickedWonder
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




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Umm... I dont know exactly wat you mean by "pump up thier personality" like, how would i do that? Thanks. If you like this, you should read the books "The Angel Experamet: A Maximum Ride novel" and "Dragon's Keep" I sort of threw them and my own personal twist into a blender, and Wahla! Reilly Soar. I'll try to get part 2 out in a couple of days.
Pa-pa-paastaa! Roma-tomay-tahh! Garlic, oo la la! I'm so delicious!
*Courtesy to Annoying Orange*



Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS