Perception

Disgusted,
I am
of how I used to be.

Things are no better,
things are no worse.

Forever I live in this garbage,
forever like a curse.

The cries of joy-
hollow and foolish
of trickery and coy.

Lies and deception,
anger and hurt-
part of perception.

Need to revert
back when things were better,
until you realize

things are no better,
things are no worse.

How on earth is this a poem?
To me is screams song, simple, all rhyme-y, a perfect song for someone with my voice range.
anyway, your flow is perfect and so is your emotion.
You wrote this strongly, I can feel everything the speaker is going through.
Wel, you rock at poetry
Keep Writing
~WickedWonder

Hi Firearris,

This is... bad. If your goal was to create an utterly useless scrambled-egg concoction of words and link them up through pseudo-emotions like "Disgusted I am" and "anger and hurt", then you are a master of the craft.

Otherwise, it's difficult for anyone to take this seriously. It's as if the narrator took a dead body and sloppily painted a smile on its face. Not only is that absolutely useless, but the fact that this narrator believes that doing so will actually make the face "smile" is repelling.

Firearris wrote:Disgusted,
I am
of how I used to be.

I don't care. Such an opening immediately puts off the reader from wanting to invest emotionally in the poem. Sitting us down and lecturing us isn't earning the narrator any friends here. It's only achieving the height of annoyingness. Show, don't tell.

Things are no better,
things are no worse.

Show, don't tell.

Forever I live in this garbage,
forever like a curse.

Now we have some imagery. Garbage, curse. It's all very cliched. This might be a good song if the melody is inspiring enough to save the words, but as a poem, it's pretty dismal (in a bad way). You live in this garbage. The only thing coming in mind is someone squatting in a garbage can, and I don't think that's what you intended. Forever like a curse doesn't mean anything.

The cries of joy-
hollow and foolish
of trickery and coy.

Lies and deception,
anger and hurt-
part of perception.

This is a little better. Again, the lecturing at the end - "part of perception" - is only making things worse. Don't tell us that this is part of perception. The reader needs to figure that out for himself, guided by the words that you use, examples, metaphors, analogies, etc. Give the reader some credit here, don't hand-hold him through the entire theme.

Need to revert
back when things were better,
until you realize

things are no better,
things are no worse.

You? When did a second character come into play, and why is he mentioned only once - and so fleetingly at that? The most likely explanation is that you paid no attention to who's talking and inserted pronouns at random, but on the offchance that there are actually supposed to be two people here: flesh them out. We need to know more about this shadowy second figure other than the fact that he supposedly exists. That's literally all we know - that, and he realized something. It's possible, I suppose, that this is in reference to the title of this poem, "Perception", as in the perception of the same occurence from the vantage point of two people. My issue still stands; the second figure is suddenly thrust in without any introduction or reason for the reader to care.

Overall, this poem pretty useless except as a tool of what not to do in the future. Don't tell, don't randomly include different people into the flow, and don't use such boring, cliched images such as "I live in garbage". (That could be a rich image if you tried, but instead it was just left hanging there as-is.) Put this away and start clean.

Hope that helped,
Galerius