Don't Cry Child

TIGERSPRITE wrote:DON’T CRY CHILD

Don’t cry child,
Don’t put up a wall.
When you are feeling lonely,
When they don’t answer your call. I think that the rhyme on the last line is very forced. I don't really find it very nesessary at all.

Don’t cry child,
Don’t run away
When they shout, ‘NO!’
When you ask, ‘Can I play?’ I like the line above this one, but the can I play part doesn't fit right to me. It just seems to simple, I would talk about the child crying or something. You know stick with the main point, dont' play with innocence.

Don’t cry child,
Not all the World is cruel. You contradict this line later in your poem. I'm not really sure where at, I just remember reading it.
When your father beats you, This line is so sad, it made me tear up.
The shameless fool.

Don’t cry child,
When mother hasn’t the time.
When they casually ask, ‘How was your day?’
And you lie and say, ‘Fine.’ This is the line that really got to me. I can really relate to this line. I was almost in tears, which is a good thing because poetry generally doesn't make me cry.

Don’t cry child,
For life does change. Life really doesn't change. I think this is the line where I thought you contadicted yourself, but you didn't, so nevermind.
One day, when you have children
One day, when you age.

Don’t cry child,
For innocence stolen, not lost. I can relate to this line also.
For all those cruel to you,
One day they’ll learn the cost. I think pay the price would sound better here.

So don’t cry child, This line gets pretty repetitive in this poem. I do think you should repeat it, but if you repeat it to much it makes the poem sound bad, and it makes the reader loose focus.
But neither run to me. I don't like the way you worded this line. I think you should change it around.
For one day you’ll find all
You ever needed, was inside thee. I would take away the 'thee' in this line.

Don’t cry child.

TIGERSPRITE wrote:DON’T CRY CHILD

Don’t cry child,
Don’t put up a wall.
When you are feeling lonely,
When they don’t answer your call.

Don’t cry child,
Don’t run away
When they shout, ‘NO!’
When you ask, ‘Can I play?’

Don’t cry child,
Not all the World is cruel.
When your father beats you,
The shameless fool.
-I liked this part. It shows why the character is sad. It allows us to have an insight.

Don’t cry child,
When mother hasn’t the time.- this part does not seem to coincide with the rest of the stanza. Explain.
When they casually ask, ‘How was your day?’
And you lie and say, ‘Fine.’

Don’t cry child,
For life does change.
One day, when you have children
One day, when you age.
-I really like this part as well. It is very true and heartfelt.

Don’t cry child,
For innocence stolen, not lost.
For all those cruel to you,
One day they’ll learn the cost.

So don’t cry child,
But neither run to me.
For one day you’ll find all
You ever needed, was inside thee.

Don’t cry child.

the pain I had is scars on my soul ~dreamer~