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Harry Potter Rapping Battle

HomelessPorcupine · 2010-09-10T02:01:00Z

***So I was thinking about Harry Potter one day, and this is what came of it! The rating is due to the reference of Ron's rat sleeping in his bed from time to time. The background story goes like this: It is set in Heaven, after everyone died. Voldemort is desperately trying to beat Harry at something, so he challenged him to a rap off. It is Harry and Ron against Voldemort and Wormtail.*** Voldemort and Wormtail on left side of stage. Harry and Ron on right side. Ron is holding a microphone, facing off against Wormtail. There is a large crowd watching. Ron : You were once my rat, but then I was betrayed, It took me three whole years to find that I had been played, So please don't mind if I laugh and stare, For I found it quite hilarious when you choked down there! Wormtail whimpers and begs Voldemort for help. Voldemort snatches the microphone away from Wormtail. Voldemort : Yeah, Ron Weasley, he's pretty shrewd, It took him three whole years to find he slept with a dude, Though I admit, he did look pretty phat, In the sixth book, when he wore bling and all o'dat! Ron : There's my man Voldey, he's pretty tight, His horcruxes become handy in a large, prolonged fight, Though come on, let's all be blunt and frank, The truth is that Voldemort's... stench is rank? Ron bows his head in shame and Harry steps up. Voldemort : So the Weasel King has lost with his smelly rhymes, Do you want me to give you taxi fare with nickels and dimes? If not then come on, take a try if you can, Be careful though Harry, because I'm superhu-man! Voldemort does strong man poses. Harry stands, thinking for a moment. Harry : You had a violent life, so you turned to rap. Everyone knows that rap is evil and is exclusively about violence and immorality... Voldemort : Oh, come on! Seriously? We are trying to enjoy ourselves and you have to start monologuing?! Typical! You did it in life and now you just HAVE to do it in death! As Harry continues his talking, the crowd and team Voldemort slowly leave. Finally, it's just Ron and Harry. Harry : ... and that is my conclusion on why you are evil and I am mistreated. Suddenly realizing they are alone, Harry turns to Ron. Harry : Well Ron, let us be off! No need to keep the therapist waiting. I think that I made some breakthroughs today. The two walk off stage left, Ron nodding and agreeing with everything Harry says. Once again, Voldemort has been defeated by strategic placement of a deadly monologue. **Edit: I have no idea why it double spaced everything.**

LadySpark

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Tue Oct 12, 2010 5:27 pm

LadySpark says... · Tue Oct 12, 2010 5:27 pm

all i can say is LOL and good job!

hush, my sweet

these tornadoes are for you

-Richard Siken

Formerly SparkToFlame

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Shadowhunter14

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Tue Nov 16, 2010 4:22 am

Shadowhunter14 says... · Tue Nov 16, 2010 4:22 am

Awesome, loved it! very creative and interesting. i found myself conjuring up entertaining images of the characters actually rapping these!

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williamwordsworth

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Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:55 pm

williamwordsworth says... · Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:55 pm

I would love to see more of this. I love Harry Potter humour!
A great read.

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ForeverTwilightAngel

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Sun Dec 12, 2010 4:50 am

ForeverTwilightAngel says... · Sun Dec 12, 2010 4:50 am

Lol
Really funny, I especially like Ron's first set of lines.
Very creative and funny

Some Boys:
Treat girls like a sweatshirt. It looks nice and it makes you look good. But when the sweatshirt changes they toss it on the floor.
Other Boys:
Treat girls like a human. They treat her with the respect they should get and love you no matter what happens.

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IcyFlame

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Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:51 pm

IcyFlame says... · Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:51 pm

This was hilarious! I can't believe I've never come across it before! I love the way you've managed to show characterisation even through rap and kept the characters true to themselves. I would have liked to see a bit of action from Hermionie or Malfoy though. Maybe even Filch... now that'd have been weird!
Please keep writing! The world needs humour like this!

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