Horror story

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The boy went to a small, run-down Primary School. It was in the country, with farms and long grass stretching far and wide. The teachers were un-educated and very mean. The only reasons the students went was because it was the only primary school in miles. And the parents had to admit, it was very cheap.
Every student hated the school more than anything in the world. Except for one boy, who didn’t like anything better. Most kids thought he was weird, ‘Why on earth would you like this dump?’, they all said.
The boy was ten years old. He had fair skin and fair hair. The boy was tall for his age and fairly slim.
His name was Matthew Mcloy.
One boy, two years old than Matthew walked up to him. The boy had only been to school for a week.
‘Hey munted teeth guy! I’ve heard you like this place? Why freak?’

Matthew looked up at the older boy’s mean brown eyes. ‘I’ve dealt with worse’
Matthew bumped shoulders with the bigger boy and walked out into the afternoon sun.
And it was true, he has dealt with worse, and he still does.

The bell rang at half past three and Matthew rushed out to meet his mum. She drove her pink car in-front of him to pick him up. ‘Hello Matthew, did you have a good day?’, she asked sweetly
‘It was the same as any other day’, he replied.
‘Well Your father and I have to do some shopping tonight and we won’t be home till very late. You’ll be asleep by the time we get back.’
The boy looked to the floor of the car as it spend down the street. He was annoyed.
He looked at his mother, who was concentrating on the road, he knew he’d still be awake when she got home.

At half-past eight the boy said goodbye to his parents. They thought he’d be happy that it was Friday, but his mum thought her son looked a bit on edge. ‘Are you all right buddy?’, she asked.
‘Yeah’, Matthew quickly shut the door and locked it. His heart was beating heavily.
Matthew rushed to the toilet and closed the window. He shut the two blinds in the lounge room and shut his parents room. He pushed a door stopper underneath the closed door and went to the kitchen.
He found a six pack of beer in the fridge and quickly grabbed them. He opened every bottle and poured the contents down the sink. He smashed the glass bottles on the table and littered the kitchen floor with broken glass.
He looked at his hand and saw a long scratch on his arm, he put a band-aid on and moved out of the dining room and back into the lounge room. Matthew breathed, but he didn’t smile. He then sat in a corner chair and turned the TV on and watched a movie. He enjoyed it. It was about a group of people trying to rob a bank. He scratched his neck and once again, his heart raced. The dining room! He’d completely forgot.
The dining room has a sliding glass door. He forgot to pull the curtains over. He moved over to the curtain and gripped it tightly, the TV turned to a commercial about potting mix. He began to move the curtain to the middle of the sliding door. Two giant hands smacked against the sliding door.
‘Let me in’, he roared. The boy quickly swung both curtains, making he sure he didn’t look at him.
The boy sat down and turned the TV back on. Every few seconds he heard the banging of the man outside.
‘Let me in, Let me in, Let me in’, The words never stopped.
The words were soft and the boy blocked his ears, he no-longer cared about the movie.

He turned the TV off and grabbed the nearby cushion and hugged it. He closed his eyes to try and go to sleep. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CHRUNCH. The kitchen, somebody was walking through the kitchen. A tall man walked through the dining room, he was slightly faint. They all are.
‘My feet hurt’, he said with no emotion.
‘Go away’, The boy cried and ran through the other way into the bathroom. The bathroom door knocked as he began to run a nice hot bath. The boy jumped into the water and relaxed. He blocked the knocking from the door and closed his eyes. Five minutes later his body was warm and his emotions were calm. He opened his eyes and noticed the steam comig through the bath and fogging the mirrors. The boy felt something against his legs. He looked down and saw a pair of feet. He looked up and saw a man in his forties with a black beared. The boy screamed.
‘This bath isn’t big enough for the two of us’, the man said.
The boy jumped out of the bath and so did the man. Water splashed everywhere. The man punched himin the gut. The boy was almost winded. He opened the bathroom door and dodged the tall man who was continuously knocking and made it to his bed-room. He shut the door and jumped into bed, Knowing that this was going to be another rough night.
Welcome to the life of Matthew Mcloy. An ordinary boy that is hunted by the dead, by ghosts. And all he wants is for them to go away.




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Thought I would point out some mistakes.
[quote] saw a man in his forties with a black beared[quote]
[quote]punched himin the gut.[/quote]
In the beginning, it was exciting but there was nothing interesting in the end. I would advise you to keep it as it is till the time when Matthew's parents leave home and then rewrite it.
The Football Freak.




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Small grammatic errors, I shall point out.

I’ve heard you like this place? Why freak?’


Why, Freak?

The boy looked to the floor of the car as it spend down the street


The boy looked at the floor of the car as it sped down the street.

CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CHRUNCH


I say this way too often; DO NOT USE SOUND EFFECTS. it cheapens the story, it isnt at all effective. It would be far better to say something like: There were tinkling and crunching sounds...someone was coming through the kitchen.

The man punched himin the gut.The boy was almost winded


him in the gut, almost winding the boy.

It could be better, but as it is, its quite good.
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

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