Struck By a Star

This morning
I have awakened- in pain but
A new, A new one , A new me
there is something
something that flows...
through my heart-it burns
through my blood- it stings
I thought I had it all
now I gained more... nothing I wanted
Something I only saw In...
My dreams Oh dreams
Oh sweet nightmares
nightmares where you and I
we walk and walk
until you stopped and told me
about that star.
A star that struck you with a gift
and it was going to strike again soon....
I didn't believe you.
I turned my back on what we had
something so beautiful but reality was
a nightmare.
You told me I would be the one
to save many...
I said "No way your crazy leave me alone freak!"
That one word...'I was so shocked, I loved you
but I broke you.
I walked away from the half of my heart
December 26 came,
Just like you said.
That special shining star
It rushed and struck me in the heart.
Here I am...
A freak
but why me?
Ad im laying here my blood glowing
inside me.
Oh the sweet burning
I lay in pain as I hear you coming
Walking... I really can't hear so you are drifting
to me from out of nowhere .
"So..." he says
" Are you ready to accept me? " he whispered
"How about yourself?"
" Come away with me my starstruck girl ." he lends a hand to me
"Lets live our future and let me show you your destiny"
"How can I?" I told you with tears in my eyes
"Just follow me" He said with a voice so healing
" I cant ! , Im going to die here can't you see?" I cried in agony
" No your not" He sweetly whispered
"Love " He stated
"I love you my starstruck girl "
He held my hand
The pain stopped...
The star settled in me
with adrenaline rushing through my body
I got up and followed him
where he took me
to the never ending story
of our lives
I once called you a freak
I'm sorry I said
"Thats okay" He smiled and held me.
" We have a mission so I guess we will be starstruck freaks
forever... you and I

Ad im laying here my blood glowing...you either meant"and" or most likely "as"
You have a beautiful weird combination of fantasy and reality. You have combined an impossible dream with love, and that gave out the most intense heart-touching feeling. I could dream along, and search the beauty of your mind. Good job.
Write on, it's your thing.

The grammar in this is atrocious. The punctuation is inconsistent, you have tense shifts everywhere, you've got randomly capitalized and uncapitalized letters scattered about, and you've got some basic misspellings tossed into the mix. All of these combine to make a confounding cacophony that was not pleasant at all to read, much less decipher.

First things first: brush up on grammar. Punctuation and capitalization rules especially. Poetry follows the same conventions as regular prose, and unless you have very good reasons to break those conventions, they should not be broken. And I do not see any good reasons for the conventions to be broken in this poem.

Secondly: tenses. Pick one, and stick with it. Jumping between past and present and who-knows-what-else tense is just confusing. Don't do it.

Lastly: spelling. You have some basic spelling mistakes like your/you're confusion. Spellcheckers aren't infallible, and nothing can beat several thorough proofreadings. So proofread. Please.

Hey Thee,

Your poem right now reads very fragmented: your lines are pretty short and don't flow into one another as well as they could, which affects the reading of it. The repetitions you abuse early on do not help with the flow either, as they are unnecessary and only make the reader go over the same words over again, which is rather boring and doesn't give one the impetus to read further. I'd recommend just taking them out when they're not needed, and let the poem go on without them, because right now it feels like they're only there to inflate the lines.

You've also got a number of spelling (I'm looking at your/you're, for example) and capitalization issues, which I think could be in part fixed with a quick run through a spellcheck. Also, abuse of the ellipse. Only use it when it is necessary and appropriate: here you're just trailing off for no reason, and it's more frustrating than anything else.

Also check for cliché lines and flat, overdone images. And the vague attempt at dialogue consists of really stale, cheesy lines that I cannot take seriously. Rework, because right now there's nothing in here that's worth the time spent reading.

Hey Thee,

I'll be upfront. This isn't very good. It's rather sloppy, to be honest. There is a subtle yet vital difference between your and you're, which you seem to have forgotten. Punctuation is everywhere and seemingly serves no purpose. The tenses switch like musical chairs, and the ideas are just as schizophrenic. Cliches are thrown about everywhere, and ellipses are abused. The cliches make for boring reading, and the ellipses serve no purpose, but they do annoy the reader after a while. I do think however, with reworking, this poem has potential.

--Sporks