All I'm Asking For

This is my first poem, and i didn't even planned to do this. so go crazy for it, or not xD


I’m not asking for a lot of attention
I’m not asking for your eternal devotion
All I’m asking is love
To love me for me

Is it that hard?
To accept me for me?
To love me?
To love me for me?

You might say that you do
But I can see through eyes
That you don’t
You don’t love me for me

But it’s okay , isn’t it?
There is still hope for me, I hope so.
To find someone who would love me
For me….

Hello!
Congratulations on your first poem, my friend. Let me give you a few pointers, though. We all start with poetry like this. I had a notebook full of it -- journal entries with line breaks and some meaningless repetition. And whether we choose to go back and fix it or not, there are usually really nice ideas lying under the piles of bad poetry that we just have to dig for.
This, as a poem, isn't very good. It's VERY vague and it just seems to hover and then fall, never moving, never reaching anything. But there is a flicker of something interesting.
You say that you can see in the person's eyes that they don't love you for you. There IS a specific way to tell what people mean, if they're lying, by their eyes, but that could imply that the person writing this poem has stuck with the other person for so long that they can tell their habits. Do they see the way the other person shakes their head a little after the narrator asks if he loves her (or various other pronouns)?

Why not, if you have the time, try to rewrite this poem? It will help you learn a lot. Consider these things when writing, though:

- Imagery. Help the audience see something that they can connect with as they're reading. The words as you have them now have absolutely NO imagery to pull us in. We see NOTHING. Poems don't have to be all about imagery, but we need at least ONE image to hold on to.

- Metaphor/Simile. One of the great writing devices that you have at your disposal is the power of comparison. This is going to be a terrible example, but, say you wanted to say that it's difficult for someone to say I love you. You can knock out simile AND imagery by saying "It's hard, like I'm trying to swim upstream and the water is rushing into my face." That way, we SEE the image of the person swimming, but we feel, through comparison, the difficulty.

- Movement. Where do you want your poem to go? Every story has a movement. From the beginning, we might see a character as normal, kind, nothing inspiring, but the character MOVES through the story and events, and comes out different, maybe more grown up, maybe mean, maybe useless. In your poem, you can have a similar movement. It might start out 'I'm asking you to love me for me', and then moves to 'But I don't love you for you', or 'But I don't know who I am' or, 'Okay, now I know how to make you love me', depending on what the content of the poem is. Consider where you're taking your reader.

PLEASE let me know if you have any questions, and I hope that you continue to try writing poetry! Read the poetry posted on the site. Read as much as you can to get an idea for what you like and what you'd like to try.

Keep writing~ Let me know if you'd like me to review anything else~
-Hannah-

Heya! Congrats on your first poem. This is one small step ImABookPerson, one giant leap for ImABookPerson...kind

We all start with poetry like this. I had a notebook full of it -- journal entries with line breaks and some meaningless repetition

Hey! Not true.

And yet Hannah's right. What I mainly want to say is (a) adhere to what she said and (b) read your poem as the receiver. A problem I identify with several poems (Especially Religous, Heartbreak or otherwise accusing poems) is that the person sometimes comes off as unrealistic. Because even Jesus made sure that people knew they weren't supermen and that they would be either rewarded or would be helped by God. A lot of the poems say that you should strive to do your best and while that is generally inspiring... recently I read a piece where Jesus tells the disciples that they will be rewarded. I was like... WHEW, because I was feeling all this pressure mounting on me. I'm not greedy, but still. It's a two-way thing.

Now, in this poem you ask the person to love you for you. I think you should aim to show us this 'ME' you speak of. Try and be more descriptive. A general rule I like to advise but never stick to is that you should use concrete comparisons. Give us something tangible. For example. Show us this

I can see through eyes

Is it the hollow laugh. Is it when the person looks at your picture as if it's transparent?

You should aim to win us over to your side. Either that or make us also dislike this other person. Why SHOULD they love you? *Besides your poetry? Very Good for a first try*

Thirdly, make it personal. *Adopts military general voice* DARNIT! This is YOUR poem. YOURS. Don't let is be capable of poetry. You should put Anonymous on it and we should still be able to decipher it, right?

Well, that's my review.
Well done and thanks for the read.
TheNewHero.

Congrats on your first poem book! It's the first time and take it easy okay? The poem is okay to me and I believe that you have the talent to write.

Just keep on writing,

Alicia.

ImABookPerson wrote:This is my first poem, and i didn't even planned to do this. so go crazy for it, or not xD


I’m not asking for a lot of attention
I’m not asking for your eternal devotion
All I’m asking is love
To love me for me

Is it that hard?
To accept me for me?
To love me?
To love me for me?

You might say that you do
But I can see through eyes
That you don’t
You don’t love me for me

But it’s okay , isn’t it?
There is still hope for me, I hope so.
To find someone who would love me
For me….

Hey booky, here is my review, I hope it shall help ^^

1.

All I’m asking is love

This should be, "All I'm asking for is love", becuase you used the word for in the first two lines.

2.

To love me?
To love me for me?

Okay, I thought there was an unneeded repetition here, so try it this way:

x. either say "To love me for me?" without using to love me?
x. or keep it the same, however remove the "?" from the first sentence (To love me?)---> (To love me,)

3.

But I can see through eyes

I think you mean, I can see through your eyes

4.

There is still hope for me, I hope so.

This was a little rushed, I think you should try it this way:

x. either write "There is still hope for me"

x. or write " There is some hope left for me"

and the purpose of that is not to use the same word twice, it loses attraction and point.

I liked the theme of your poem, and I respect the fact that you want someone to love you for your true self ^^ Good job hunny!

Hi Ima (thats your new nickname by the way )
and I am going to review you today

I’m not asking for a lot of attention,
I’m not asking for your eternal devotion.
All I’m asking islove you
To love me for me

Is it that hard?
To accept me for me?
To love me?
To love me for me?
really? you need to repeat this again?

You might say that you do
But I can see through eyes.
That you don’t
You don’t love me for me

But it’s okay , isn’t it?
There is still hope for me, I hope so.
To find someone who would love me
For me….
Overall this is awesome! keep writing poetry but PLEASE take my review into account

~Pointe

I like this. It says what your really feeling. Who doesnt want someone to love them for being themselves? You shouldnt just love someone for who they pretend to be, or you might as well say you dont love them at all. You made a good point. And I like this poem. But one day someone will come along. And For me too(: Lol. I didnt really like the ending though. You sounded kind of desperate. I'm not saying that the poems desperate! Just that last stanza, your an awesome writer(: