E's Diary - Prologue Part 1 - To Meet...

Read This before reading the actual story [ Updated ]

Spoiler

Well, this is [ one ] of my first story that I actually thought of on my own and actually writing it rather than other fanfictions and stuff. I can [ almost ] say that I'm very proud of this story and not the grammar. I am sorry but I am a noob in training when it comes to grammar so I may need special help for grammar and advance English [ words ]. I will appreciate if you help me with my words since I do repeat a lot of words and sometimes the thesaurus doesn't really help me with related words like "seem" or anything like that. I am finish with the prologue Part 1 ( oh god! ) but I still need to check it a little bit more so that I don't actually wrote something wrong by accident ( like writing "write" instead of "right" ) Anyway, please read this beginning and give me feedback, thanks! I'll upload the rest after I re-read it.

UPDATE: Well I've uploaded the rest of the prologue now and I hope you enjoy reading it. Feel free to once again, make grammar check for me so I can clear it up :]

SummerFrost 14, 1948 - Age 3
"Come on!" The boy yelled at me as I tried to keep up with him. "Where are we going?" I asked, taking in deep and heavy breaths, seeing him stop at the edge of the point I also stopped.
"Isn't it beautiful, Edan?" he said in excitement as he stood at the edge of Point Lookout. Ah… Point Lookout, the tallest mountain in this area, most people use this place to spy or look out for enemies, hence the name Point Lookout. But when you’re not here to spy or on the lookout, this place can also be a great view.
"It is quite beautiful alright," I reply as I went beside him to see the view. “Wow Yuu, I’m actually amazed that you’re not out of breath yet, I mean look at me, I’m freaking tired as hell!”
“Well, I can endure a lot if it’s something I really want to do.”
Yuu is my best friend, or I would say, my first friend. Kids here aren't the nicest people here, you know.
After all the viewing we had, we decided to head back to the village. Yuu's mother was so worried about him, thinking that he ran away to where his father was, the battlefield. It's a good thing I don't have parents, hah!

[ Missing Pages ]

WinterFrost 30, 1949 - Age 4
It was winter, Christmas day, a day where families celebrate with each other; parties, present, and so many other things.
I never felt the happiness of Christmas, probably because I don't have parents or anyone to celebrate with. "Guess it's just me this year again," I chuckled to myself, trying to feel a little bit better, only to wallow in my own vileness.
Suddenly, I heard a loud thump outside; with haste, I ran outside, I open the door and saw a pink-hair girl lying outside in the snow. Not having a second thought I grab to her and pull her inside or rather drag her inside, she was kind of heavy. I did everything I could and what I should be doing to stop her from immobilizing. I finally finished and she appears to be waking up. She glances around the place, scanning for something familiar. When she came to her senses she quickly sat up and yelled, "Where am I?!"
I was startled at first, I don’t see people get this lively after almost freezing to death.
"Hey!" I yell back at her, "I'm asking the questions here so shut up!"
She responded to my words and began to listen.
"I don't know who you are and why you suddenly pop out of nowhere and into my doorstep! But first let's get this one thing; I save your behind from freezing to death so you should thank me for that."
She startled at first but replied," T-thank you..."
I grinned and went back to business," Second... the name's Edan."
"Ahh... w-well nice to meet you Edan, my name is Luka."
Luka, huh? That's a pretty nice name it seems to match her, I think.
"Sorry for disturbing you all of the sudden but you see, my family and I were traveling here hoping to find peace but bandits attacked us. I'm probably the only one alive, right now."
"Right now?"
"Yeah... I don't know about my family whenever they survived or not. I'm sorry for being like this; I usually don't act like this."
My head is clouded with many mistaken thoughts, "Wait... you don't usually act like this?"
Luka just shook her head and says that she's going back to get some more rest.
... I don't know why, but I seem to get this scary feeling about her, this is not how she normally acts? Don’t most girls act like this because they are who they are, weak and vulnerable? I wonder who she is... actually—I don't even want to know.

WinterFrost 31, 1949
It was the late morning; I seem to doze off a lot these days. I remembered what happened yesterday and quickly got off the bed and went to check on Luka. “She isn't here...”
Shoot! Where did she wander off to? There seems to be shouting and laughter coming from outside, I wonder what is going on.
I open the door to take a look on what is happening. Oh, it's just Luka playing with the boys... wait what?!
"Luka!" I said in a loud and angry tone, "What are you doing?"
She stares at me like I've never seen it before, "What do you think? I'm playing soccer, duh!!"
"That's the problem!!" I reply back to her.
I promptly walk toward her—grab her arm and drag her back to the house.
When we got into the house I slam the door and look at her furiously. "Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?" She said in a serious tone, "Because I'm a woman?! Is that it?"
I started to stutter as I tried to find the correct words to say," W-well n-no... I mean yes! You shouldn't be doing stuff like that you could have gotten hurt!"
That one word, that single word, made her flew into a firing rage as she yells back at me.
"I knew it! You men are always the same thinking that just because I'm a girl means I'm supposed to be weak and that I need protection from someone like you!"
As she barks at me, I notice something... her eyes, they were full of determination and damnation. I can see why, really.
Women are always treated like they are weak, that someone [ men ] need to lead the way for them or else they'll be lost, a perfect puppet on a string.
After Luka finally calmed down after all that ranting, I can't help myself from hugging her and apologizing. She must have gotten through more pain than I have. Luka didn't say anything but hug me back.

WinterFrost 45, 1949
It has been two weeks since Luka came onto my doorstep and she and I have been living together, though the elders insist that Luka should live with another family, I told them I could take care of her and myself and that it'll be fine on my own.
It's actually going well, Luka seems happy to help in my work.
And if you must ask why they let me live alone, it's because of either two things, one: I'm older than five and have parents living here also or two: that I know how to cook, hunt, and farm.
It may sound crazy, but that's how the law works, for men that is. Most kids would stay 'till they found other places to live and/or they found new love, or an arranged marriage which would sound better.
Unfortunately I don't have parent and I certainly know how to live and survive. Besides now I have someone I can work with.
Today however is a special day, skipping work, yep, that's how special today is. Luka and I was gathering firewood when I notice Yuu skipping his farm work, Yuu also seemed to noticed me. He came closer to me and asked," Hey, you want to go to Point Lookout, Edan?" I thought for a second when Luka jab me on the sides and grin, "Come on Edan, I want to see Point Lookout too!"
I sighed and said," Alright, alright let's go then."
We drop the lumbers and with no delay we travel to Point Lookout. When we go to the edge the view was still beautiful as ever.
"It has been a while since we were here huh?" Yuu look at me and smiled, I just nodded. Luka on the other hand seem really excited," Wow! So this is the tallest mountain in this continent? The view is so beautiful, hey! I can see the village from here."
( Of course, you idiot. )
Now that I think of it, it has been a year since I've seen Yuu, because of what happen with us ditching work and going here, Yuu was grounded to study magic and spells ( for protection ).
Yuu was quite the smart guy though he doesn't seem smart enough to handle his way with the bullies and spar match.
We stayed here until the sunset. When we got back, it seems like Yuu's mother have created a search team for Yuu. How ironic.
Yuu was once again yelled at and grounded.
“Told him that he would get in trouble.”
"You didn't say that Edan," Luka look at me, frowning," You just went along with him."
I didn't reply to her and went back home, I must have thought it out loud. She was the one insisting on it, gosh, I never understand women.

WinterFrost 47, 1949
Two days have passed since that incident with Yuu and now he's grounded yet again. I always wonder how he never gotten fat over the years of staying in his room studying. Luka on the other hand, seems to get along with the boys and probably the girls too, though they do seem jealous of Luka for some weird reason. Oh! I totally forgot I suddenly had this feeling that I should be recording my history or days if you may say that. I don't know why, but I get this feeling that if I might die somehow, someone ( from another timeline, I hope ) may see this record and know about my entire life. The reason why I say “record” instead of a “diary” is because a diary sounds too girly for me. I could say it's a journal... yeah, I think that would make a lot more sense. From today on forth, I am writing every single detail of my life into this journal... well almost every detail, I don't really want to write every day.

WinterFrost 48, 1949
It seems like I've dose off again, I don't know why, my sleeping habit seems to be getting heavier and heavier. I think I know why though. My house is well... a house, but it just have one bed because I'm the only one living there—of course. Since Luka moved in, I had to give up my bed and move onto the couch, or what I thought I did, she seems to have no problem sleeping in the same bed with me. So in short, I blame her, Luka is the reason why I can't go to sleep, she “hugs me very tightly” or so she says. I think she's trying to kill me while my guard is down or something. That also reminds me, I haven't ask for Luka's birthday yet, how silly of me.

Well, I went and ask her, but she said she doesn't remember her birthday... seriously, it's been two weeks and four days and she already forgot it?! ARGH!
Rather than that, I went to visit Yuu—undetected of course. His mother won't let anybody near him when he is studying, I can't believe Yuu haven't run away yet. He and I had a long chat, a very long chat, it kind of went something like this:
"Hey Yuu," I said in a low tone.
"What?" He replied without even looking at me.
"How can you live with a mother like that? I mean... isn't she quite a bit-"
"Don't say it," Yuu put down his book and look at me," You wouldn't know because you never have parents so you don't know that they only do this because they care about you."
"But isn't this a little bit too much caring?"
Yuu sighed and went back to studying," Yes... that's all I can say."
"Hm, but why can't she at least let friends visit you sometimes? I kind of get tired sneaking into your house, the last time I did it I almost got hit with a freaking fireball."
"Well you know, she says that friends will only interrupt my studies and I got to study." He said as he flips the pages.
"Study for what?"
"So I can get into a good mage academy and make my mom proud."
"But what about you Yuu?" I ask him.
He didn't say anything for a while only to look at the blank pages of his notebook. I couldn't stand this silent atmosphere so I ask him again," What about you? Would you be happy?" I kept on asking him until he finally reaches his limit," It's for my father! The reason why my mother makes me study and learn spells so that I can protect myself from monsters that killed my father! She doesn’t want to see me die a death like my father!" After Yuu finish his vulgar speech, I didn't reply back, not because I didn't know what to say, it was because his loud voice attracted his mother so I had to run away.
After that, I kind of dose off until nighttime, I had to insist Luka that I wanted to be alone so that I can actually go to sleep for once.

WinterFrost 51, 1949
It has been three days since the day that I finally got Yuu angry, though I may sound like a jerk, I kind of felt accomplish to finally hear him yell at me. Now I can't wait for him to challenge me into some kind of duel for some reason. In fact, I felt so accomplish that I seems to accept an offer from Luka, if I can only remember what I said yes to.
“Say, what was that offer you were talking about earlier?" I ask Luka, she look at me and sigh," You already forgot it? I ask if you would get some Petals for me."
"...What for?"
"To make something special," she giggled and winked at me.
I was confused.
But I went to collect some Petals anyway; they are flowers that can only be found of Point Lookout if you didn't know what they are. After all the hard work picking those flowers and going back down, I gave it to her and ask once again," What are you intending to do with them?"
She only answers with the same thing she said to me last time.
I groan and just jump on my bed and went to sleep.

WinterFrost 53, 1949
I woke up this morning to find a metal ring on top of my desk, it seems like the ring was made by a Petal. Petals are flowers that can be mold into metal with special water; most people here in the village make rings and other accessories from Petals. You can say that Petals are our trading supplies. But this ring was... pretty, it had an emblem of a Dragon Lotus on it, I wonder if this is the 'special' something that she mentioned. I got off of bed and walk to the living room, seeing Luka there sitting on the couch. I told her that the ring she made was very pretty, Luka only look at me and blushed, she tried to cover her face with her hand which made me notice that she also made a ring for herself, matching rings I guess? Before I could say anything else, she already ran away. How weird.
For the rest of the day, she kept on avoiding me.
At night, she kicked me out of the room and made me sleep on the couch, I would say that I'm happy that I'm sleeping on the couch but my heart seems to ache. What does she want from me? At least I wore the ring, isn't that enough?

WinterFrost 60, 1949
It has been seven days now, Luka seems to be very good at avoiding me. I don't get it, so I decided to go to Yuu for answers, he's smart right?
"Yuu, why is Luka avoiding me?"
"... What did you do to her?" He glared at me.
"Nothing, she's been avoiding me ever since she gave me this ring," I told him and I show him the ring. Yuu seems surprise at first then he smiled. "You are really dense aren't you Edan?"
"Dense? Are you saying I'm stupid? Just because I'm not a nerd like you doesn't mean I don't know how to count to ten!"
Yuu only laugh at me, for once, he was getting me mad, not a very good feeling.
"No, that's not it Edan, you're just dense when it comes to those kind of stuff."
"Stuff? What stuff?"
"You'll find out when you're older."
"W-what?!" I suddenly scream at him, making his mother rushing to his room, I quickly fled the scene and groaned," What does he mean? I don't get it!"

[ Missing Pages ]

FallIce 01, 1950
Ahhh, it's a new year, how refreshing. This year is FallIce, well, how our days and years’ work is that every season has 150 days so it goes like fall or summer or the other two seasons, the extra word describe the year. It changes every ten years so last year was Frost and these ten years is Ice ( The other last 10 years was Raining ). Oh, about my relationship with Luka, she finally has the guts to actually be near me now. It's like teaching a baby how to walk and talk, very hard. Luka hasn't learned how to talk to me yet but she's learning. I’m actually more amazed on how she was about to avoid me in these 93 days or so. Every time I ask Yuu, he would only say that I should figure it out myself and that I'm very dense about this stuff. ARGH! Screw him and his smart-ass brain.
After I let some loose screws out of my head, I finally remembered that my birthday is coming up on the fifth, woo! Growing older every day! Oh, and also, Yuu was able to get out of his house now, but his mom is on his watch 24/7. I guess that means he and I can't go to Point Lookout anymore. Just great...!

FallIce 05, 1950 - Age 5
Today seems like a very special day, not because it's my birthday but because today is when the wars finally ended with two winners, the Legion and the Order.
Because of that, the people seem to don't remember that today is my birthday, oh well I guess. Now that's another thing that adds to my horrible list:
Not having parents, living alone (until Luka came), and now my birthday has been replace with a holiday.
Great! Just freaking GREAT!
Luka and Yuu on the other hand, seem to actually remember like a human being. Yuu gave me brand new enchanted knuckles that he made himself, I feel so proud, now only if he can actually make these things useful for himself. Luka on the other hand gave me a... uhh... "What is this?" I said in a soft voice to Yuu.
He examines it and reply," I think it's an armlet, quite beautiful if I must say." Yuu is right, this is very pretty but for some reason, it looks too girly for me. I really don't want to wear this but the look on Luka face force me to. "Luka, how did you make this?" She looks at me and smile," Just like the how I made the ring for you."
"Oh, the Petal wait, where you get more Petals?"
"I didn't want to bother you so I decided to get it by myself." She mutters to herself; though I heard it I can't really scold her since she always does this. I could only sigh and smile at her," Thanks for the present Luka, it's really nice."
"Well there's also one more thing, you can't have a birthday without cake right?" Luka says in excitement, she rushes to the kitchen and came out of with a cake... in freaking pink. I’m still unable to yell at her, though I do like the frosting.
Yuu, Luka, and I celebrated for the rest of the night. Well... with the exception of Yuu cause he had to go home early or else you know what.
Overall, it was a great night, just minus the winners of the war and that my birthday is replaced with a holiday.

FallIce 10, 1950
A notice came in today, it seems like the Order and the Legion decided to force people into their capital, people within the age of 16 or over must choose which nation they must join or else. That's what the banner says, I don't know what this “or else” thing but it must be something that aches. I wonder what it is. The newspaper these days are so colorful, I guess their trying to get our attention with all these colorful texts. I can barely read half of these stuff, they need to go back to the old fashion black and white. At least they kept the colors off of the Order and the Legion. Let's see... the Order has more advance technology and is willingly accepting soldiers... I mean knights. The Legion on the other hand, goes back to the old fashion tribal war—however, they do have the upper hands on knowledge in strategies and dirty tricks. Though, I think the knowledge on how the people choose which nations are the jobs; the Order and Legion have different jobs so that seems a lot easier for people to decide. Judging by Yuu's determination to become a mage and Luka's admiration and pride for a knight, I can already know that they are joining the same forces. What about me? I feel like a nonentity—actually I am a nobody, I barely exist in this village, and there are only two people who actually care about me. If they weren't here, I would have lived my life in darkness. Hm, how great would that be, huh? Now I really wonder, what happens when you don't choose a side? What is this kind of punishment they'll give me? I don't really care as long as it makes people know my name. That would be nice, Edan the Rebellion, hah... I feel like I just rip that off from a novel. Oh well.
In the evening, I decided to hang out with Yuu and Luka; they seem fine even though the other rest of the villagers are in a panic. Guess that means they already know what they're going to choose, I still had to ask. "Say, you guys are quite calm even though everyone is in a panic, does that mean you guys have already decided who you're going to join?"
"Yeah, and what about you?” Yuu replied, still looking at his book. Luka seems worried," Yeah, which nation are you going to join?"
"Meh, haven't really decide on it yet, probably the Order," I said, pretending to look at Yuu though my eyes were focus on Luka, she seems relieve. I grinned," Well you know, even if we separate, we're still friends forever right?" Ugh, that sounds to girly, I regret saying that. Yuu put down his books and stood up and look at me," Yeah, we always will be."

FallIce 11, 1950
I just notice something... Luka seems to act differently when I'm around, I got suspicious so I decided to follow and observe her for the whole day. When I'm not around, she acts all bossy and boyish to the others, she seems like a really good leader and everyone follows her order even though she is bossy as hell. But when I'm around, she acts like your average housewife, what the hell?! I do not understand women. Maybe Yuu can understand women, he is smart after all.
"No way dude I can’t read a woman's mind, they are different from us men." Yuu said blankly.
“Ah...”
"So why you ask, Edan?"
"I don't know, it's just that Luka seems to very different when I'm around, is it because I scold her too much and now she is scared of me?!"
"... Tell me, how did you know that she was acting different?"
"I decided to follow her for the whole day and notice the changes."
"... You followed her?"
"Indeed I followed her.”
"Edan... that's stalking, don't do that."
"I wasn't stalking her, I was OBSERVING her."
"That's same thing as stalking.”
"Argh, anyhow, can you tell me what's wrong with her?"
"Am I like... your doctor now? But you are really dense you know that; now get out of here before I scream for help."
I couldn't say anything so I left. Yuu said the same thing he said to me last year—am I really that dense?

[ Missing Pages ]

SpringIce 14, 1951 - Age 5
After many months and days of thinking, I think I finally came up with the solution for the problem with Luka! She must be embarrass that she actually likes making girly stuff but she has a bossy attitude so it would be hard for her to show it to others so she only does it to me because I'm her roommate!! Yes!! That must be it!

SpringIce 15, 1951
What the freak? I went to talk with Yuu about my resolution and he only laughed saying that I am still very dense. ARGH! DAMN HIM!
I got so angry I decided to challenge him in a duel, he lost miserably and I won with sweet revenge.

SpringIce 16, 1951
Is it me or has Luka's hair gotten longer? It was hard to notice since I do live with her every day, I wonder why she decided to grow her hair longer, the last time I ask her about her hair she said," Long hair gets in my way so I rather cut my hair rather than be bothered by my own hair."
Hm, interesting... but I still don't understand women. They change too quickly; maybe I should study and write a document on women, maybe someone will give me money for that. Hah, in my dreams, only in my dreams...
I also notice a change in Yuu, after our duel yesterday, he seems to be eager to fight others and now he is on a winning streak. Finally letting out his magical powers, eh? I just hope he doesn't come and challenge me to a duel; I don't want to get my ass burn by a guy who I beat over the last year.

SpringIce 17, 1951
I woke up early today and saw Luka outside swinging a branch... I guess she's pretending to be a knight in shining armors. When I saw her, it gave me an idea. I can give her a gift since she always does so many things for me and I never show any appreciation.
I decided to sneak into Yuu's house and drag him out and into the forest. Yuu gasped and started to shriek," What are you doing?! I was studying and now I'm going to get in trouble, what do you want anyway?"
"Woah, someone's a little cranky today, but anyway, you and I are going to the mine and stay there for at least... two or three days?"
"Three days? What for?"
"So that I can make a special present for Luka as my appreciation for everything she did for me."
Yuu can't complain on that," Well... that's good but what about my mom? She will send out search parties, heck! She might even send out a whole army just to look for me!"
"That's why we're going to be in the mine!" I said and grab his arm and proceed further into the forest.
When we got there, it was," The Bleak Mine?!" Yuu suddenly jumped.
"Yep, the darn Bleak Mine.”
"Why the Bleak mine? It's right above the freaking volcano!!!"
"That's why we have to be at Bleak mine, no one would search for us here and we need lava to melt and forge, I think that’s how you do it."
"You need special items to melt and forge, you can’t just use lava, but... what are we going to make anyway?"
"A sword, of course!”
"A sword? Oh no, this is the wrong place, these are coals man! They can’t be used as weapons; they won’t melt and will shatter if you smash them."
"But have you actually heard what's inside the coal?"
"What’s inside?"
"Yeah, they say if you get it in the right temperature, it will harden and you can break the layers and there will be a piece of Pure Silver laying there."
"You mean the rarest, strongest, and unbreakable material that can be used for a sword, the Pure Silver?" I just nod at him, smirking.
"That's a children dream! There's no way, someone just made it up so they can get heard."
"Well... we're still children so if we dream hard enough we might get out Pure Silver." I gave him a really big smile, Yuu can only groan since he can’t argue anymore.

SpringIce 18, 1951
This was the first day in the mine, we decided to camp near the inside of the exits for the mine, because even if it is daylight, no one can really see anything from the outside due to the black coal smoke. You must go inside the black fog to see clearly inside. The spot is also a spot where it is cool, as we go in deeper, the hotter the mine gets. The first problem is that we need to find the right coal, most coal shatter once they get hit, we must find the one that can take a few hits or so.
So far, we found nothing.
Yuu and I decided to stop for a moment for we were hungry and tired; I decided to go out hunting since Yuu's stamina is a little bit too low. I brought back a full boar, he and I had a ferocious fight but I still stand on top. We ate like cavemen, hah! I made a cave joke!
He and I decided to take a nap and work at night where the temperature is cooler.
When we woke up, it was already the late midnight so we hurried and went back to work.

After many search, Yuu found a coal that was able to take hits and when we were about to celebrate, he asks,"... Where are we going to melt and forge this?"
Ah... I totally forgot. Yuu growled at me and said," There's a blacksmith who lives in this forest, if we can find him; maybe he can help us forge this."
"Ah, that's good."
So here's our next problem, we have to find this blacksmith who lives in the forest, which I don't even know how he lives in the forest... there's only one volcano in this region so he must live near the volcano right?
I was right, he live on the other side of the volcano, when we knock on the door, there came a tall, bearded man looking down on us. To be honest, I was really scared at first, but the blacksmith man seems very nice. He told us that we can use his tools as long as he is on watch and that his name is Harry.
With that problem solved, Yuu and I hurried back to the mine only to find that coal has crumbled. I guess it couldn't hold its form for a long period of time.
We tried many times trying to get coals over to Harry's place but it only crumbles when we get there. After so many tries, we kind of gave up on that idea and started to think of another one. That's when Yuu finally thought of one," Since we can't get it to the blacksmith, we must go deeper into the mine since it gets hotter and hotter."
"That is a crazy idea and that we might faint from heat exhaustion but I'm willing to give it a try."
Yuu gave me an "I-know-what-to-do-here" smile along the way, as soon as the place started to get hotter, Yuu immediately put up a barrier.
"Ah, so that we don't faint, that's very nice of you Yuu."
"Thanks, you're just lucky I know how to expand this barrier and keep it on for a long period of time."
I only chuckle and look on ahead, we were almost at the core of the mine, I can see the wind pressure forcing onto the barrier.

SpringIce 19, 1951
It was already the next day when we finally reach the core; I put the coal out of the barrier and hope that it works. Five minutes past and it hasn't crumble yet, I decided to pick it up, wearing my heat protective [ enchanted ] knuckles and gave it a punch. It didn't take that punch very well, it feels like I just gave it a light tap and already it shattered. Before I gave up, I notice a few tiny pieces of Pure Silver mix in with the coal; I stood up and turn over to Yuu," Yuu! There's still-"
"No... look Edan," He pointed at the walls as I glance at the wall I saw coals that was already hardened and shattered leaving Pure Silvers on the wall. It was a beautiful view.
I told Yuu that he needs to split the barriers so that I can climb. Luckily, he also knows how to do that. I climb the walls and started picking the Pure Silvers off piece by piece. After we got plentiful of Pure Silver for the sword and Harry, we hurried to the blacksmith's place and told him we got the material. He didn't seem surprised, though. After he checks the Pure Silvers, he chuckled a bit and said that we got his permission to make a sword. Now here is the third problem, even though I know the basic from watching, it was hard to melt Pure Silver, Harry on the other hand, knows how to melt Pure Silver. He decides to teach me on what to do and what not to do. After I melt the Pure Silver, I pour it on to the platform and weld it. I finally start to forge it. Harry provided me with the other material I needed for a sword.
The day past on as I got tired, Harry decided to give me a break and told me that he'll finish the job for me and that he'll be done tomorrow. He also let me and Yuu sleep in his bed. How nice!

SpringIce 20, 1951
Harry woke us up today saying that the sword is complete. I quickly got up and ran out to the room and there it was a Pure Silver sword. It seems to shine everywhere, even the handle! Harry said he smelt it from gold. In the middle of the handle was a nicely place diamond shape ruby. From the way the Pure Silver looks, it seems like I made it fine, a very well balanced sword for Luka. Not too heavy nor light with a tip of a dagger on the end of the handle for extra killing power, I felt like crying just looking at my own masterpiece... well... kind of my own masterpiece, Harry helped me on a lot so I can only give my credits to him. Harry was kind enough to even head back to the village with us and made an excuse that he invited us to help him on something important so that Yuu doesn't get in that MUCH trouble. I look around for Luka who dash to hug me, tears was coming out of her eyes. She was that worried?
I apologize to her and handed the sword to her, she seems surprised at first but was very happy to accept it.
I finally finish the day off with a cold bath and went to sleep.

[ Missing Pages ]

SummerIce 36, 1952 - Age 6
I've been getting up early just to see Luka practice her sword [ swinging ] for some reason, I don't know why, but every time I watch her, it makes me feel calm. Her stances are beautiful. Not only her stances are beautiful but it seems like her face has gotten prettier for some reason. Whenever I stare at her far away for a long time, my face seems to get redder. That's what Yuu tells me anyway.

SummerIce 37, 1952
Now I can't stop thinking of her, every time I just think of her, it feels like my heart could burst and that would be a very ugly sight if it actually did. Yuu is not going to help me because I already know his freaking answer, dense my ass.
Why do I have to figure out everything myself?
I also can't sleep in the same bed with her now, so I had to sleep on the couch for a while.

SummerIce 38, 1952
It seems like I've degenerated back into birth, I can't even talk to Luka anymore, oh maker help me; don't tell me that I have a Luka syndrome! No! How do I cure this? I must ask Luka who spread it to me in the first place, but how can I? I can't even get close to her. My body automatically hide when it sense Luka nearby. ARGH! I hate this!

SummerIce 39, 1952
Luka seemed to notice my weird behavior, now she won't stop looking and bothering me, I can't say I'm angry though. But since Luka won't stop trying to get close to me, I had to go to Harry's place and stay there. I told him the situation and he only laughed at me and said the same thing Yuu said but he still let me stay with him until I find the solution.

SummerIce 40, 1952
I woke up early so that I can go and watch Luka though I kind of failed at that, Harry's house was all the way behind the volcano and my village was like 12 miles away. Pain in the ass I tell you, I wish Yuu was here so that he could teleport me back to the village. By the time I got back, Luka was already finished, or so I thought. When I came to the place where she was practicing, she wasn't there, instead she was behind me, scared the hell out of me. When I was about to run, when Luka made a tight grip on my shirt and pulled me upward.
"I finally caught you Edan!" Her voice was mix in with excitement and wariness. I have to say she is quite the hench, with just one arm she can lift me up from the ground like a bag of sugar. Now I don't know which I'm more afraid of, being choked to death or being so close to Luka. "Why are you avoiding me?" She murmurs to herself.
"W-what...?" I tried to talk back even though it felt like my lungs were blocked.
"Is it because something I did, why are you avoiding me, Edan?!” Luka began to yell, she seems to think that shaking me will make me answer her.
"Aaahh...! I d-don’t know w-what y-you’re talking about L-Luka!" I grab her arm hoping that I could somehow get her to stop grabbing my shirt so tight. "You've been avoiding me Edan, why? Do you hate me?" Tears began flooding out of her eyes but her hand was still strong to keep me up still.
"N-no Luka, I don't... hate you..." I said to her and whisper quietly," I think..."
Suddenly she drops me and fell to her knees, bursting with tears and there I was... just lying on the ground, I just... don't know what to say. What can I do to make her stop crying? I don't understand! When the world was dark, I felt a heavy force pushing down on me, my back hit the ground and as I open my eyes I saw a pink slim line as it falls down on my face, my neck feels warm as if someone was wrapping their arms around me. It took me a while but I finally realize she was embracing me; I couldn't help but to hug her back...

SummerIce 41, 1952
Woo! My Luka syndrome is gone, I never felt happier!
Well it's kind of gone. I was so happy that I actually dare to challenge Yuu and I still won, hah! Take that Yuu!
"What's wrong with you today Edan?" Yuu ask in despair. I just look and smirk at him and walk away. Yuu followed me back to my house as we were getting ready to celebrate... for something. I don't really know the mayor just suddenly announce that today we're going to have a celebration on... something.
"It's the celebration of the two kings of the Order and Legion." Luka answered me.
"Oh... wait what?"
Yuu slap himself and tried to say it with more details," The two kings suddenly announced that they are going to live in peace with each other and have decided to trade with each other in hope of..." Yuu seems to be unable to say the last word.
"Peace?" I finished the sentence for him, he nodded at me and said," Well then, we better hurry out to the plaza shall we? Don't want to be late."
Luka and I agreed and we quickly ran to the plaza.

[ Missing Pages ]

WinterIce 12, 1953 - Age 8
od uoy kniht taht ew lliw etarepes renoos ro retal?
Heh, sorry, it's been a long time since I use the Rivila language and it seems like I'm still good at it as always. I saw some books that I use to have in the Rivila language and it reminded me that I actually know how to use this language though I don’t even know which race this alien tongue comes from. I've been using it for the whole day that nobody understands me except for Yuu. Luka though I was going crazy and took me to a therapist, I happily went along and started talking to the therapist in the Rivila language, he got so angry and kick us out, thinking that it was all a prank. I was happy that he didn't give us a bill. I also told Luka not to worry about it and that I was only using the Rivila language and went to Yuu's house.
"yeh uuY," I calmly said,"tahw era uoy gniod?"
He just gazes at me and replied,"m'i gniyduts t'nod uoy ees?"
"Damn! You knew it too!" I flew into a rage for at least two seconds. Yuu snickered at me," You thought I didn’t know the Rivila language? I studied it for two years; however you did do a good job on surprising me though."
"Surprise you with what?"
"I didn't know that you knew the Rivila language. How did you learn it?"
"I was born with it; I just knew the language you know."
"Hm... amazing."
"What's amazing?"
"You were born knowing the Rivila language, hm, interesting, you do know that this Rivila language comes from the Rivals right?
"The Rival, who are they?"
"The Rival was once a powerful race who ruled over the entire planet before history even started, they say the Rival is the origin of our race."
"What happen to them?"
"They say that the Rival all died because “we” turn on them and hunt them to the brink of extinction. They say Rolf Harriet was curse to walk the lands for all eternity when he killed the last Rival.
"So, we're the reason why the Rivals are all dead?"
"Well you can't say that they're all dead, I mean, you might have a Rival as an ancestor for all I know.”
“But why did they kill all of the Rivals?”
“Probably because of greed for eternal life or just for power, I think killing off the Rivals was the beginning of all these greedy nations.”
“I think you’re right, does seem like the origin of all this power and greed.”
“Yes, you know like the Alias king and how he got killed?”
“Wait he was murdered? I thought he just died of old age.”
“Naaww, the Alias king was a healthy old man and everybody in the country loves him. They say he is… or was the greatest king to ever rule over the Alias race.”
“So… how did he die?”
“Nobody knows they keep on saying he died of old age.”
“… Hm.”
“ynayaw I deen ot og kcab ot yduts os esaelp evael,” Yuu said to me to and slam the book.
“thgirla ayc!” I greet him goodbyes and jump out of the window.
Hm, that is quite interesting but I do wonder how did the Alias king die? I can see why he was murdered since he was “the greatest king ever” but how did he died though… that really bothers me. There’s something wrong with this.

WinterIce 13, 1953
It seems like the “people” from the Alias castle are still keeping it secret about the king’s mysterious death. That leads to the other problem, because of the king’s death, a lot of people want to join his grave for some reason. Not everybody is happy with the two kingdoms. There has been a lot of suicide lately due to all those problems I just said, I just hope they don’t keep this up for the next seven years.
Luka seems to be a little bit suspicious of me; she probably thinks I’m planning on suicide too or something like that. Almost everything I do, she tries to stop me, now please explain to me on how dangerous a freaking eraser can be when it is rubbing against a paper. I can’t even use a damn eraser without Luka saying, “What are you doing with that eraser?!”
Gosh, you women are so weird!

WinterIce 15, 1953
Two days pass after all that “No wait Edan! Don’t do that Edan!” kind of things, Luka finally went back to herself and stop being so paranoid about everything. I’m really glad. Rather than that, I have to say that Luka’s sword skill has improved over these years, I really want to have a match with her someday but she always refuse to duel with me. I wonder what’s wrong, it’s not like she’s going to stab me… right? I haven’t had a match for a long time, so I decided to spar with Yuu and it seems that I either have been gone from matches for too long or Yuu have gotten really strong over my absent year. Our match ended in a tie and I can say that I’m proud to finally have a great match with someone who I can actually use my full strength on. Though I do have to say he’s cheating since he was the one who made my knuckles so he knows every single thing it does. Shame on him… or shame on me, I don’t really know which. After the match I thought of something, if Luka doesn’t want to spar with me, maybe she’ll spar with Yuu. With haste I walk toward Luka and said, “Luka! How about you and Yuu have a spar match together?”
“What? No way dude, I just had a match with you and it’s tiring, are you trying to kill me?” Yuu quickly protest. Luka gaze at me for a few second and responded, “If it’s what you want Edan, I’ll do it.” She turn away blushing, weird.
“Ah! That’s not fair Edan! You’re using her!!”
I laughed at him, “Too bad! You and Luka, match, tomorrow, at least I’m being generous now.”
Yuu started to grumble and walk back to his house. I chuckle a bit and look at Luka, even though I’m not sparing with her, I’m very excited to see how much she improved. “Good luck Luka, I have high hopes in you.” I told her and walk away. Luka stood there staring at the sky, wondering what just happened.
I walk home and jump on the bed, agitated.

WinterIce 16, 1953
It seems that I was too excited; I barely got a wink of sleep yesterday. But at least I’m still awake so that’s fine. It was today! The match between Yuu and Luka:
There those two stood on the arena, though the match have already started; they were like roots sticking down onto the ground, observing and thinking what to do once someone started attacking. Luka pulled out her sword and made the first move, Yuu quickly responded and jump back before Luka could lacerate him. The tip of the sword had only touch the ground and yet it made a giant dent on the arena. Yuu was amazed but he couldn’t let his guard down for he knows if he gets hit with that sword, it might be his last battle. With haste, Luka took a charged step forward Yuu and was prepared to do the same thing again. Yuu this time didn’t jump back; he quickly put up a protection barrier and uses Force to push Luka down. Luka did fall back down however, she quickly jump back up and went into defense.
Before any of them could make a move a voice rang out to them, “Okay, stop! That’s enough.” A voice that I never heard of, I turn back and saw a man, a person whom I never seen before. I wonder who he is. As he walks closer to us, he started clapping, “That was a very wonderful demonstration of skills you guys showed there.”
Yuu glared at him and growled, “And who might you be?”
“Woah! That’s not how you would talk to an adult.” He smirk at Yuu, already I didn’t like him, he turns and look at Luka, “And you there, a woman isn’t supposed to hold a sword so can you kindly hand that to one of your friend so that they can use it?”
Luka frowned at him, “No! This is a very special sword that Edan made for me; I will not give it to anybody else, especially a dirty disgusting pig like you!”
The man shook his head and stood in front of Luka, “Ch, a woman does not have the right to talk like that!” As he raises his hand, ready to slap Luka, I rush to his side and grab his hand, “Hey! You do not have the right to slap my woman, unless you want to go with me.”
“What? She is yours? Hah! Dream on, kid!” He forces his arm out of my grip and jump back, “You think that you, a kid, can defeat me?”
I crack my knuckles and smirk at him, “Oh, we’ll see.”
The man and I had a rather short match, a very short match, I only punch him once and he already fainted, how pathetic!
Yuu whistled and said, “Nice Edan, you teach that bastard a lesson.”
“Woah! Yuu! When did you start to cuss?”
“… Ever since I was born?” He jokes with me about what I said the other day. “Well anyway, I got to go; it’s getting pretty late, ees uoy retal nadE!” He waved good bye to me as he use a teleportation skill back to his house. I groan, “If he was able to teleport, then why did he just leave us here? Gosh, anyway, let’s go Luka.” I started to take a step forward when Luka suddenly grab my arm, “D-did you s-say that I-I was your w-w-woman?” Her face was redder than a freaking tomato! I didn’t know what was so wrong with that; I mean… she does live with me so that does make her my woman right? RIGHT? I just shrugged, grab her hand and walk home.

WinterIce 19, 1953
After that weird incident with that… crazy man, there seems to be a lot more of those crazy people in our village for some reason. When I ask one of the villagers, he said, “It seems like our territory has been taken by the Legions and now they are importing soldiers here to keep it “safe” for the good of the people.”
So in short, they import these yzarc people here so that they can freeload off of our [ women ], food supplies, and materials. How nice of the Legions to send us such nice soldiers. I have to thank them so much, really, because of them I get to be with Luka every day because she’s a woman with a sword and that makes every single soldier wanting to pick on her. I really thank you for that Mr. Legion, and if you can’t tell I’m being sarcastic, ugh…

[ Missing Pages ]

FallIce 01, 1953 – Age 8
It has been three months! Freaking 300 days!! These soldiers are starting to piss me off so badly. I’m so angry that I’m actually thinking about going to another village, I mean… just looking at the progress of the village now, I already know that this village is going get every single thing suck right out of them.
This place is going to hell.

[ Missing Pages ]

WinterIce 01, 1954 – Age 8
Today was a very hot day, I can say hot since our ROOF is actually burning down to the ground!
“Ah!” I screamed out and jump off the bed, Luka reacted to my shriek and also jump out of bed. When we went outside, the village was on fire, the Order was attacking. Before I can think about this war raging on here, the only thing I could think about is Yuu, “Oh no! Luka, we got to find Yuu!”
Luka just nod and told me to lead the way. We ran directly to Yuu’s house but it was already burned down, I fell on my knees and punch the ground, “Damn it! We were too late!”
“Wait, look Edan!” Luka said with a crooked smile, pointing right behind the house.
It was Yuu… he seems to be pulling something out, who cares, I quickly move beside him. Looking down below, there lay Yuu’s mother, under all those piles of stones and woods. Yuu was bursting with tears, “Mother! Please, I’ll get you out of here so please!! Don’t go!”
His mother only laid there and smiled, “Don’t worry about me Yuu… go on without me.”
“No!” Yuu yell out, trying to pull up all those piles of stones and woods but it was too heavy for him to pull up with that stamina of his not even his magic can help him now. Yuu’s mother then grabs my arm and said, “Please Edan, I beg of you, take Yuu to somewhere safe, I will be fine I promise you that.”
“No, you won’t be fine!” Yuu was acting too immature to his mother that even though she was on the verge of dying, she flew onto a rage, “You do not act like that, young man! You listen to what your mother say and you do it! Now go before I ground you again!” She frowned at him but as soon as she got his attention, she smiled, “Good… that’s better, now leave, I will be fine I promised. We’ll meet each other again someday, I know it.”
However, Yuu was on an emotional breakdown, he wouldn’t leave his mother’s side. I couldn’t let myself see more of this.
“Luka, grab Yuu and let’s get out of here.” Luka follow my order and grab Yuu by the back of his shirt and put him up to her shoulder. We ran as fast as we could, the only sound that left behind was the firing rage of the village and Yuu’s scream.
“Mother, NO!!”

WinterIce 02, 1954
After Yuu had finally settled down, we decided to go to Harry’s place hoping that his place hasn’t been raided yet. When we got to his door, he quickly opens and grabs us inside. He gave us a serious look and sigh in relive, “Thank the maker that you kids are still alive.”
Harry seems to know what was happening, I lift up my right eyebrows and said, “What is going on here? Didn’t they say that the Order and the Legion was going to live in peace without any war at all?”
“That is just the outside news my boy.” He walks toward his wooden chair and sat on it, “What you just saw was one of the secret wars; I just never expected to be your village…”
“A secret war?” Luka repeated his words.
“Yes, those are the wars that the factions keep secret to everybody and especially the kings and queens.”
“So what does this mean?” Yuu question him, Harry only shook his head and reply, “You won’t need to find out, never look further into this or else you must be as well as a dead man. Now come on, I’ll lead you to a town in the Order territory, that place is better than a Legion territory.”
Yes, I can see that very well.
We didn’t ask him anymore question but just follow.
When we got there, the place was nothing like our village, the road was built with “cement stones” instead of just dirt and the houses and stores were made out of “Pure stones”, making this place a lot cleaner and richer than anywhere else. “So in short, this whole place was made out of “something” stones?” Luka shorten the details, which kind of made this place look dull now. A town made out of stones, weird. But then a thought just hit me, “Where are we going to live? This place seems very expensive and I don’t think I brought any coins or even gold with me.”
Harry laughed at me and answered, “Don’t worry kid, I got it all covered.”

WinterIce 03, 1954
We stay at an Inn since Harry said that he needed to contact one of his “boys” to make an arrange meeting with him to talk about this “place” that we’re going to be staying.
Harry came back for us and led us to a place outside of town; it was a nicely made house with Rosetta stone, that’s what Luka says though. I think this house is a freaking lighthouse for the maker’s sake. It shines everywhere oh my goodness! I hope it doesn’t glitter itself at night. We check the inside of it and it seems pretty decent on the inside, not all sparkly as it is on the outside. What’s even best is that there are three bedrooms, hurrah! A bedroom on my own once again, I feel like I’ve accomplish a part of my life. After all the looking around the house thing, I found a door that lead out to the backyard. I was amazed, there were dummies for magic training and… whatever that thing is call for sword training! Wait… what about me?
Harry put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, “Look to your left.” I did as he said and move my head to the left and saw a… is that what I see? It’s a freaking punching bag!
Harry knew what I was thinking so he walks toward the punching bag and punches it with all his might. I thought it was going to break at first, but it seems perfectly fine.
“Nice isn’t it? The bag is made with Rough Leather and is filled with Pure Crystals.”
… I was about to cry, such a beautiful hand-made punching bag, just for me. It’s like the best present I ever got… rather than my enchanted knuckles that is. Luka and Yuu also seem happy that they got themselves training gears and when they were distracted, Harry crouch down to me and said in a low tone, “These training gears aren’t just for fun, I was you to be prepared, with stuff happening like this, I want you guys to be ready as quick as possible so that you’ll be able to fight back.”
I didn’t say a word, or rather; I couldn’t say a word at all, only nodding to his words. Harry then rub my head like a pet and said, “Alright, you’re a good kid so don’t forget what I just said; now it is time for me to leave.” He stood up and walk out of the front door. We all wave goodbyes.
The night was a little bit awkward since the wall made it look like I was looking at the stars. It was very pretty but that didn’t help me get any sleep.

WinterIce 05, 1954 – Age 9
Birthday, yay.
It was about to be just me, Yuu, and Luka again but it seems like the townsfolk was nice enough to throw a welcome and birthday party for us. For once, I felt really good celebrating my birthday with other people. Or maybe they were celebrating the holiday…
Other than that, there wasn’t really anything special rather than that I got a lot of presents from every single person in town. They were really nice, I don’t even know them and yet they’re still generous to give me gifts. I can’t say the gifts suck though. Not that they are! woh edur !

WinterIce 06, 1954
I noticed that Harry’s been coming to visit us a lot and everybody in town seems to know Harry. I wonder if he used to live here. Oh well, no time to be picky!

[ Missing Pages ]

FallIce 89, 1955 – Age 10
It’s been 184 days since the incident of our village and all I can say is that I’m very happy that the place got burn down to the place, never like the place anyway. Yuu is still mourning his mother’s death in a good way of course and Luka is… well… Luka!
It surprises me that I haven’t gone to explore this town and its forest after all this 184 days I never took a step inside the forest. How weird.
I guess I will have a look at it right? And yes I do count my days, you got a problem with that? It’s how I learn my math skills!

FallIce 90, 1955
Before I decide to go do some exploring, I decided to ask the people in town about the forests. They said that the forest is very dangerous and that I shouldn’t even take a step inside that forest. When I ask why, they said, “An ancient artifact is seal somewhere in the cavern of Shylem, we tried to get it once but all of the soldiers who were sent there never came back.”
An ancient artifact that is so important to the goddess Shylem that she protects it with full force? Nice…
Shylem is the goddess of liars, so in other terms, she is the one who watches over the ones who lie. Isn’t that nice? Your own goddess of lies, maybe I’ll try to find this “ancient artifact” and take it for my own. But wouldn’t that be for my own greed? Oh well, ton ekil i erac!

[ the bottom of the page was rip off ]

To the people who might be confused about this but this is a "kind of" journal ( as Edan would say ) so it is Edan who is writing of this daily life or the important stuff he writes in his 'journal'
The prologue and epilogue will be the only time when you actually read his diary. The story will progress in Edan's point of view.

The Rivila language is just the words backward if it confuses you.
Any type of gold/silver/etc. with the word "Pure" is a lot stronger than the original.
Rough Leather = Leather that is... rough o-o just... a lot more durable lol :]

The other thing I want you to know is that the age might be a little but too exotic but I actually got that from where I live, kids these days are taking things too seriously, everyday I can see 2nd graders or lower just cussing out on the street and I thought "If they already know these words and seeing who they are now, I think they know how to live but themselves." Though I was kind of wrong, that's how it looks to me.
And if you actually go to this in our real time, they're already older than 3 ( or 4 ) since their days are 150 each season. The journal on the other hand would be a very old book if we read it from this year so there will be papers crumbling and pages ripped off so try to imagine a very old and worn-out journal.

Q: What genre is this rather than Fantasy?

A: It is also a romance/comedy, just minus most of the romance. I place this in the Fantasy section since there's no Romance/Comedy section and I think the Fantasy section would work better since it does take place in my imagination.

E's Diary - Prologue Part 2

Heya Roal,

O.K, well it seems like a perfectly good idea. I love it when writers give their settings cool names like Awa. However, the nit picks are what I'm here to sort out.

Firstly,

It was the year 1947 in the world of Awa; these weren't the happiest days of our life.

It might be better if you didn't have the semi-colon in there and when you say "it was the year", explain that a bit. Try something like: It was in the year 1947, not exactly the happiest days of our life in Awa.
Just placing an "in" in front of "the year was" explains that someone is talking about what has happened.

Secondly,

After the Alias king died

O.K, I'm already confused, is this a person? Or a word that accidentally got a capital letter? You need to explain that to. Who is he? What kind of king was he? How did he die? Something like that so the reader can picture him.

Thirdly, you keep changing tenses,
[quoteI was three so I never understand the suffering hell][/quote]
Understand should be understood.

Fourthly,

after two bloody wars, it finally ended with two winners both kings decided to split the land

Read the last half of this sentence from the comma. It doesn't make sense. You need to rewrite this. Try: it finally ended with two winners, the Order and the Legion. Both kings decided to...
I know you mentioned the kingdoms later and this probably messes it up but it makes it flow better.

Take these points into consideration and rewrite it. There are some more nit picks, but I haven't got time to review them. Sorry. Post up the rewrite and PM me to review it if you want.
X BlackRose X

Woo! Only the first part and already I've made a whole bunch of mistakes, happy days!
It's not like I'm angry or anything but thanks for those grammar fix :]
I can never check grammar problems for some reason D:

Hey...I like the idea, sounds good and interesting. So I'm interested in how you develop it Well you don't have issues in grammar, that I'm aware of, but there are just some spelling mistakes in the last paragraph.

But most people never really bothered about it,

Today can be considered a sunny day even during the times of war.

Sooo can't wait to read the first chapter xxxxx

Al3xx wrote:Hey...I like the idea, sounds good and interesting. So I'm interested in how you develop it Well you don't have issues in grammar, that I'm aware of, but there are just some spelling mistakes in the last paragraph.

But most people never really bothered about it,

Today can be considered a sunny day even during the times of war.

Sooo can't wait to read the first chapter xxxxx

Oh, that's where you're going my friend :] This IS the first chapter if you would prefer to call a prologue a chapter ( I don't ) I just haven't upload the other rest yet 8D

In fact! I just upload the rest of the prologue PART 1 :L

Excellent

Hey Roal, Pink here!
Thanks for the request!
So, honestly, you have a pretty big piece here so my first instinct would be to tell you to cut this into two parts. Having such long pieces can really scare away readers and reviewers. So maybe Chapter one part 1 and chapter one part 2, seems like the way to go.
Now, I'll get started with some nitpick and then move on to the overall. *Cracks knuckles*

Nitpicks

both kings decided to split the land and live in harmonies.

I think you meant, live in harmony.

A war that only the factions know, nobody else knows, not even the king of the Order and the Legion.

Repetition. I suggest you take out the 'nobody else knows'.

"Where are we going?" I said

When there are questions being quoted, I recommend you use 'asked' instead of said.

and heavy breaths, seeing him stop at the edge of the point I also stop.

This should be stopped. Remember to use the correct tense when writing, otherwise we all get confused >.<

"It is quite beautiful alright," I reply as I went beside him to see the view.

I advise you to start new lines every time a new character speaks. That also means less confusion with who is speaking.

Wow Yuu, I’m actually amaze that you’re not out of breath yet, I mean look at me, I’m freaking tired like hell!”

*amazed

I’m freaking tired like hell!”

Lol, I don't mean to be technical, but hell cannot be tired.

“Well I can endure a lot if it’s something I really want to do.”

Comma after well.

"I don't know who you are and why you suddenly pop out of nowhere and into my doorstep! But first let's get this one thing; I save your behind from freezing to death so you should thank me for that."

Whoa, he's four years old! Even if he's lived a hard, mature life, I don't think he should be saying things like that. I suggest you make sure he sounds he age and consider the things he's gone though. I could see him as cynical and harsh but not too harsh.

Luka, huh? That's a pretty nice name it seems to match her, I think.

You forgot the quotes.

My head is clouded with many mistaken thoughts, "Wait... you don't usually act like this?"

Act like what? I mean, she hasn't really done anything yet...

"Doing what?" She said in a serious tone, "Because I'm a woman?! Is that it?"

She's a girl not a woman. She's only five or four? Honestly speaking now, I don't think you've matched their attitudes with the correct age.

It has been two weeks since Luka came onto my doorstep and she and I have been living together, though the elders insist that Luka should live with another family, I told them I could take care of her and myself and that it'll be fine on my own.

This is highly unbelievable. How does a four year take care of a four year old? Does he even work? How does he have a home? food? Where is it all coming from? You should really explain all that.

So I'm going to stop nitpicking here because I'm finding a lot of the same mistakes and there's no point in nitpicking all of them. So I'll just skip to the overall.

Plot
Alright, so I liked your opener. It some neat plot building and all and I was like, cool, war! But then you go into the child's perspective and I was thinking you were just going to mention a little bit and then have him grow up and join the war or something. Anyways, I still like the whole diary aspect here, it's neat and adding in the missing pages is even cooler. My main critique with the plot is the slow movement here. You drag on a little bit and I found myself skimming over a few dates and just reading what I found interesting. So, I guess my suggestion would be to get some action in here or give us a hint of the real plot so we don't get bored.


Characters
My main problem with the characters was the realism here. I know it's a fantasy story and some things can be changed but you still need some strong bases before digging into your writing. For instance, I was really bothered by the children's attitude. Four/five years don't act that way and even if he is an orphan, it doesn't explain most of his behavior. Luka too, she randomly appears on his front doorstep and they end up living together and it's really weird because they don't even know each other. Half the time, he's acting like a seventeen year-old or someone much older. Then, I have to go back and check the year to make sure I hadn't missed anything. In the end, I suggest you go back and make sure your characters a believable.

Grammar/punctuation
Alright, so I noticed that there were some comma errors here and there. I suggest you go through and double check them or brush up with some quick studying lesson or something. Also, there were some typos and stuff but it's nothing a good look over won't fix. Mainly, I suggest you add more description. I found that it was basically written quite fast, like events just happened one after another and there wasn't much emotion or descriptions to connect ourselves with the characters. Also, a lot of this was 'he did this' and 'she did that'. Use more imagery and vary up the way actions are executed to make scenes fun to read and nice to picture.


Overall
Now, with all that being said, I can see some potential in here. If you cut a few things out, paste a few things in and add some spice and sugar, paint a more realistic picture, I think you might have something interesting going on. Just stay on track and remember to keep things balanced. Use more descriptions and emotions to bring your story to life. Well, this part is quite short, I apologize for that. But, I did think that the ending part was probably the best and it was written a little better. That's all I have to say, hopefully I helped a little Sorry if I sounded any bit harsh

~Shear

Heya Roal

I'm sorry I've gotten to this late. It's just that I've had a lot of review requests lately and I've been trying to keep up with them. I'm finally here though, so I'll get onto it! I won't mention any nit-picks, mainly because I'm in a bit of a rush and it would probably take me long to do so. Besides, the grammar overall in this seems pretty good. If I did find any, they weren't anything that couldn't be fixed. If you read over the piece out loud, I think that you'd be able to spot where there are some errors. PinkShearwater has beaten me to most of the nit-picks, anyway!

The first thing I'd like to mention is the fact that this piece is very long. By the sound of it, this was originally posted as a prologue, but you then added on the chapter. I'd advise you to post chapters separate. For example, you should post the second chapter in a different thread. I'm advising this simply because long pieces of work can put reviewers off a lot. Therefore, you might not get as many reviews as you could potentially get.

My main critique for this piece is probably that I feel you could have brought some more things to life. By that, I mean that I would have liked to have seen some more descriptions and some more emotions. It kind of feels like you're writing because you want to get a load of things out and tell us what's happening, instead of showing us what's going on and really making us feel as though we're in the stories ourselves. You need to make sure that you give us readers enough time to grasp and understand what's going on before moving the story onwards. A very good way of doing that is by adding in some vivid descriptions. Don't get me wrong, there were some descriptions in this. It just felt as though I would have liked for you to have added some more. Like PinkShearwater said, it can sometimes feel that you're saying he did this and she did that an awful lot. It kind of gives the story a bit of a repetitive feeling at times.

Something else I'd like to bring up is another thing that PinkShearwater said. Your characters. As a whole, they are pretty interesting to read about and they do seem to have their own unique personalities. It's just that they're not quite as believable as I think they really should be. One of the main problems I found with your characters was actually some of their dialogue. This story is set in the 1940's - 50's, right? I found that a lot of the dialogue wasn't 1940 - 50ish. There were some parts especially where I thought that the dialogue was too modern. If you read over this, you should be able to spot areas where the dialogue isn't as realistic as it could be when it comes to the date this is set in.

As for your characters themselves, it didn't really seem as though the POV you were writing in were the ages he was supposed to be in. He especially seemed older when he was supposed to be the younger ages, like four. I have to be honest and say that I don't really see many four year olds behaving, and especially thinking, the way he does. I did find reading through his eyes interesting and it didn't get boring. I just feel that I didn't find it as real as I could have. It was mostly the way he was speaking, I think.

SummerFrost 14, 1948 - Age 3
"Come on!" The boy yelled at me as I tried to keep up with him. "Where are we going?" I asked, taking in deep and heavy breaths, seeing him stop at the edge of the point I also stopped.
"Isn't it beautiful, Edan?" he said in excitement as he stood at the edge of Point Lookout. Ah… Point Lookout, the tallest mountain in this area, most people use this place to spy or look out for enemies, hence the name Point Lookout. But when you’re not here to spy or on the lookout, this place can also be a great view.
"It is quite beautiful alright," I reply as I went beside him to see the view. “Wow Yuu, I’m actually amazed that you’re not out of breath yet, I mean look at me, I’m freaking tired as hell!”
“Well, I can endure a lot if it’s something I really want to do.”
Yuu is my best friend, or I would say, my first friend. Kids here aren't the nicest people here, you know.
After all the viewing we had, we decided to head back to the village. Yuu's mother was so worried about him, thinking that he ran away to where his father was, the battlefield. It's a good thing I don't have parents, hah!

Here's a good example of what I mean. This is the very beginning of the chapter. You said that your MC was three years old here, yet he was using words like freaking, beautiful, hell. Most three year olds struggle to string a sentence together, let alone use slang like freaking. If you hadn't mentioned him being three years old, I would have definitely assumed that he was a teenager. I also got that impression because of the way he understood what he was being told. For example, he knew what the word endure meant. I don't know many three year olds who know that.

Negatives aside, I can definitely see some potential in this piece. It's an interesting first chapter and prologue and I do think that this could end up being something really great. Although your characters are a tad bit unbelievable, they are interesting to read about and I cna see the progressing well.I like the diary entry style, although I did skip the odd paragraph now and then because I didn't find them completely necessary. All that you need to do is to maybe cut some parts out, expand the description in others, and edit this up a bit. If you do that, I can easily see this being a really great piece to read. I think that the plot of this could be good.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Alo Roal, I haven't done this in ages, so I probably missed tons of things but oh well. Before I start, it sounds like a great story! I look forward to reading the rest! And like Blackrose said, we're here to sort out the nitpicks

I'm not in neither of the kingdom.

firstly, i think it should be kingdoms I think you should either say "I'm not in either of..." or "I'm in neither of the..."

After all the viewing we had,

Describe the view a bit more, were they looking out over the ocean, or a forest, etc.

She glances around the place, scanning, and wondering where she is. When she came to her senses she quickly sat up and yelled, "Where am I?![

You can leave out the first she wonders where she is, also, since it's written from Edan's point of view it seems as if he knows what's going on in her mind, which might be what you were aiming for, but it seems awkward. And describe the place a bit more, what kind of house was it? was it barely decorated, was it empty, big small etc.

"I'm asking the question here so shut up!"

questions

"Sorry for disturbing you all of the sudden but you see, my family and I were traveling here hoping to find peace but bandits attacked us. I'm probably the only one alive, right now."

It seems as if she doesn't care much, her whole family might have died, wouldn't she be sadder? Unless there is something we don't know yet...

It was the late morning; I seem to doze off a lot these days. I remembered what happen yesterday and quickly...

What does he mean he seems to doze off a lot? Did he oversleep? And it should be happened.

Oh, it's just Luka playing with the boys... wait what?!

She doesn't know whether her parents are dead or alive, doesn't she want to try and find them or something? Unless, I say again,there is something we don't know yet. Describe the road a bit more.

Women are always treated like they are weak, that someone [ men ] need to lead the way for them or else they'll be lost

I think he should take a little longer to process the thought his theory about women is wrong.

one: I'm older than five and have parents living here also or two: that I know how to cook, hunt, and farm.

try to mention how old he is earlier, secondly, earlier you say that Edan doesn't have parents, but here you say he has living parents there... someone else's? And I'm not too sure what the 'or' is doing there

Unfortunately I don't have parent...Beside now I have someone I can work with.

parents and Besides

Luka and I was working on gathering firewood when I notice Yuu skipping his farm work, Yuu also seem to notice me. He came closer to me and asks,

umm...I'm not too sure how to change/fix the part in red, but I think its supposed to be something like "Luca and I were gathering firewood" After that, noticed then, seemed then asked. Anyway, I have to go now, but I'll be back tomorrow to review the rest.

guess wat?!? I'm back to review the rest mwahahahahahahaaa *continues evil laugh, but to lazy to type it*

because of what happened, with us ditching work and going coming here

OR

...with us ditching work and going here there

Now that I think of it, it has been a year since I've seen Yuu, because of what happen with us ditching work and going here,Yuu was grounded to study magic and spells ( for protection ).........Yuu was once again yelled at and grounded.

The red part, you have to explain it a bit more, I didn't understand it at all until you got to the part where Yuu is grounded and has to study... Actually I think you should leave the whole sentence out, since you repeat it later. But then you have to add what he is studying at a later stage, such as when Edan sneaks into the Yuu's house

When we got back, it seems like Yuu's mother have had created assembled/found/enlisted ect. a search team for to find Yuu

I think you should leave out the seems like bit, it sounds better without it, but if you want to leave it in, rather say "It seemed like" Also, replace created, it sounds almust as if she created the team like she would create a pot out of clay.

It seems like I've dosed off again

but it has just have one bed because I'm the only one living there

Since Luka moved in, I had to give up my bed and move onto the couch,

Where did Edan get a house, or the couch or the bed etc. You already explained how he lives alone, but surely there are tons of other people who also want a house, or atleast another house for some strange reason, and they would have no problem kicking a five year old out. Also, somewhere you said Edan is over five, so how old is he

I can't believe Yuu haven't hasn't run away yet

"Don't say it," Yuu put down his book and look at me," You wouldn't know because you never have parents so you don't know that they only do this because they care about you."

Are you sure a five year old would think this?

After Yuu finished his vulgar speech, I didn't reply back, not because I didn't know what to say, it was because his loud voice attracted his mother so I had to run away.

This seems very sudden, try and add the impact that Yuu's speech had on Edan. Or if it didn't have any impact, just add something to make it seem... not so sudden

After that, I kind of dosed off until night-time,

It has been three days since the day that I finally got Yuu angry, though I may sound like a jerk, I kind of felt a sense of accomplishment to finally hear him yell at me. Now I can't wait for him to challenge me into some kind of duel for some reason. In fact, I felt so accomplish that I seems to accept an offer from

Find another word to replace the second accomplish, it doesn't make sense...

they are flowers that can only be found of at Point Lookout ,if you didn't know what they are...... I gave it to her and asked.......
She only answersed with the same thing she said to me last time.

Sorry, I have to go again...I'll review the rest later, I would suggest that you post something smaller next time, cut it in half. And I say again, this story has some real potential...but I think you should rethink Edan's age, it just creates soooo many problems, and its difficult to write about kids that young, and readers find it difficult to relate to.

I would say that I'm happy that I'm sleeping on the couch but my heart seems to ache.

Wow isn't that a little deep for a five year old?

Yuu seemsed surprised at first then he smiled.

Yuu only laughed at me,

Before I go on to the next part, it sounds like Luca is in-love with Edan... at five years old? And how does she know how to make a ring?

so it goes like fall or summer or the other two seasons, the extra word describe the year.

I get what you're trying to say but my word its confusing! You should just say that its how you write it, otherwise its very confusing.

Oh, about my relationship with Luka, she finally has the guts to actually be near me now. It's like teaching a baby how to walk and talk, its very difficultvery hard.

Relationship? Big words for small children! I think you should make Edan at least twelve.

I’m actually more amazed on how she was about to avoid me in for these 93 days or so.

people within the age of 16sixteen(Always try to write out the number in full) or over must choose which nation they must join or else

I don\t think you should mention that, since Edan isnt sixteen or over yet, it might confuse some people.

The newspapers these days are so colorful

At least they kept the colors off of the Order and the Legion.

huh?

"Say, you guys are quite calm even though everyone is in a panic, does that mean you guys have already decided who you're going to join?"

Im confused now, is he over sixteen?

I just noticed something

She must be embarrassed that she actually likes making girly stuff

I don't want to get my ass burned by a guy who I beat over the last year.

I guess she's pretending to be a knight in shining armors armour.

I can give her a gift since she always does so many things for me and I never show any appreciation.

Again I say, isn't that a bit deep for a five year old? If he is five years old, I'm not sure anymore. You should make it clearer.

I said and grabed his arm and proceed further into the forest.

"A sword, of course!”
"A sword? Oh no, this is the wrong place, these are coals man! They can’t be used as weapons; they won’t melt and will shatter if you smash them."

A five year old that knows how to make a sword? Really? Sigh. This is taking forever my word! I have to go again, I'll be back to review the rest soon.

Thank you all for reviewing ^-^
I really appreciate it.
Oh and to Reuben A, this is a fantasy novel so please don't make too much of the fuzz just because of their age. I mean they would be a lot older since their time is different. :]

ooki I won't worry too much about the age, but I still think you should tell us how old they are in our years, maybe by saying how many months they are...or something. sorry I havn't been able to review the rest yet, we ran out of Bandwidth so I couldn't come on But Im back mwahahahahaha

Yuu and I decided to stop for a moment for we were hungry and tired;

Describe what they were doing a bit more, were they picking up random coal pieces and hitting them, or were they digging for the coal etc.

he and I had a ferocious fight...He and I decided to take a nap and work at night where when the temperature is cooler. When we woke up, it was already the late midnight so we hurried and went back to work.

You repeat He and I, I would say replace the one with we.

After many lots of searching

OR

After many searches

which I don't even know how he lives in the forest.

.. there's only one volcano in this region so he must live near the volcano right?
I was right, he lived or lives on the other side of the volcano, when we knocked on the door, there out came a tall, bearded man looking down on us. To be honest, I was really scared at first, but the blacksmith man seems very nice.
He told us that we can use his tools as long as he is on watch, and that his name is Harry.
With that problem solved, Yuu and I we hurried back to the mine only to find that coal has crumbled. I guess it couldn't hold its form for a long period of time.
We tried many times trying to get coals over to Harry's place but it only each one crumbles when as we get there. After so many tries, we kind of gave up on that idea and started to think of another one. That's when Yuu finally thought of one," Since we can't get it to the blacksmith, we must go deeper into the mine since it gets hotter and hotter."
"That is a crazy idea and that we might faint from heat exhaustion but I'm willing to give it a try."
Yuu gave me an "I-know-what-to-do-here" smile along the way as we went down, as soon as the place started to get hotter, Yuu immediately (you already say as soon as the place started to get hotter) put up a magical barrier.
"Ah, so that we don't faint, that's very nice of you Yuu."
"Thanks, you're just lucky I know how to expand this barrier and keep it on for a long period of time."
I only chuckled and looked on ahead, we were almost at the core of the mine, I can could see the wind pressure forcing onto the barrier.

SpringIce 19, 1951
It was alreadythe next day when we finally reached the core; I put the coal out of the barrier and hoped that it works. Five minutes past and it hasn't hadn't crumbled yet, I decided to pick it up, wearing my heat protective [ enchanted ] knuckles and gave it a punch. It didn't take that punch very well, it feels like I just gave it a light tap and already it shattered. Before I gave up, I noticed a few tiny pieces of Pure Silver mix in with the coal; I stood up and turned over to Yuu," Yuu! There's still-"
"No... look Edan," He pointed at the walls as I glance at the wall I saw coals that was already hardened and shattered leaving Pure Silvers on the wall. It was a beautiful view.
I told Yuu that he needsed to split the barriers so that I can climb. Luckily, he also knows how to do that. I climbed the walls and started picking the Pure Silvers off piece by piece. After we got plentiful of Pure Silver for the sword and Harry, we hurried to the blacksmith's place and told him we got the material. He didn't seem surprised, though. After he checksed the Pure Silvers, he chuckled a bit and said that we got his permission to make a sword. Now here is the third problem, even though I know the basics from watching, it was hard to melt Pure Silver, Harry on the other hand, knows how to melt Pure Silver. He decidesd to teach me on what to do and what not to do. After I melted the Pure Silver, I poured it on to onto the platform and welded (That sounds strange, not sure what's wrong with it though) it. I finally started to forge it. Harry provided me with the other material I needed for a sword.
The day past on as I got tired, Harry decided to give me a break and told me that he'll finish the job for me and that he'll be done tomorrow. He also let me and us sleep in his bed. How nice!

Oki, I'm not going to go through each word, but you can see the kind of mistakes you make, most of it has to do with tenses. I assume your first language isn't English? Mine isn't either You get used to it eventually and get the grammar 'skills' and stuff with time, lots of practise and even more reading. Here's a very good site to help you: http://www.ego4u.com/en/cram-up/grammar/tenses
Besides a few grammar mistakes, and my thing-y with the ages that's pretty much everything.