Piano

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This isn't very good, but I don't really want to change it. I didn't write it as a poem, I just let my thoughts pour out onto the page, and this is what came out of it. Enjoy.

Sitting, watching, staring
At the piano in the corner
Shining like a lake in the moonlight
Keys glinting under artificial light
I yearn to play
To let my fingers dance
Up and down the keyboard
I cannot resist temptation
And now I am there
My fingers brushing the polished ivory
Lines and notes reaching out
Through my eyes, my body, my brain
Tingling as they leap through my fingertips
Into the keys, into the air
The music swirls around me
Wrapping me up in unseen arms
Safe and warm and blind
To life continuing around me,
As it does
The room is gone;
The damp-covered walls,
The plastic chairs,
The throbbing florescent lights,
Swept away by this sweet cacophony
By the perfect notes
Flowing like water into my parched ears
The music kisses me softly
And sings me to sleep
Like a fragile infant
My hands continue on
Playing hard and loud and fast
Then softer, alternating
My heart beats
In perfect synchronization
And my mind soars
Away from the notes on the page
To join the sparkling tornado
I am dancing with the music
Sweet on my tongue
Warm to the touch
And beautiful,
Like a blood-red rose
In the cold light of a winter morning
A waltz of the senses
But every song must end
My fingers slow
The music fades
And last note lingers,
An echo,
A bittersweet memory
Of things once great
But lost from sight,
Silent
Last edited by TheMadHatter on Wed Sep 15, 2010 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
'The name's Salmon, like the fish. First name, Suzie.'

'Don't make people into heroes, John, they don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.'

'Curiouser and curiouser said Alice'




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Hi! I have but one little nitpick.

Shining like a lake in the moonlight
Keys glinting under artificial light


You repeat "light." I'd suggest finding a synonym for one of them.

Other than that, I love this piece. It really feels like it's a song, a very fast, classical one, with a touch of delicate lullaby-esque lightness to it. It didn't even feel long, or drag at all. It was very quick paced, and flowed smoothly throughout. At the end, where it slowed, it was like the song closing off, slowing, and... even after seven years of piano lessons I still can't remember the term. XD Anyways, I really like this. I don't think you need to change it, other than the "light" thing and maybe a couple other really little things I may have missed.

loveness, ultraviolet <3
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

~asofterworld.com




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Hello Hatter!

There was only one error I could find with my nit-picky eyes, so here ya go:
An echoe,

It should be "echo" without the 'e'. My inner spelling bee nerd has just been satisfied. *sigh* Sorry about that, but it needed to be done. :)

Other than that, I found the poem quite pleasant. I've always wanted to learn piano, and now I know what it feels like to tickle the ivories. My lifelong dream has been fulfilled. Thanks! haha
I also wanted to touch on the simple imagery and stark beauty in these lines
Like a blood-red rose
In the cold light of a winter morning

I read them and instantaneously pictured something so singular and alone and beautiful as a red rose in the snow. I also thought about Beauty and the Beast. Once that thought entered into my head, I sort of placed the entire poem in the context of how I felt when I watched that movie as I child, and then I connected with it on a whole different level. I know I'm probably grasping at invisible pygmies at this moment but I just wanted to toss that interpretation out into cyberspace in case anyone else drew the same idea.

Happy Writing!
Bailey
After all, it is the pen that gives power to the mythical sword.

"For an Assistant Pig-Keeper, I think you're quite remarkable." Eilonwy

"You also shall be Psyche."

"My only regret
all the Butterflies
that I have killed with my car" Martin Lanaux




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Thankyou! :D
'The name's Salmon, like the fish. First name, Suzie.'

'Don't make people into heroes, John, they don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.'

'Curiouser and curiouser said Alice'




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I think this was a wonderful piece. I wish I had the talent to write something like this.
The imagery was amazing. I've played piano for about 8 years and I could feel the tingles in my own fingers.
I could imagine them gliding up and down the piano.
I think this was a really good poem piece.

The only thing was that "echoe" is spelled wrong, but other than that, I think it's amazing work.




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Have gone through and corrected all my spellings :D
'The name's Salmon, like the fish. First name, Suzie.'

'Don't make people into heroes, John, they don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.'

'Curiouser and curiouser said Alice'




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Oh, I can completely relate to this poem. I'm an obsessive pianist myself, have been playing for eight years and have reveled in every minute of it. Fabulous imagery! No nitpicks! Yay!!!! :D
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.




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This really brings back some memories. Haha. When I was little, music was always my biggest curiosity. It's like a different language, really. I played piano for a couple of years, I still do sometimes. But when it comes to classier instruments, I'm defiantly for violin. That is simply my passion, next to guitar.

So I really loved this, it was very fresh, and a great idea. keep up the work.
I want a lover I don't have to love.



Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou