How to be a Fictional Writer (Short Story)

This was my first assignment in my Writer's Craft class.. We were given a the poem How To Be a Poet by Wendell Berry and told to do something of the same nature. Except, we could chose any categorization and format to write this in.. meaning poem, lyrics or short story.. It just had to be under a page long. Here is my work:


“I think I’m going to quit.” She announced to him “Why would you do that? You just started this position. This will be good for you.” “I want to write.” “Write?” He bellowed. “How are you supposed to pay the bills? Look out the window.” The sun had been fully hidden behind the curtains of night as the first winter season’s snowfall was sprinkling the ground “It’s a cold and heartless world. But – yeah, you know I’m sure the bank won’t mind your past due bills if you mail them a witty short story.” She stared directly into him “There are more pressing issues in my life than the numbers in my bank account.” He looked confused, like she had spoken that last sentence in an unfamiliar language. “...Like what?” He took a long pause to formulate this sentence, still attempting to make sense what she had just said. “I have a vision. From when I wake up to when I go to sleep I feel it knocking against my skull, trying to break free of the constrictions of my mind and grow wild.” He continued to stare at her with a bewildered look on his face. “You’re crazy.” She gave a relieving sigh. “Yeah, you’re probably right, but that doesn’t really change things. I’ve spent my entire life nurturing this vision and caring for it. To me this is realer than any reality, and now it’s ready to hatch." His face quickly filled with sympathy “I know you think that’s the case but creativity is dead. You have nothing to say because it’s already all been said. ” She took a took a moment to reply to the accusation “You’re wrong, just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. You’re blinded.” “Blinded? Blinded by what?” She could feel the tension rising between them. Still, she continued “Numbers, percentages, statistics, goddamn pie charts! We’ve become nothing more than wandering zombies hypnotized by an urban trance. Divided in society by our cubicles. I know you don’t be believe in me, but I chose my own world. I live in my dreams, and this is what I need to show the world.”

Any comment or recommendation will be a huge help! I really appreciate anything you have to say especially constructive criticism!

Monster wrote:This was my first assignment in my Writer's Craft class.. We were given a the poem How To Be a Poet by Wendell Berry and told to do something of the same nature. Except, we could chose any categorization and format to write this in.. meaning poem, lyrics or short story.. It just had to be under a page long.

Hey, that's an interesting task. First, ellipses consist of three dots, not two, ie "..."

Second, I hope that submitting this to YWS has somehow deformed your formatting, because the below is formatted very poorly. Whenever a new person speaks, you should create a new paragraph. Whenever a new idea is written, this should also form a new paragraph.

This:

“I think I’m going to quit.” She announced to him “Why would you do that? You just started this position. This will be good for you.” “I want to write.” “Write?” He bellowed. “How are you supposed to pay the bills? Look out the window.” The sun had been fully hidden behind the curtains of night as the first winter season’s snowfall was sprinkling the ground “It’s a cold and heartless world. But – yeah, you know I’m sure the bank won’t mind your past due bills if you mail them a witty short story.”

Becomes this:

“I think I’m going to quit.” She announced to him

“Why would you do that? You just started this position. This will be good for you.”

“I want to write.”

“Write?” He bellowed.

“How are you supposed to pay the bills? Look out the window.” The sun had been fully hidden behind the curtains of night as the first winter season’s snowfall was sprinkling the ground “It’s a cold and heartless world. But – yeah, you know I’m sure the bank won’t mind your past due bills if you mail them a witty short story.”

Normally when I review, I quote the story in specific places to write my ideas, but as yours is so incredibly unformatted, I've written my comments in bold.

“I think I’m going to quit.” She announced to him. [Don't forget to end sentences with periods.]

“Why would you do that? You just started this position. This will be good for you.”

“I want to write.”

“Write?” He bellowed. “How are you supposed to pay the bills? Look out the window.” The sun had been fully hidden behind the curtains of night [Reread this sentence - you just said that the sun had been hidden by the curtains of night. Would you realistically be able to see the sun at night?] as the first winter season’s snowfall was sprinkling the ground, “It’s a cold and heartless world. But – yeah, you know I’m sure the bank won’t mind your past due bills if you mail them a witty short story.”

She stared directly into at him, “There are more pressing issues in my life than the numbers in my bank account.”

He looked confused, like she had spoken that last sentence in an unfamiliar language and so took a long pause to formulate this sentence, still attempting to make sense what she had just said. “... Like what?” He took a long pause to formulate this sentence, still attempting to make sense what she had just said.

“I have a vision. From when I wake up to when I go to sleep I feel it knocking against my skull, trying to break free of the constrictions of my mind and grow wild.”

He continued to stare at her [Be careful with repetition. You've used "stare" already, you can think of something else to replace it. with a bewildered look on his face. “You’re crazy.”

She gave a relieving sigh. “Yeah, you’re probably right, but that doesn’t really change things. I’ve spent my entire life nurturing this vision and caring for it. [I don't quite understand this part, you say that the vision is about breaking free and being wild, why would she be nurturing such a vision?] To me this is more real realerthan any reality, and now it’s ready to hatch."

His face quickly filled with sympathy, “I know you think that’s the case, but creativity is dead. You have nothing to say because it’s already all been said.”

She took a took a moment to reply to the accusation, “You’re wrong, just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. You’re blinded.”

“Blinded? Blinded by what?”

She could feel the tension rising between them. Still, she continued, “Numbers, percentages, statistics, goddamn pie charts! We’ve become nothing more than wandering zombies hypnotized by an urban trance. Divided in society by our cubicles. I know you don’t be believe in me, but I chose my own world. I live in my dreams, and this is what I need to show the world.”

I liked the overall idea of this short story - just make sure you place your commas after speech marks. I don't know if this is quite finished in my point of view, but I don't know how else you could expand it, unless it's the beginning of a story in which the woman quits her job and becomes a full time writer (though no one in the real world would do this without financial support first).

If you're thinking of making this into a novel, you'll have to give your characters names.

Other than the above-mentioned things, I found no other errors Reply directly to this thread with any comments/if you've edited this.

- Jai

Monster wrote: “I think I’m going to quit.” She announced to him

(New Line*)“Why would you do that? You just started this position. This will be good for you.”

*“I want to write.”

*“Write?” He bellowed. “How are you supposed to pay the bills? Look out the window.” The sun had been fully hidden behind the curtains of night as the first winter season’s snowfall was sprinkling the ground “It’s a cold and heartless world. But – yeah, you know I’m sure the bank won’t mind your past due bills if you mail them a witty short story.”

*She stared directly into him “There are more pressing issues in my life than the numbers in my bank account.”

*He looked confused, like she had spoken that last sentence in an unfamiliar language. “...Like what?” He took a long pause to formulate this sentence, still attempting to make sense what she had just said.

*“I have a vision. From when I wake up to when I go to sleep I feel it knocking against my skull, trying to break free of the constrictions of my mind and grow wild.”

*He continued to stare at her with a bewildered look on his face. “You’re crazy.”

*She gave a relieving sigh. “Yeah, you’re probably right, but that doesn’t really change things. I’ve spent my entire life nurturing this vision and caring for it. To me this is realer than any reality, and now it’s ready to hatch."

*His face quickly filled with sympathy “I know you think that’s the case but creativity is dead. You have nothing to say because it’s already all been said. ”

*She took a took a moment to reply to the accusation “You’re wrong, just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. You’re blinded.”

*“Blinded? Blinded by what?”

*She could feel the tension rising between them. Still, she continued “Numbers, percentages, statistics, goddamn pie charts! We’ve become nothing more than wandering zombies hypnotized by an urban trance. Divided in society by our cubicles. I know you don’t be believe in me, but I chose my own world. I live in my dreams, and this is what I need to show the world.”

I found no errors except for the lack of line breaks, which the other reviewers have already pointed out, so I won't again (though I did put them in above for my own sake and sanity). I am pretty sure it was simply a mishap on your part, because otherwise this is a very solid piece. There were no errors as far as I could see, and the writing was noticeably more complex than the average human being. Good job.

I can relate to this up to the "creativity is dead" part. I felt like it wasn't natural for someone to say. Only another writer would say that, really. As a writer, I'm the one who feels blinded, I don't feel like others are. Like being in a fictional fog that only you can see. I can't see the world through the fog, but in my head the fog contains a world, of not a few of them. Worlds that don't exist, and can't be seen by others. It makes ME feel blind...

I don't know, that's just a matter of opinion there, but I thought my imput may be useful to you. Keep writing, and good luck with your class!