ryanke07 wrote:There is something to be said
for those times when the sky
seems as crisp as the huckleberry pie
she made for you when you were young.
It took a moment for me to get used to the fact that you weren't talking about yourself, as a narrator, but rather about me, the reader. I might consider changing changing the poem to the first person, but that's just an idea.
ryanke07 wrote:And when you stretch to touch that crusty blue,
and upon contact, you break through
to a time of richer textures and tastes,
there is something to be said.
I recommend cutting one of those 'and's that begin the first and second lines of this second stanza. It just sounds sort of repetitious and not well thought out. Maybe you could change the second "and" to "but."
ryanke07 wrote:It is this:
Chew. Slow. Ly.
I love this part, but I might change it just a little ...
Chew
slow
ly.
... or something of the sort. You really don't need the "it is this," because it's sort of self-explanatory. I feel like the "Chew slowly" would look better this way, but it's definitely up to you.
Overall, great work! This poem was sweet as hucklberry pie.
Keep writing, and I'd like to see more of your work!- Abigail
