[September Contest] Wishes and Stars

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My generator line is "Your story is about a neurologist in a house wishing on stars."





(()) (()) (())

She would have loved to have lied; to tell them that in fact everything with the patient was fine and that the surgery went off without a hitch. That would have been the answer the family had wished for, but Sarah knew she couldn’t tell them that.

After all, she was a professional, and she couldn’t lie.

In her office, she adjusted the plaque on her desk that read, Sarah Wilcox, Neurologist. Sarah was always making sure that things that things were perfectly straight and, save a spine or two, managed to always do that. She straightened the white coat she wore over the black shirt and pants and pushed the door of her office open.

The father rose immediately after hearing the door, his eyes wide with expectation. The mother kept her head down low, because she expected nothing more than bad news. Sarah kept her head low too, and upon seeing her like this the father sat back down again, already defeated.

“How is my daughter?” the man asked slowly.

Dr. Wilcox took a deep breath and began the speech she had said a few times over the years. Although she had said it before, this time it hurt the most.

“I assure you that we did all that we could... But she’s permanently paralyzed from the waist down. I’m sorry.”

The mother buried her face in her hands and started crying before Sarah could finish saying, “I’m sorry”. Her husband wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, shaking his head.

“I just wish that this wouldn’t have happened. I was really hopeful…” his speech phased out and then he cried softly too.

“She is awake now. If you would like to talk to her-“

“Yes!” they said in unison.

The parents visited their daughter, and Sarah waited for them, wallowing in her own personal sadness.

She couldn’t save an eight year old girl legs, no matter how much she had tried. A few years ago, Sarah would have been disappointed that she had hoped, but she had stopped hoping by now. She had wished for things to go well in the past, but now those days were behind her. Her divorce, the failed surgeries, and the true bleakness of life had taken the hope right out of her. Wishing just wasn't for her.

Sarah thought wishing was for children.

She was about to head home when the father came into view. He looked confused, scratching his head and raising an eyebrow.

“She wants to see you, doctor,“ he said.

“Me?”




She went into the room and beheld the small figure on the bed. Golden curly hair framed a small, round face. Wide blue eyes with long eyelashes. She was beautiful child, like a star.

But now she was broken. To accompany her hair and her eyes she now had two unmovable legs and scars all over her body. She lay straight on her bed, unable to move her head because of the stiff collar they had put around her neck. Sarah walked to her side so the child could see her.

“Hello, Marley,” Sarah said, “how are you feeling? If you want I can get you some water or some-“

“You look sad,” said Marley, her eyes shimmering with concern. Sarah was taken aback at her words.

“Well of course I’m sad, Marley. I couldn't get your legs to work again. Wouldn't you be sad?"

“No,” Marley answered, “why would I be? I have everything I could have ever wished for.”

“But your legs! Sure, you could have prosthetics to replace them, but your legs won't be normal again. How could that be what you wished for?"

Marley giggled and responded,

“I didn’t wish for my legs to be paralyzed, silly! Can you open the curtains for me, please?”

Sarah obeyed and opened the curtains of the recovery room. She saw a night sky. It could have been a dark blue blanket embroidered with golden thread, or an artist’s masterpiece. Either way, the night sky was simply…

“Beautiful.” Sarah whispered.

“I was going to bed one night when I saw a star twinkle outside my window. I made a wish on it, Misses Doctor. I made a wish that my family and I would be together and happy forever.”

Sarah turned around, eyebrow arched.

“Marley, personally I don't think wishes do any good,” Sarah said.

"Maybe they do, maybe they don't. I know when my mother's car crashed and there was blood everywhere, and my body hurt so much, I didn't know if I would get to be with my parent's again. Then I remembered my wish, and it gave me hope to keep going. I think because of the wishes I have made, they have given me the hope I need to live. I made a wish, and I'm alive and smiling!" Marley's mouth formed a wide grin as if to reinforce this fact.

“Why are you telling me this, Marley?”

“I saw your face and it was sad. You looked like you stopped wishing for good things a long time ago, and because of that you don't smile anymore."

Sarah sighed and ran a shaky hand through her hair. She did not know why her hand was shaking.

“When you get old like me, you have to stop wishing on impossible things.” Sarah said.

“Life is hard. I know that now, Misses Doctor. And I now know too that it is even harder without hope. Give wishing a try, Sarah."

Marley fell asleep.



Later that night, alone in her home, Sarah looked out into the sky. She saw the beauty, as usual, but she saw something more. Sarah saw life, and for the first time in years, saw how much it was worth living. And if a small, paralyzed girl could do it, she could do it too.

Sarah Wilcox closed her eyes and made a wish.
Last edited by Esther Sylvester on Sun Sep 19, 2010 1:55 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Hey :)

This was a well written story, with a sweet message :) Here are the things that I noticed:

“Yes!” they both shouted.

While there would be strong emotion from the parents of a child they just discovered will never regain use of her legs, shouting "Yes!" doesn't quite fit how they were crying two seconds ago.

She couldn’t save an eight year old girl, no matter how much she had tried. A few years ago, Sarah would have been disapointed disappointed that she had hoped, but she had stopped hoping by now.

The girl didn't die. I think you mean, "She couldn't save the legs of an eight year old girl".

“Well of course I’m sad, Marley. I couldn’t get your legs back, and now you won’t be able to walk again. Wouldn’t you be sad?”

That's really blunt, and bleak. And also untrue. Unless the nerves are completely destroyed (and even then it's still possible), her legs could be removed and replaced with prosthetic limbs that are becoming steadily better than than the real thing.

“Marley, you know that wishes don’t come true.”

Only slightly crushing this girl's beliefs?

“Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. But when mommy’s car crashed, and there was red stick stuff everywhere, I really thought I was going to -“ she squinted at the word that followed, “- die. But then I remembered my wish, and it reminded me all of things I had to come back to. My family, my friends…It gave me hope. So I decided to keep living, Doctor. For the better things in life.”

The only thing I can comment on is that the dialogue of the parents seem a tad stiff and unrealistic. But maybe that's because they weren't acting the way I would have acted if I found out my daughter would be combined to a wheelchair until she got new legs.

:) Lovely story (not the part about the child getting hurt, but the story of Sarah beginning to find hope again), nice tone. It was a pleasant read.

- Jai
I have an approximate knowledge of many things.




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Hi there!

This is a very sweet story, well written, too. Just a few things:

The mother buried her face in her hands and started crying before Sarah finished saying, “I’m sorry”


Nitpicky, but I think it would sound better if you wrote: 'and started crying before Sarah could finish saying'

“Yes!” they both shouted.


This seems very out of place. They're shocked, devastated - they would probably respond in a more solemn, serious manner. At the moment it seems too enthusiastic.

Sarah thought wishing was for children.


I really liked this (:

“But your legs! You won’t be able to walk or be able to dance like you loved to! You won’t be able to be a normal eight year old girl ever again. How can that be what you wished for?”
Marley chuckled to herself.


That's not very nice to say to an eight year old, or anyone, really. Talk about dashing hopes. Wouldn't the narrator be trying to cheer the little girl up? Also, 'chuckled' doesn't fit here, somehow. Maybe just a simple smile would be better.

“Marley, you know that wishes don’t come true.”


Again, not very nice to tell an eight year old. Especially when the wish was about Marley's family being happy and together.

“Because it looks like you stopped wishing for good things a long time ago. Living is hard when you do that.”


This is a very mature thing for an 8 year old to say... :/

Sarah Wilcox closed her eyes and made a wish.


ahhh :)

Overall, I think this is a very sweet story about lost and found hopes. The only thing I didn't like so much was the conversation between Marley and the doctor. Marley's so intelligent it's unrealistic, and the doctor is being very, very blunt with the girl. Surely the doctor wouldn't want to make Marley sad, by saying that wishes don't come true.
Apart from that, a nice read. Good job!

Hope I helped, and keep writing!

~Lilicia
“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.”

~Hans Christan Andersen




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This was a wonderful piece.... I love the ending. I would work on making the dialog a bit more natural, but other than that, I think this was fantastic. You developed the story nicely, along with the characters and plot. I might consider giving the neurologist some background, why she though wishes were so useless, but I know that you have limited words.

Overall, very nice piece. :)

-Coral-



The very worst use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all.
— Benjamin Tregoe