[September Contest] Poor Mr. Diggs

Here's my poem for the September Contest. Comments and Critiques are greatly appreciated. Oh, and here's a link to the short story that accompanies this:http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic69673.html. The writing prompt was, "Your story is about a judge sitting in a dentist chair singing Wicked". The poem takes place after Mr. Diggs goes to the dentist. It's purpose? To further develope the judge's pathetic character and to entertain.
Poor Mr. Diggs,
He was all alone.
He had no friends,
Not an acquaintance to phone.
So one day he walked,
Out into town,
To find a nice woman,
To invert his frown.
He spotted a beauty,
And it was love at first sight.
Her soft features were perfect,
She was just the right height.
So he swept her up,
Off her little tiny feet,
Told her he was a fine man,
And that he’d never cheat.
But she hopped out of his arms,
Turned away like a brat.
Poor Mr. Diggs
Was just rejected by a cat!

I am here to review like asked.

I am going to try really hard not to force my writing style on you because this is not how I normally write poetry. So, if I do please ignore it, Thanks.

First of all I see that in the short story you have said you should read it first, but the judges do not have to read the short story. I just thought I would let you know. Also, If I were you I would post what the story generator gave you to work with after the poem, or else the mods might not no what it is about if they haven't read the short story.

I have not read the short story so I figure you might want my take on the poem with only the title and itself. Do tell me if it is completely off. Part of me wants to think this is a kids poem, but it doesn't seem like it. When I read the first and last lines I thought Mr. Diggs was a dog. Probably because his name his "Diggs" and he got rejected by a cat. But, for the rest of the time I have really no idea. This poem seems quite random.

I would separate this poem into stanzas. Like I show here: (It is also just general comments I have.)

GirlInTheMirror wrote:Poor Mr. Diggs,
He was all alone.
He had no friends,
Not an acquaintance to phone. "An" Doesn't seem like the right word, I think one would work better.

So one day he walked,
Out into town,
To find a nice woman,
To invert his frown. If this is a child's poem, though I am not sure, invert wouldn't be the best word. Something more common like reverse.

He spotted this one, This line annoys me, but I an not sure why.
And it was love at first sight. You don't need to say "And" I actually think it ruins the rhythm you have in this stanza.
Her soft hair was perfect, If he hadn't touched it how could he know it was soft?
She was just the right height.

So he swept her up,
Off her little tiny feet. If this an adult poem I think that you should replace "little tiny" with a word that describes tiny and little at the same time. Or else it feels to wordy.
Told her he was a fine man,
And that he’d never cheat. Again I don't like "and", but I am afraid I am forcing my style on you.

But she hopped out of his arms,
Turned away like a brat.
Poor Mr. Diggs
Was just rejected by a cat! I would make these last two lines:
Poor Mr. Diggs was just rejected,
By a cat! That would make "By a cat!" stand out and add just a little more of a bang at the end. (Just a thought)

You seem to say "He" and "She" a lot. In some areas it is needed, but in others you could work your way around it. I think you should try not to say it as much at least.

Well, you don't have a lot of rhythm going for you, but this is a pretty good poem. The rhyme helps a lot, and I really like your style. I would tell you more, but the contest ends in eight hours and my dad just told me to go to bed, because where I live it is kind of late.

Hope I helped,

A. S.

Hiya! Here to review!
I know it's late but I still wanted to do one, even though I'm terrible with poetry. It's just hard for me to write...but! I will review to the best of my ability

Poor Mr. Diggs,
He was all alone.
He had no friends,
Not an acquaintance to phone.
So one day he walked,
Out into town,
To find a nice woman, (Woman, I'm sure is a female human. In the end you said cat so maybe change this to just 'female' or something.)
To invert his frown.
He spotted a beauty,
And it was love at first sight.
Her soft features were perfect,
She was just the right height. (But she's cat, no? lol) (Also, I think I would add an 'and' here, I think it flows better)
So he swept her up,
Off her little tiny feet,
Told her he was a fine man,
And that he’d never cheat.
But she hopped out of his arms,
Turned away like a brat.
Poor Mr. Diggs
Was just rejected by a cat! (I still found this funny, though)

Overall, it was a fun poem. Not many descriptions or imagery but a nice read, nonetheless. Now, after reading this, I understand a bit more to his character than I did with the short story. Hmm, that's all really. I told you I'm bad with poems >.<
Good job!

~Shear

Thank you Calligraphy and Shear! Calligraphy- I took some of your corrections and I think they really helped, thanks! Shear- I'll add the "and" and change "woman" to "female" as soon as the contest is over, cause right now I don't think I'm allowed to change anything. Thank you for the reveiw though! It was very helpful!