none

Lying on this bed in this cold, lifeless room. I could only think about the lack of life that engulfed the room. All but one emotion missing from it. The only emotion present was emotionless for that can also be an emotion for those who can’t feel love, or compassion, pain, or hate. Yet there is one source of life. But I wouldn’t count that as a life at all. It was my own life. But what a life, a shallow cold existence with no meaning, no reason to go on, just a small, false glimmer of hope buried somewhere deep in my darkened heart. Cast in there for the fear of loving and caring once again to only be brought down by failure and heartbreak.

First and formost; WELCOME TO YWS! It's a blast here. A few pointers here, just skim over this to see what corrections I made to your poem. (:

coincedence wrote:Lying on this bed in this cold, lifeless room.
I could only think about the lack of life that engulfed the room.
All but one emotion missing from it.
The only emotion present was emotionless for that can also be an emotion for those who can’t feel love,
or compassion, pain, or hate.

Yet there is one source of life.
But I wouldn’t count that as a life at all.
It was my own life.
But what a life, a shallow cold existence with no meaning, no reason to go on... Leave it wandering a bit here.
just a small, false glimmer of hope buried somewhere deep in my darkened heart.
Cast in there for the fear of loving and caring once again to only be brought down by failure and heartbreak.

Now you can see that it needed stanza's so there you go!

Overall this was beautiful in a sad way. You have a great start to an amazing future in writing. Message me if you have any questions about anything! Keep writing.

I'm really sorry about not adding stanza, this was one of my first pieces of poetry.

Hello there!

Here to review.

So, you're new huh? I welcome you to The Young Writers Society! *pops confetti*

Anyways, how are you doing so far and if you want to know, I'm a bully here. Haha, just kidding. :3

Now to the review.

First of all, if ever you're going to make a poem, please always check the stanzas, lines and spellings beforehand. You don't want to throw off your readers just because of the structure you're doing here, right? Anyways, I'm just here to help.

This is how I would write the poem.

Lying on this bed in this cold, lifeless room.
I could only think about the lack of life that engulfed the room. (Wow. This is a pretty good start. Adjectives are pwerful and punctuations are good and not to mention the two last words rhyme well)
All but one emotion missing from it.
The only emotion present was emotionless (Uh... refrain from any word repetition, not only it would make your readers bore but it would also annoy them and maybe might get them turn off when reading this. However, if you wanted to, the write it with good effects.)
for that can also be an emotion for those
who can’t feel love, (love and compassion re almost the same thing, so writing them both here looks redundant)
or compassion, pain, or hate. (Emotion and emotionless? Quite confusing)

Yet there is one source of life.
But I wouldn’t count that as a life at all.
It was my own life.
But what a life, (Again with repetitions, and there are just awkward sentences to read. If you read this again and think it's awkward, then rephrase it.)
a shallow cold existence with no meaning, (good line, it gives depth to your poem)
no reason to go on,
just a small, false glimmer
of hope buried somewhere deep in my darkened heart. (Impressive line)
Cast in there for the fear of loving and caring once again
to only be brought down by failure and heartbreak.

So all in all, I would just like to say that this poem has definitely got a potential. Maybe, just refrain yourself from doing repetitions and add in some spice here. Honestly, your first two lines are charming, because they rhymed well but when I reached down, the poem itself kind of threw me off there. So, if ever you're rhyming, then do it all over the piece, not just by few lines. And watch out for your punctuations too.Lastly, kicking aside those comments, I thank you for the read. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri