The Hook

okay, so if you've been keeping up with the updates on my page you'll see that I said I was working on a new novel! Well I don't have much more than a paragraph, so here is the intro. Please comment! rather you liked it or not! Thanks a ton.


That night was cold, unforgiving. When I heard the wolf howl and felt my heart shudder to a stop I didn’t understand what I had become. I was alone that horrid evening reading a play written by a young fellow named William Shakesphere who stayed not far from me. I heard no sound of the intruders approach. I felt nothing but cold hands gripping me with unforgettable madness. Never had I felt this agony! Though, as I thought this was the end of my life it wasn’t. I would suffer far more worse than this. Much, much more.

There it is! Hoped you liked it. (:

Hi, PenNPaper here

To start off, you need to write more, otherwise readers wouldn't really know what was going on.

You had some problems with the first sentence.

That cold, unforgiving night, when I heard the wolf howl and felt my heart shudder to a stop I didn’t understand what I had become.

'That cold unforgiving night' doesn't seem to relate well with what followed it. Also there are some commas you missed out, and you may want to rephrase like to be.
The night was cold, and unforgiving. I heard the wolf howl and felt my heart stop. I didn't understand what I had become.

The rest of the story was pretty okay...Yeah I liked it, but as I said, not enough to appreciate.

Have a good day

Hiya! Pink here

So I know this is just the introduction so I'm going to evaluate you on just that.
Now, I do agree that this intro was little short but it did it's purpose. It's supposed to be pulling and catch the reader's attention and I think you did a good job with that. Although, my real critique here is based on your writing skill and the flow. Right now, it seems as if you missed a few commas and some of your sentences seem 'runy' and off balance. I like the way you described the emotion, nonetheless. I do think you need to work on the flow, however. Remember such things as periods and commas, all that good stuff. Other than that I think this a pretty good opener. Keep it up!

~Pink