(I'm) A Shadowed Girl

I remember writing this when I was twelve. )

Shadowed Girl

I’m a shadowed girl--
Too timid to show all that I’ve got
Too shy to let them know me a lot
Bashful enough to hide all my skills
Will I remain forever like this?
'Coz Even if I diligently try
I can’t come out to sheen in the light
But I believe that someday, somehow
I’ll step out off this place, but for now
--I’m a shadowed girl.

--Abigail Bagabaldo January 17, 2007


Now, I can't relate to it. What I believed already happened !! /

Hello there...

This is a sweet poem. I can totally relate to it first of all. The flow is great, the rhyming, where it's supposed to rhyme is not at all tacky.

I’m a shadowed girl--
Too timid to show all that I’ve got
Too shy to let them know me a lot

This was my favourite part, the 'got' and 'lot parts...nice. There is some attitude in the words and it sound like lyrics to really cool song.
I don't have any bad comments, so Good job 12 year old you!

Keep writing.

ziggiefred wrote:Hello there...

This is a sweet poem. I can totally relate to it first of all. The flow is great, the rhyming, where it's supposed to rhyme is not at all tacky.

I’m a shadowed girl--
Too timid to show all that I’ve got
Too shy to let them know me a lot

This was my favourite part, the 'got' and 'lot parts...nice. There is some attitude in the words and it sound like lyrics to really cool song.
I don't have any bad comments, so Good job 12 year old you!

Keep writing.

Thank you very much! I've always been more of a lyricist so I guess it shows... XD

You were a deep twelve year-old! This is really insightful considering your age - I'm surprised you were able to get your thoughts down so coherently back then. The rhyming is cute and contrasts your relative immaturity to the deepness of the poem. Great job!

Hi,
Nice poem. Just spotted one little thing:

'Coz Even if I diligently try

I think 'Coz should be 'Cause. Because it just makes more sense.
Oh and I'm fairly sure the E in "even" shouldn't be capitalized.

That's all I saw. Now I'm no poetry expert, so feel free to ignore any of the suggestions above.

Good poem, deep, meaningful. Love it.

~Crazy

Pretty Crazy wrote:Hi,
Nice poem. Just spotted one little thing:

'Coz Even if I diligently try

I think 'Coz should be 'Cause. Because it just makes more sense.
Oh and I'm fairly sure the E in "even" shouldn't be capitalized.

That's all I saw. Now I'm no poetry expert, so feel free to ignore any of the suggestions above.

Good poem, deep, meaningful. Love it.

~Crazy

thanks for the suggestions! haha...I didn't edit it. I wanted to preserve my twelve-year-old thinking.
God bless you! /

firstly i love that you haven’t edited; coz makes enough sense to me
this is a beautiful piece of writing even for a sixteen year old let along a twelve year old. This poem has a certain personality to it and I’m sure that this particular twelve year old will definitely step out of the shoes of the shadowed girl.

Well done.

LRA wrote:firstly i love that you haven’t edited; coz makes enough sense to me
this is a beautiful piece of writing even for a sixteen year old let along a twelve year old. This poem has a certain personality to it and I’m sure that this particular twelve year old will definitely step out of the shoes of the shadowed girl.

Well done.

Thank you!

Great poem. Loved everything about it. some of the rhymes were good. specially the got and lot part. in short, it was awesome.

NeoAnderson wrote:Great poem. Loved everything about it. some of the rhymes were good. specially the got and lot part. in short, it was awesome.

Thank you, NeoAnderson! /

Thanks to whoever else who liked this.

jashbagabaldo wrote:I remember writing this when I was twelve. )

Shadowed Girl

I’m a shadowed girl--
Too timid to show all that I’ve got
Too shy to let them know me a lot
Bashful enough to hide all my skills
Will I remain forever like this?
'Coz Even if I diligently try
I can’t come out to sheen in the light
But I believe that someday, somehow
I’ll step out off this place, but for now
--I’m a shadowed girl.

--Abigail Bagabaldo January 17, 2007


Now, I can't relate to it. What I believed already happened !! /

Hey jashy, here is my review:

So I liked how you powerfully exposed yourself in your poem, and I found one mistake only:

I’ll step out off this place, but for now

you step out of a place, not off it.

Other than that, I fell in love with your words and clear images. Great job *thumbs up* ^^

Hi, no faults at all, I love the poem and the way it flows. The rhyming scheme is really good and the poem is not lacking of emotion either. I don't have a favourite sentence because I just like everything about it. Keep up the good work

This, has touched me, deep into my soul. I know what it feels like to be shut out, and not try to knock back on the door. I know what it feels like to not have hope, to not believe that now is now, and it will pass. So, Yeah, I liked it very much actually(:

Spoiler

jashbagabaldo wrote:I remember writing this when I was twelve. )

Shadowed Girl

I’m a shadowed girl--
Too timid to show all that I’ve got
Too shy to let them know me a lot
Bashful enough to hide all my skills
Will I remain forever like this?
'Coz Even if I diligently try
I can’t come out to sheen in the light
But I believe that someday, somehow
I’ll step out off this place, but for now
--I’m a shadowed girl.

--Abigail Bagabaldo January 17, 2007


Now, I can't relate to it. What I believed already happened !! /

Hullo! ^^ *waves* My name is Lisa and I am going to review your poem!

First of all, I would like to say that for writing this when you were twelve, it is really deep and insightful! Also, I can -could?- relate to the emotion you put into this poem. I've been in the same situation before. So this poem really struck a cord with me.

Second, there weren't many mistakes I found and the ones I did find were already pointed out. Such as the spelling of 'coz -should be 'cause- and the unnecessary captilization of even. But there was also the part about stepping off this place which really should have been stepping out of this place.

Other than those minor mistakes, there's not much else that I found. I hope I helped and I hope you have a wonderful day!

-Lisa Cooper