10,000 Steps

My mother looked at her pedometer
and said,
"Ten thousand steps today!"
which is less than two miles
and more than one -
if a step is only a foot.

But a foot takes a step
that is more than a foot,
three feet,
maybe -
if a step is only a step.

If a step is a day instead,
ten thousand
is twenty-seven years,
and my mother is young and soft,
with long hair -
but for her,

twenty-seven is five thousand steps past,
and she cannot retrace her steps.

She only walks forward.

Hi BlueAfrica! Okay, honestly, this is confusing, but it's great once you sit down and think about it. I mean, the message is so unique and beautiful, and the whole, "if a step is only a ..." thing is bewildering. The reader gets confused between the mother's feet and "feet," as in the measurement. However, I appreciate your hard work going and calculating how many feet in a mile and whatnot.

So I think the real way for you to solve the problem is to find some measurement other than feet. Unless, of course, you meant for the poem to be a bit of a confusing tongue-twister.

Overall, great work! I hope this helps!

And indeed I did mean for it to be that way! What's a poem without some confusion? Haha, just kidding, but anyway, yeah, that was intentional. And actually I already knew how many feet were in a mile, 5,280, because that's just one of the many random things I just know, but I did have to calculate how many days to a certain number of years and vice versa. Glad you liked it!

~Blue

This is awesome! I don't agree with Abigail (nothing personal, of course)...the use of "feet" in the poem is perfect. There is no reason to change that; in fact, doing so would cause the poem to lose much of its allure. I wasn't confused by the poem at all, though, at least not in terms of the "feet" and numbers. The last three lines took me a minute to think about, but overall it is a very clear poem, at least on the surface. I don't really have any critique to make of it. I love it the way it is (sorry, I know you probably want to hear about all of the changes you should make, but I wouldn't change anything about it).

The part I like most about it is how you take a very mundane daily activity and smoothly--incredibly smoothly--transition that into a thought about aging, existence, and the inevitable processes of life, which hints at a lot of existential questions, emotions, and dilemmas (at least that's how I viewed it). All without being pretentious! I thought this was beautiful.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it...and yes, I find criticisms helpful (nice ones - mean ones make me cry like a little child, hahaha), but I'm just vain enough to appreciate it when people say, "I love this exactly the way it is!" Who isn't, right? And especially when I like it the way it is...

I was actually surprised that my mother saying that inspired me to write anything at all.... Go figure!

~Blue

IceCreamMan wrote:This is awesome! I don't agree with Abigail (nothing personal, of course)...the use of "feet" in the poem is perfect. There is no reason to change that; in fact, doing so would cause the poem to lose much of its allure. I wasn't confused by the poem at all, though, at least not in terms of the "feet" and numbers. The last three lines took me a minute to think about, but overall it is a very clear poem, at least on the surface. I don't really have any critique to make of it. I love it the way it is (sorry, I know you probably want to hear about all of the changes you should make, but I wouldn't change anything about it).

The part I like most about it is how you take a very mundane daily activity and smoothly--incredibly smoothly--transition that into a thought about aging, existence, and the inevitable processes of life, which hints at a lot of existential questions, emotions, and dilemmas (at least that's how I viewed it). All without being pretentious! I thought this was beautiful.

I agree with IceCreamMan. This is a really great poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I hope that you will continue writing more poems like this.

Keep writing,

Alicia.

I thought that this was truly beautiful. I am speechless.

Thanks! Maybe I should show this to my mom, it's a poem she might appreciate seeing as she inspired it and you all like it so much... ^_^

~Blue