Powers (3&4)

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 8
Two figures entered a dark room, one pulling the other, while the one in tow followed eagerly. The base beat of music came up through the floor, as well as the muffled sounds of the partiers downstairs. The leader was a girl, maybe seventeen, with dark, waved hair, though the one in tow could barely see her in the darkness. The boy she led was a couple of years older, and at least a head taller, too. But she was doing all the leading tonight. She stopped tugging him a moment, and he smiled as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. She turned him slowly as they made out, pushing him down on the bed. She withdrew a moment, fishing something out of her pocket, then leaned back in.
She pushed a round pill to his lips. He leaned back a moment, confused.
She sensed his hesitation, and smiled seductively, nearly purring “It’s just X. It always makes it better…”
He grinned, leaning forward to allow her to give him the pill. It was too dark to see the design on it, but in the brief time he had known this girl, he had no doubt that it would probably be a flame.
As soon as the pill dissolved, she stood up. He reached to pull her back, but his limbs were sluggish, and she avoided him easily, walking over to the other side of the room, opening drawers, examining things on the tabletop.
The boy frowned. He wasn’t getting the buzz that X gave. His limbs grew heavier, his brain slower. His slowing brain told him that it hadn’t been X at all.
“You…. Fucking… Bitch…” He slurred. He tried to stand, to reach for her, but he collapsed on the floor, unconscious.
The girl smiled. This was getting easier and easier. Disguise a Roofie as Ecstasy and you had the place to yourself. Granted, with the boy’s healing powers, she didn’t have long. The Rufilin would go through his system quicker than others. She pulled out a bag, sweeping watches, money-clips, and other valuables inside. She paused by his glass bank, grabbing handfuls of bills and shoving them in her bag as well. Easy money. She unplugged his new X-box, too, grabbing a few of his games and his brand new controller. He wouldn’t miss it, and the money of selling it would get her halfway across the country.
She gave the room one last sweep, hearing the partiers downstairs yell and laugh over the pounding music. She almost felt bad for crashing their party.
Almost.
Because then she remembered that they were all just there for beer, drugs and/or sex. Half of them were under sixteen, and the other half were too drunk to drive, but would end up doing so anyway.
Her hand suddenly seemed to sprout fire. A small candle flame on her finger grew to a blaze that engulfed her whole hand. Her skin blackened from soot, but it didn’t hurt. Just tickled. The first time she had made fire, she thought the drugs running through her veins had tricked her, making her hallucinate this friendly fire that healed her and hurt others. But now she accepted it as real, perhaps the most real part of her.
The flickering flame illuminated the boy on the floor. She wondered a moment if his regeneration worked while he was unconscious. Even if it did, she’d given him enough Rufilin to forget the past few hours, giving her a clean escape.
She spread her palm on the bed, the blankets catching immediately. She stepped back, running her hand across the walls, the dresser, even the carpet.
Then she dropped a nearly empty bag of Crack, a bit of tinfoil and a lighter beside him. It would look to anyone that he had passed out from an overdose and lit his own room on fire from trying to get high. Satisfied, she walked away, leaving the door open. She walked downstairs, slipped past partiers, and out the back door.
She was three backyards away when she heard the first scream, the stars already starting to disappear from the rising smoke.


Nate stared out the window, looking at the leaves of the bush outside that twitched from the falling rain. Jade walked up behind him, ruffling his black-and-green hair, then returned to the other side of the room, where the girls from the casino waited. There was August, who had helped her cash her chips from the poker game her brother had helped her bluff so effectively. And then another girl, one that August called ‘Scan’. Though Scan was obviously older than August, she still seemed to look up to the younger girl.
Scan stood as Jade approached, though August remained sitting. Scan was a refined girl. Though she smiled, it was always controlled. When she laughed it was measured, and not uncontrolled giggles or snorts. Almost the exact opposite of August. And yet they got along so well. Jade wished for a moment she could look into the past to see how these two very different girls had become friends.
“I know that you are aware of what I am going to say,” Scan started, nodding to Jade. “But for the sake of your brother, I will say it anyway.”
Nate looked over, hearing himself mentioned. The bush outside seemed somehow taller than it had been before, but Jade hoped that was just her perspective.
“August and I have a very special job. We search for special people. And when we find them, we help them to understand and control their abilities. Many of these people have families that are not aware of their talents, and the people wish to keep it that way. So we help them to hide their powers, while still being able to use them when they are needed. We never take them away from their families unless their powers are too great for them to be able to control, and even then we try to make the time away as short as possible.”
At this Jade raised one finger, causing Scan to pause. Jade turned her head towards her brother. “Bless you.”
Nate sat a couple of seconds, then sneezed. He sniffled, giving Jade a thumb’s up.
“Now that’s just creepy.” August commented. “No offence.”
“None taken. You were saying?” She returned her focus to Scan, who gave two measured coughs before continuing.
“Now, this is where you two come in. We have not helped any orphans before. If you wish to stay in this area while we assist you, we can arrange that. We do not want to hinder your ability to survive as normally as possible.”
Nate snorted. His palm was against the glass, the bush outside growing visibly. Jade shot him a look, and the bush returned to its well-trimmed state. Nate turned to face the others, slumping and crossing his arms moodily. He eyed the small plant in the room slyly, hoping his sister wouldn’t notice.
“What my rude little brother meant by that,” Jade glared at him, but in a way that was somehow loving. “Is that our life is anything but normal.”
“I can assume.” Scan laughed, two, short laughs. “I meant your sort of normal. Whatever you normally do.”
Jade leaned forward. “And when do we meet the others?”
August perked up slightly. “Others?”
Jade nodded. “Twin sisters, a few boys, an odd young girl, and another girl who comes and goes. And there are others with them, too.”
August and Scan exchanged looks. Scan then turned back to address her. “We have not yet met them. Have you seen them?”
Jade nodded. “Only in dreams. But they show up often enough to know it’s real.” She shrugged. “I only know we’re staying with you until we meet them, and possibly even after.”
Scan shot August a panicked look. The returning gaze that August gave showed that she wasn’t expecting this either. “We… We need to discuss this.”
“Save yourself some time. I already saw you say yes.” Jade said off-handedly, as if discussing the weather.
August held up a finger. “Now, I like you and all, but if you’re sticking around, don’t tell me what I’m gonna do. I mean it.” She said, dead serious. She pulled her knees up to her chest, shivering slightly. “That is creepy with a capital ‘c’”
Nate laughed. “It gets worse. Just wait until she pulls out the pendulum.” He had moved next to a potted plant, and the fauna had grown up to curl around one arm like some sort of moving tribal tattoo. “That is some creepy ass shit.”
“Nate!” Jade barked in shock and motherly scolding.
“What? You swear all the time!” He protested.
“I’m not eight years old.” She glared at his fauna-wrapped arm, but he either ignored the pointed glare or didn’t notice it.
“I’m nine, thanks for remembering.” He stuck out his tongue at her.
“Same difference. You’re too young to swear.”
“Fuck you.”
Jade scowled, knowing he wouldn’t be so bold out of company. Turning back to the other two, who were sitting awkwardly, not wanting to interfere with the family quarrel. “Excuse him, he’s going through puberty.”
August laughed as Scan raised her eyebrows, clearly amused at Nate’s indignant “Hey!”
“Well, now that we’ve got that cleared up…” August broke the tension. Nate was blushing visibly, his sister wearing a triumphant smile. “I guess you two’re coming with us, then.”
“Sweet.” Nate stood, the vines that had wrapped themselves around his arm receding, save for one vine, which wrapped around his wrist and detached from the main plant, making a leafy wristband. “So, do you guys have cool gear? A sweet ride? An X-jet?”
“Nate, do you think before you talk?” Jade stood, giving him a noogie. He managed to wriggle free, but not before his highlighted hair was thoroughly mussed.
August looked up from her seat at Scan. “We need an X-jet.”
“No.” Scan said sternly.
“But..!”
“No.”
“Damn.” August slumped.
Hmmm...this snake is called a "Water Moccasin" so in THEORY I should be able to strap them to my feet and cross this river like Jesus?

Hush. Optimus is speaking.

"I get it, the first rule of robot fight club is you don't talk about robot fight club." -Jack, Transformers Prime




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 30338
Reviews 560
Hey Summer

This is all very Tell but not much Show. For example, instead of saying that Scan was controlled, say that she smiled, and what impression her smile gave the others. In the beginning it's very narrative; he did this, she did that, then she did that. There's more to a story than just what's happening, so try describing the scene a little slower, or with more description.

Don't forget line breaks in between paragraphs, it helps to make the piece easier for your reader.

On the possitive, I find the plot of this very interesting, and I'm curios to what is going to happen next. It's a good start, so keep it up :)
We were born to be amazing.



The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White