Secrets

My life gets kind of boring,
Need something that I can confess.
These things that I’ve locked in storing,
Need to come off my chest.
I’ll give all my secrets away.

Tell me what you want to hear,
Something that I can’t keep holding near.
This time, I don’t need another perfect lie.
My life wont be held inside,
I’m going to give all my secrets away.

Got another reason, but I got no shame.
I don’t have a family, I can blame.
Just don’t let me disappear,
I’m going to tell you everything.
I have a lot to prove to you.
This world has lots to offer, but in time it will go dark.

I’m going to give
All
My
Secrets
Away.


*third stanza has rhyming problems, help!*

Joke?

you need to work on your rhyming by avoiding words like "you" or "thing", lie and inside do not rhyme. I think "family that I can blame" works better.

"I have a lot to prove to you" don't seem right.

Hey KAH. I'm sorry, but because I have no originality, I'm going to do this the way I usually do.

I really liked this poem. I liked the idea of it, and I thought than most of it flowed really well. The main thing I had a problem with, was the last line of each stanza. They seemed to mess up the flow. If you maybe added a line to each stanza to give it the same rhythm as the rest of the stanza.

I liked the last stanza. I thought it was a good finish to the poem. I just thought that if you separated the last line, to make it the same as the other stanzas, then it might be better. Consistency is sometimes good. I do like end. I thought it was a good change, and it still seemed to flow well. (And no, I don't know why that is.)

Well, I hope what I said makes sense, and that it helped.

Hi KAH!

Pretty good poem. Had a nice flow and I liked the concept of it. But I think it would be better if it didn't rhyme. I'd like it if you explored your secrets and maybe tell us that they're dangerous, and its risky your letting them out. Also tell us why you are giving your secrets to this person. Why do you need to prove anything to them? I think it would be good if this was a darker sort of poem. Saying your secrets are dark and dangerous, but you don't have a choice this time and need to let them out. They're my suggestions.

Pretty good but it could be better! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

*Locked*

Plagiarism.