This is Who I Am.

So... I have bipolar disorder. One day I didn't take my medicine and I had a seriously depressed episode. During that, I wrote this. I guess this is what was going through my head at the time. It's not revised or anything. It's just a true look at my brain during this whole thing. This is how I feel when I'm just my unaltered self.

You suck.
You all suck.
You make me cry.
You make me sad.
You make me sit in my room at night and sulk.
And while I’m sitting in my room at night and sulking,
You make me feel pathetic.

You make me want to lie
So that maybe I can improve who I am.
Maybe you’ll like me like that.
Maybe if I tell you things that aren’t true,
You’ll think I’m more interesting.

But no.
I’ve been hurt too many times.
I know that won’t work.
Even sitting here now,
Writing this poem,
I feel like a loser for letting my feelings show.

Does the world have to be like this?
No, it doesn’t.
But it is.
And so it will be.
I sit alone.
I have no one.
I have no one to talk to.
I have no one to love me.
I am alone.
I am surrounded by people,
But I am alone.
And so I write this poem.
I will tell you of myself for I have no one else to tell.

The teacher calls out.
She tells us about relationships.
She tells us about stress, about violence, about emotional abuse.
She tells the class that some children don’t have supportive parents; don’t have a supportive family.
She tells the class this.
But it feels like she’s talking only to me.
Dad is gone.
He’s always, always gone.
It didn’t used to be like this.
I used to remember his face clearly.
He gets home, and he goes again.
He’s in Africa.
He’s at the office.
He’s never here.

Mom is always busy.
She cooks.
She cleans.
She takes my brother places.
She tells me she loves me before she goes every time.
But sometimes I really wonder if she loves me as much as I love her.

I am so full of hate.
But I can’t bring myself to hate anyone.
I am so full of hate for the world.
I try not to direct it at anyone or anything,
But it always ends up falling on me.

I hate myself for being this person.
I hate myself for being me.
I don’t want to be like this.
But this is who I am.
This is just the way it is.
This is the way it’s going to be.
I’ll always be the one standing in the background.
I’ll always be the second choice-
Even to myself.

I don’t want to be like this.
But I am.

Okay, Duck. I'll be straight-to-the-point with this review and we'll get some polish on this, even if you don't want it.

Let me start off by saying that I spent most of my time in high school doing just what you describe in this poem: sulking, hating myself for sulking, and being generally caught up in an inability to breathe because of how tormented everything made me. That said, understand that this poem will make perfect sense to someone who understands. However, you may find that the effectiveness of the poem vanishes once a person who is apathetic reads. Either way, I liked it just because I could understand.

As a poem, honestly, it seems like something that would be written in a short-story as a journal entry or a dictated thought. But you said that it wasn't written to be fluffy, and that's perfectly fine.

As far as grammar, I can suggest that you watch your capitalization at the beginnings of lines that do not begin new sentences. It's unnecessary. Wipe that up and you're good to go!

-Lumiface

Hello,
I think pretty much everyone can relate to this. But then, not everybody writes it down. You did, and in poetry form too. The structure of it, I'd have to say it's a bit random. Although not completely. Oh well, that's not really the point is it?

I don’t want to be like this.
But I am.

I like the ending. Nice touch.

Alright, so this was a very short review. I can't think of anything to say other than what I already have.

Keep writing!
~Crazy

I really really like this.
Not only because I can relate but because of the way it is written.
I like the short lines, they sort of give a "edge" to it, like showing
how you were at the time of writing this.
I can't think of anything wrong with it, so it's fine the way it is.
(:

MikaFreak123 wrote:I really really like this.
Not only because I can relate but because of the way it is written.
I like the short lines, they short of give the a "edge" to it, like showing
how you were at the time of writing this.
I can't think of anything wrong with it, so it's fine the way it is.
(:

I agree with MikaFreak123. There's not much for me to review because most of the reviews part is pretty much covered. Anyway, I enjoyed reading it. Continue writing because practice makes prefect.

Keep writing,

Alicia.